AIBU to be upset by this?

[uptheantrimcoast]

I'm a long time lurker but I've never posted on AIBU before. I am a ftm to my sweet 5mo DS, and I'm feeling a bit lonely at times which may be contributing to this - although, I actually think this is contributing to my loneliness!

There have been a few occasions since DS has been born where I have met someone new or bumped into an old friend or acquaintance who have suggested meeting up. We've chatted after the meeting - through texts and messages usually - with them telling me they really want to catch up and even going as far to suggest a week or day of the week they'd be free, and then never responding to me when I say when I'm free.

I understand that when bumping into someone you used to know, it's pretty usual to say, 'we must catch up some time' without ever meaning it to happen. But these are different, they have strongly suggested meeting and then never got back to me. Or, maybe they're not different at all and I'm being too sensitive?

I just feel that if you're not actually intending to meet up with someone, don't suggest it to them!

AIBU to not understand this at all, and be a bit hurt by it too. Has anyone else had similar?

It happens so often these days! I think some people are still adjusting to being free of covid restrictions. Also when you message maybe find a coffee shop near them and suggest a date or time. So make it as easy as possible for them to say yes.

It is difficult and I understand you don't want to be pushy.
If you want the meet-up to happen, best thing is to actually suggest a date and place - so not just "I'm free next Tuesday" but "Let's meet on Tuesday at 2pm at Joe's cafe". People don't consider it a fixed arrangement unless the date and place are specific.

I'm quite a chatty introvert, sometimes I look keen but when it actually gets round to making a concrete plan, I panic and can't bring myself to say yes. Having said that, I think the scenario in your OP is really rude. I'd never suggest a date and then go quiet. I might look keen when I speak to someone, and I probably am at the time, but the dread floods in later. If you're meeting these people at mum and baby groups, just remember they're all navigating their own new set of circumstances and it probably isn't personal at all. I struggled to leave the house with a baby.

Thanks for your replies

A couple were people I met at baby groups, and I understand this more. It's hard to meet up with new people,
The ones that have actually upset me are two who I already knew. One an old school friend and the other a recent ex colleague.
I would have absolutely no hard feelings if I'd bumped into them and we'd just left it at that. Even if it was me pushing the meet ups and they said no, or yes and then changed their mind, that would be better!

I'll get over it I'm sure, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's rude.

Yes it's the lack of response that's rude. It takes hardly any time to reply to a text so it's annoying when you're just left hanging. I've noticed it happening more and more lately.

I’ve found that loads of people won’t be the ones to suggest shall we do X on Thursday morning.
I used to be a bit upset and assume that people didn’t really want to see me. However as soon as I made a concrete suggestion they were happy to go along with my plans and seemed pleased to see me.
Not sure if it is laziness or anxiety but I try and reframe it as at least I get to do the things I want too.