Single parenting

[AustralianDad7]

Here is the summary, my marriage was never strong. But I worked hard at it for the first five years, then we had a son and everything changed. My wife did not want my family involved and this broke me down. After five years of counseling it was over, she got our home near the school we planned for him to attend. I got the investment property and part custody, as he was to live with her so life was most stable for him. Now he is 16yo and exemplary with school, I could not have wished for a better son. Except I missed so much I feel. What happens after they grow up?

I'm not really sure what you are asking ? Presumably now your son is almost an adult he can choose when to see you? I presume he has spent some time with you over the years ?

What do you mean what happens? Do you mean in terms of visits? I guess its up to him and you to sort out how much you want to see each other?

What happens? They get old you get older

@Babyroobs

I'm not really sure what you are asking ? Presumably now your son is almost an adult he can choose when to see you? I presume he has spent some time with you over the years ?

We currently have a court order in place that grants me the right to have him for half the school holidays, every second weekend and special occasions like birthdays and festive holidays. Once he becomes an adult then I will just be a single man with no purpose...

Just be there for him and support him in the next stages of his life. You can’t get the time back from when children were little, it goes too fast and it’s hard for many people to deal with. Maybe you can be an active grandfather if and when he has children?

You do what you would have done with adult children if you had stayed married.
Hell probably want to go out with friends for his birthday so instead you invite him around another day to celebrate or go for a meal. At Christmas he might chose to spend his time with you, mum friends or partner you'll just factor in time to see each other as you would have done at this stage in his life.

You can meet up for sports fixtures, concerts, theatre shows or whatever you both enjoy. You can book up and go on holiday together. Support him with university, house buying and being a good grand parent if he chooses those things.

Children growing up often leaves parents with 'empty nest' feelings, I don't think being single or married changes that.

You need to live your life for you too. If he's 16 he might not always want to have to spend X amount of time I'm each home. That's quite normal. Have you got your own hobbies and goals?

I'm looking forward to a time where my children are older, and I can travel on my own, maybe move home (I wouldn't now as they are settled in schools, with friends etc). I might take up a new hobby group. Most of mine now are home based, for childcare reasons.

@AustralianDad7 I guess it's the same as a parent who was still with their mum but maybe feels hard as you missed out? It's hard for everyone though. Just try and keep in touch with your son. You can't force him to visit and maybe offer to go and visit him so it's not all one way travel

You check in with him loads.

You understand that he has a social life that is probably very important to him, so you adapt.

Make sure he knows he is always welcome in your home.

Be kind and welcoming to whatever partner he has.

Do fun things with him- outings that he would find fun

This next stage is all about you building an adult relationship with him.

@Imtootired

Just be there for him and support him in the next stages of his life. You can’t get the time back from when children were little, it goes too fast and it’s hard for many people to deal with. Maybe you can be an active grandfather if and when he has children?

yes, time has gone all too fast... to think Australia was settled by British just 200 years ago and I am only 51 years old...

@0palescent

You need to live your life for you too. If he's 16 he might not always want to have to spend X amount of time I'm each home. That's quite normal. Have you got your own hobbies and goals?

I'm looking forward to a time where my children are older, and I can travel on my own, maybe move home (I wouldn't now as they are settled in schools, with friends etc). I might take up a new hobby group. Most of mine now are home based, for childcare reasons.

Actually I dabble in lots of things but lose interest pretty quickly. I have always loved reading and music, so perhaps would try to write a book or learn an instrument (properly - like I have tried)