To ask how you don’t worry?

[Sexnotgender]

When your ridiculously un streetwise teenager moves out to go to university?

Fucking hell

Any tips?
She’s 17, thinks she knows everything and is moving to a big city.

I’m terrified.

I was pretty clueless too, there will probably be a lot of others in the same boat, hopefully her confidence will see her through. No idea how you don't worry though, my has asd so I will be a wreck.

I lived in the countryside, had never been on a train before etc and moved to London. Honestly it did me the world of good, I grew up quickly but I learnt so much and I survived!

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

I lived in the countryside, had never been on a train before etc and moved to London. Honestly it did me the world of good, I grew up quickly but I learnt so much and I survived!

God I hope this is her. I honestly want to cry but I’m smiling and buying her things she needs. She’s so naive about the world despite my best efforts.

The one thing I have drilled into my kids' heads from day one, is there is nothing so bad they cannot share with Mum and Dad, and be sure of our love, support, and help. That if something bad happens to them, they will not be blamed or shamed for it, and it is not their fault. That everyone makes mistakes, and the only bad mistake is the one you don't learn anything from. It means that we have been privy to stuff a few times that perhaps we'd have been happier not to know, lol, but we know that they're learning the lessons of survival in the jungle that is life.

You do worry, you never really stop worrying about your kids but keep communicating with them, text every few days, let them know you're still there and they'll be ok.

They learn pretty quickly. I can remember lots of things ds encountered during first year which he had just never thought about in our sleepy home town. Some shook him up a bit but ultimately it was positive and opened his eyes to the real world.

And you don't stop worrying.... ever!!

God knows. My dd, same age, has decides she is taking a gap year. And I am secretly pleased.

But I got my first home and lived alone at 19 and survived. So I know it's just me worrying really.

Everyone goes through a learning curve. I guess it all depends how well you've brought them up. My parents were not strict but if I did something wrong god did I know about it.

You've just got to trust. Also it helps if you don't over parent. I'm more inclined to speak to my parents if they aren't interrogating me. If it feels like a natural conversation then I'm more likely to open up to them. By all means check in with your child but just remember they are an adult now and they need to find their own way.

Finding things to distract yourself will help. Whether that's work, baking, friends, family, get a dog.... anything that makes your life feel busier. You'll worry that little bit less.

However you cannot stop it completely. I worry about my partner when they are out and about. Why? Because you love them and hold them dear in your heart. It's all natural.

Finding things to distract yourself will help. Whether that's work, baking, friends, family, get a dog.... anything that makes your life feel busier. You'll worry that little bit less.

My life is super busy already so I’ve got that covered 😂

It’s one of the safest ways for them to leave home. They are moving to an environment with a built in support structure. They will have lots of new friends in the same boat as well.

What exactly are you worried about?

Dangers of going out at night?
Being able to look after herself etc?
Coping with the work?
Her mental health?

I think it would be worth naming what you are worried about.

Lots of families came and stayed for a few days before moving into halls in hotels if you have that option. It allowed them to explore the city together, find their feet with a bit of support and also for parents to get a sense of the place and have some common ground.

I personally couldn't wait for my parents to leave and I was that niave unstreetwise girl 20 years ago. There were many steep learning curve along the way - all character building! University is a really cushioned step into the real world where you are surrounded by hundreds of other naive teenagers.

I think it would be worth naming what you are worried about.

Getting lost in a big city. She literally gets lost in our little town, I’ve no idea how she manages it.

Her mental health, she’s under CAMHS already.

Her health generally, she has several serious medical conditions. She was in the shielding category for COVID.

I get your worries, but it's better that she leaves home to go and live with a boatload of other teenagers who are more or less new to being completely independent too - you work it out together. I was the only person in my uni house who knew how to find a fusebox when the lights tripped, knew how to cook, did my own laundry without shrinking or dyeing everything, knew how to keep myself roughly healthy, etc - and only because I moved out at 16 due to family stuff.

Everyone else burnt their food, googled "lights gone off how to sort fuse", quickly worked out they needed a vegetable occasionally or they'd get tonsillitis 3 times in a row, had to work out how to pay utilities and got lost in our uni city a load of times and it was part of the learning curve!

I understand the fears about MH but unis are (broadly) better these days at support and people, especially people your daughter's age, are much better at talking about it. I'd keep lines of communication open but try not to openly worry too much or she might end up feeling you think she can't cope alone - just remind her that you're there whenever she needs and if you have the capacity to offer more specific support (private counselling if she wants etc) then say so. Might be worth looking up the uni's MH support in advance too so if she's struggling you have the info to hand!

On the physical health side - does she have any regular appointments/consultants etc she needs to keep? Does she know who to contact if she has concerns about her conditions, and how to get in touch with them?

For example, my uni housemate with T1 diabetes didn't think (and her mum didn't think) to rearrange her regular diabetes team checkups in her uni town until she got ill, at which point her consultant and diabetes nurse back home set up something via the uni GP for her and gave her permission/a direct line to call them if she had questions, which made management a lot easier.

She does have appointments. We’re waiting on a (cancelled because of bloody COVID) MRI as she needs a valve replaced in her heart.

She probably doesn’t know who to contact but that’s a good point I’ll let her know.

She needs to register with a new GP.

I know Big City sounds scary but when you’re at Uni you tend to stay in your “Village” of halls and the campus. There’s so much going on, especially in the first few weeks. I went from a small village in Scotland to London, but mostly stayed within roughly the square mile round the campus! And big cities are often easier if you do get lost - there’s better transport, more taxis, more places open late.

She’ll be expected to register with her GP - there’s probably one associated with the campus - and get her to scope out the pastoral care that’s available. She should have a personal tutor who can help her, and there will be student advisory services. It would be good if she can be upfront about the issues she’s had from the start, so support can be put in place. It’s probably easier to access support at Uni than at any other time tbh.

And I know Big Cities have a reputation but people are generally very kind and ready to help.

She’ll be expected to register with her GP - there’s probably one associated with the campus - and get her to scope out the pastoral care that’s available. She should have a personal tutor who can help her, and there will be student advisory services. It would be good if she can be upfront about the issues she’s had from the start, so support can be put in place. It’s probably easier to access support at Uni than at any other time tbh.

Thanks. She’s let them know about her issues. She’s meeting with occupational health to see if she needs any adjustments.