A weird day of old men

[Flawedperfection]

Hello,

A weird one here. Recently, old men (late 70s-80s) have started approaching me, mainly to chat, chew the fat, that sort of thing, but really enthusiastic/persistent. One in a park (yesterday in Aldershot, Hampshire to set the scene), CHATTED me up. I’m late 30s, obese but not unattractive and look v v much younger, so wtaf? He started by telling me a bit about the Gurka history which I smiled politely and listened to, then asked A LOT of personal questions even when I was checking a text, then said I was “dishy”, and what I shame I wasn’t married. The grand finale was that he was looking for a “lady friend” to have a lovely meal with once a month and then take her to bed afterwards. He then gave me his card with all his personal details on so if I were a nasty pice if work/criminal HE could be in danger. How does he know these details won’t get into the wrong hands?? It all happened in the space of 5 mins and every time I tried to escape he kept trying to engage with me. As he was old and it was a public space I felt safe, but seriously, wtf?! Is this a thing? Is it normal?

I’m the first to admit that I don’t particularly like men. Sorry to generalize a bit, but I was bullied by boys at school for years, had no male role models, shit absent father etc, so prepared to be told I abu, just for the way I feel weird around men. I find men hard to communicate with, especially as I feel I’m on the asd spectrum and have nothing in common.

Normally, men avoid me as if I were a monster that will eat them up, or that I’m after them or something (I’m most certainly not I assure you!).

Younger men do not like me as I am fat and a ‘ladette’ in appearance- jeans and top, practical trainers, hair scraped back etc. in fact a younger man called me a fat d**e (gay slur), because I’m not dainty and feminine and slinky- can you see why I hate most misogynistic pieces of shit (although I’m sure some men must be nice).

So, understandably I’m baffled at a particular age group suddenly coming for me like a guided missile!

So, why do we think old men keep approaching me? Do they think I’m easy and up for it?! That I’d be grateful? That I look nice or approachable or something?

Any insight gratefully received.

I would say you have encountered 1 weirdo but mainly lonely bored older men who just want to chat to anyone who looks like they will give them the time of day.

This used to be a standing joke for me, when I was working, old men often chatted me up, I worked in libraries for 40 years, on and off. I love talking to people although I often found elderly ladies had more interesting life stories than the old men. I am old myself now, and conversations are just that, and more interesting without the sexual overtones. I think men just like to show off, to see if they can still get a response. I just used to ignore any innuendo, and steer the conversation to safer waters, unless they were offensive, in which case I would tell them so and walk away.

Yuck, men always expect to have an audience then drone on about the most boring rubbish. Don't feel you are obliged to engage with them. Just say "excuse me" and walk away of you don't want to chat.

Creepy men looking for a target, as they always have. If you’re polite to them and listen to them boring on, they’ll push it like this guy did. Just ignore them, freeze them out, tell them to leave you alone. They might pretend to be all hurt and that you’re a meanie because they were just being nice, but that’s their problem not yours.

There’s nothing wrong with a man fancying a woman and starting a conversation, but if you’re uninterested it is ok not to indulge them. Sod this “be kind” nonsense. Be polite and firm, and nothing more.

I grew up in Aldershot in the seventies....I'd never have gone in a park alone, they were awful places! Sorry, derailing your thread.

This used to be a standing joke for me, when I was working, old men often chatted me up, I worked in libraries ....

Me too. Think it was a loneliness thing.

I had what I used to call a pensioner stalker - completely harmless, used to bring his little grandchildren in to a Story/Rhyme time I ran and we would chat. I started to realise he had a soft spot for me when he began to bring in the odd gift like a tea towel when he went home to Scotland.

Is it like cats, where they home in on the person who is allergic/can't stand them? Anyway, congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals with Strange Bloke In Park #1 (I assume you can't possibly deny such an approach?). Make sure you invite us all to the wedding, he might having some dishy brothers who aren't dead yet...

Thanks everyone, I will stop being so friendly/approachable.

@bringbacksideburns, this letchy old gent was Scottish!
@TwoBlondes, most of the parks Aldershot aren’t too bad really- mainly nice old Nepalese women sitting on benches nattering away. That’s why I was surprised at this. And I’ve only found real antisocial behaviour from some in the town centre at times. I’ve found Guildford, Reading and Portsmouth to be worse (to live in).

I agree, @GeorgiaMcGraw, I’m not a baby person (and am not a parent) but they always stare at me and smile, then the mother asks me to hold them to cheer them up!

YABU to be sure that some men must be nice

He sounds ds really odd, but generally elderly folk just want a chat. Whether it is loneliness, I'm not sure, but they are not all d creepy.

Honestly he does not sound as if he was chatting you up... he is classic groomer sicko. Report him to the cops.

You were chatted up by one old man.
Or am I missing something?

Sounds like the title of a book

No that’s not normal behaviour at all, especially the personal card thing.

IRL I ride a Triumph motorcycle and I get lots of old (even older then me) guys using that as conversation starter for a chat, that’s normal behaviour.

I sometimes think not everything needs to be dissected and examined to a PhD standard. You were approached by a man, you weren't interested and that's that. Maybe one day you'll be approached by a man you do like.

I once had some guy try to chat me up in the park, my son was 6 mths old, told him my husband was expecting me at home.
Upset yes was 26

@Flawedperfection

Thanks everyone, I will stop being so friendly/approachable.

@bringbacksideburns, this letchy old gent was Scottish!
@TwoBlondes, most of the parks Aldershot aren’t too bad really- mainly nice old Nepalese women sitting on benches nattering away. That’s why I was surprised at this. And I’ve only found real antisocial behaviour from some in the town centre at times. I’ve found Guildford, Reading and Portsmouth to be worse (to live in).

Do not be unfriendly, just be polar opposite... tell them you are a guy.

I’m not a baby person (and am not a parent) but they always stare at me and smile

Oh, love this. I'd take this as a sign you're a lovely person all the way through.

I've always believed babies can see people's souls.

Old men, not so much.

Yabnu at all
I think you are being too nice.
You don’t owe these creeps anything
Next time try saying “Do I know you?” And staring at them until they feel uncomfortable and sod off.

So, why do we think old men keep approaching me?

A lot of old people talk to/at anyone. In my experience old women are worse, but both do it.

I'm good at avoiding it because I look (correctly) like a misanthrope but DW makes fucking eye conact and smiles, despite me telling her not to encourage it.

Also, don't carry Werther's Original about your person- the smell attracts them.

Honestly he does not sound as if he was chatting you up... he is classic groomer sicko. Report him to the cops.

Eh? OP is 30. Nothing illiegal about asking someone out while old- a bit ambitious perhaps, but he probably doesn't have time left to mess around.

Whenever I have used public transport, I attract lonely old men, they are mostly harmless and I'm happy enough to listen for the duration of a bus ride. I think for your man I would have just laughed called him a cheeky old goat and given him his card back.
People male and female are lonely, if they are making you feel uncomfortable walk away, but not every man is a threat.

I've always believed babies can see people's souls.

That's Lib Dem MPs- babies have shit eyesight.

I've always believed babies can see people's souls

What a load of old shite.