DH's sleazy mate

[ToBeSuretoBe]

So my DH has a best mate who is single. He's nice enough & we do get on OK but he constantly makes references to women whether we are watching TV, talking or out in public. Very sexual, crude remarks, comments, what he would like to do to them etc (always very attractive women only).
When I raise my eyebrows he will infer that it's a normal thing for a guy & point out to me that the woman in question is in fact very attractive & surely I agree with that fact.
It's very wearing. It's like we can't have a normal conversation, ever, without him dragging it into this area.
AIBU to tell him to shut up?

I think the fact that you still allow him in your home after your daughter refuses to go to her own family home if he is there because he makes her uncomfortable is actually pretty shocking to be honest. Your op made him sound like a pain in the ass, the update about your daughter totally puts a different slant on it to me. Tell your dh if he wants to be his friend god knows why then go right ahead but he is not welcome in your house

Agree with @MeanyJoany
This guy is not fit to be around women. Don’t be around him. And yes I’d be really disappointed with dh. He needs to tell this guy that he is not welcome in your home or around his family due to his behaviour

Your husband might not be like it, but he likes it enough, because if he didn’t he’d not have this bloke round his wife and daughters.

I'd just refuse to have him in the house and not see him at all. I'd probably be a bit at my DH being friendly with a man like that

Bluntness100
She's my daughter from a previous relationship and left home before I met my current DH. His friend only recently came to live in UK hence I've not known him long.

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

If your husband is not like this at all then why does he allow a man in his home who creeps his daughter out so much she refuses to be around him? He is a father of a girl. He has a responsibility towards her. You are his wife. Where is his outrage at the disrespect shown to you?

It is true that you judge a person by the company they keep. 🤷‍♀️

You should follow your daughter's excellent example and vote with your feet.

This. Sorry @ToBeSuretoBe but your DH must^ think it's OK deep down, because no way would he have this man in the house, if he thought his behaviour was awful.

You really have to ban him from your home. He sounds revolting.

My daughter & her friends refuse to come to visit if he's here as they say he makes their skin crawl & he's pervy.

That should tell you something. He isn't nice. Why do you and DH but up with this?

*put up with

"Very sexual, crude remarks, comments, what he would like to do to them etc"

Casually point out, "Don't see that happening. They're a bit out of your league." Then maintain cold, stony, silent eye contact until he cries blinks.

@ToBeSuretoBe

To be fair my DH shakes his head & tells him to stop it but the guy is irrepressible.

So you both tell him to stop and he carries on with the very sexual crude remarks?

I'm not sure what either of you see in this idiot.

Remove yourself from the situation

If he's dh's friend just let the two of them hang out together, you don't need to be there

I just don’t get these threads.

There’s another similar one running, where the OP overheard her DH’s dickhead mate saying unkind things about her, and then being pressured to have him back into the house, along with gaslighting her that it never happened - even though she heard it with her own ears.

Are you scared of your DH, OP?

Because otherwise I don’t see what you’re finding so complicated that you need advice on.

You just say to your DH that you don’t like this man, and he’s not welcome in the house while you’re there. ‘D’H can go off and meet him elsewhere.

Simple.

He’s a twat. Why does you husband associate with him?

Your DH should be ending this friendship, much as ending friendships can be painful.

My DH isn't like that either, which is why he isn't friends with men like this. Because he finds that kind of behaviour abhorrent and would not value the friendship of someone who was so sleazy and misogynistic. I'm afraid if your DH considers this man a friend it's very unlikely that he actually has an issue with his values and behaviours in reality.

If he does this in your house, tell him to leave. Warn DH that you are going to do this, so that he can back you up, or tell the guy in advance that he will not be tolerating misogyny in his home.
If he does it in public, tell him he's being offensive and leave.
If you put up with , he and your DH will assume you find it acceptable.

Maybe tell him the reason why he's single is because he's a creepy letch and women don't find that attractive. If he became more mature and had good manners then women might want to date him. It's not rocket science and sometimes these men need to hear a few home truths.

Ffs why do you let this guy in your house?

Draw a fucking line. He makes you and your daughter uncomfortable. Don’t see him. Oh, and you have a DH problem.

Ah. She's not his daughter. That explains why he doesn't care that his sleezy pal is affecting her.

Again. A decent man who was nothing like his friend would care.

So

1. Next time I would be telling him that you now understand why he is single and likely to remain so
2. I would tell him that people don’t want to be around him, including you

3 I would tell, yes tell my dh he is not to invite him over when you are around