Please tell me I'm not over reacting

[imthecrazyone]

Went away for a weekend break, bliss so I thought.

Am I right in feeling really pissed off? Or am
I actually over reacting...

I have a 3 year old daughter. She threw an epic tantrum that lasted for half hour. She wanted to go the the park but was SO tired. I tried to taking her to the bathroom to clean teeth wash etc this resulted in her being so worked up she threw up everywhere.

Stressful I lost my patience with her and bought her back to accommodation, I was clearly pissed off and told me DH to give me space whilst I calmed down.

I have two younger children under 1 who thankfully were asleep at the time, but I had just dealt with them and got them to sleep.

He accuses me of working my child into this state & keeps screaming she's only 3! He then lobs my phone at me and pushes me out his way using his hands.

I told him not to touch me and to leave me to calm down.

We were due to stay another night & whilst I had just put all three children to bed he proceeded to pack everything away, and that was our holiday done.

I had been food shopping the day before for our 3 day break. I woke up to find he had thrown all the food out. Everything. Microwave meals, steak, sausages fresh bread, salad, fruit you name it. What a waste. I had nothing to feed the kids with this morning and what a waste of money!

He calls me crazy, I'm the mental one. I told him if he had let me have 5 minutes to myself none of this would have happened. He would go away when I asked him multiple times. That's not how it works, I shouldn't be allowed space apparently.

He stayed outside of the accommodation last night drinking, eating burgers & talking to all the fellow guests. Whilst I sat inside soothing a baby to sleep & crying exhausted and in shock of how he treated me.

When I addressed him throwing things at me and pushing me he said it never happened and I'm crazy & IF it did happen then it's unacceptable. He knows what he did! Then to realise his thrown all my food shopping away I just gave up. I'm now sat in the back of a car with two babies and an upset toddler in the front because she didn't want to go home. We had no choice he pack us up! Fuming and drained. Happy fucking holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

His behaviour sounds awful.

It is also really not good that your three year old was sick from a tantrum that lasted over half an hour.

My opinion is that you and your partner need to split up, and you need to seek parenting support asap.

@Cabbagewhites my daughter is sick if she smells her brothers nappies or if the bin smells etc her gag reflex has always been awful! If she coughs she's sick! Myself & my daughter have a wonderful relationship. It was a tantrum. She was tired from running around in the open all day it was now 8pm at night!

He pushed you and is now denying it and gaslighting you. He threw out all the food and ended the holiday early. He’s a proper arsehole.

He threw something at you, pushed you, then pretended it never happened. This is the textbook definition of gaslighting, which is hugely psychologically damaging and with time can seriously play with your head.

You ask if you're overreacting? No. You're underreacting. Very much so.

I would (and have) refused to get in the car with him

@Hyppogriff

You both sound a bit mental to be honest. Definite aspects of him being U but you have clearly also made no effort to try to see it from his perspective either and come across preachy which is very unlikely to lead to a reasonable discussion

Please give us a possible reasonable explanation for physical abuse and throwing out all the food that his wife had bought and young children were meant to eat!

@Hyppogriff what possible alternative perspective to being physically abused is there?! JFC!

You've got an abusive DH. If I were in your situation, I'd be making plans to end the relationship.

Yes, it sounds easy to say, but I did exactly that. I left an abuser after 30 years. Did it all in secret and just left one day, never looked back. Best thing I ever did.

@Hyppogriff You are so very wrong in so many ways with your post. You are victim blaming-what exactly did this poor woman do wrong?
I would've called the cops the second a man laid his hands on me like that @imthecrazyone but I know you're in shock by his behavior-these things escalate and you and the children need to get away from him

I'm presuming you have baby twins and a toddler. No wonder you are exhausted.

A 3 day break where you have to cook doesn't sound too relaxing to me.

What he should have done is maybe take the toddler for a walk or away to calm down so you could catch a breath.

Instead he's thrown perfectly good food away and decided that is the end of all your holidays. That is what your toddler will remember.

He's a tosser. It's up to you what you do about it but if you have family I think I'd be arranging to stay with them for a while just to get away from him .

As others have said, he's a gaslighting arsehole.
He is messing with your head and pushing you around.
This is not you. You are not crazy.

He’s abusive. You sound like you aren’t coping.

He sounds like a massive prick and you sounded like you totally mishandled the situation with your 3 year old. She was so upset she puked and you deal with this by being pissed off?
Even if it was a one off, your OH sounds abusive and unhinged and I suspect that a lot of your stress is caused by living with, and having to deal with, this cunt of a man.

Not a well done on your husband for taking his 3 year old’s lead on how to respond to something he doesn’t like instead of talking through it like a big boy.

He does not get to dictate when your family holiday ends. He shouldn’t get to throw a tantrum and throw out family food. He really shouldn’t be telling you that something didn’t happen when it clearly did.

I will say this though. You shouldn’t leave.

HE should.

This is not just a man under pressure🙄

The OP came home to sleeping children with an upset 3 year old.

HE decided to escalate things.

HE decided to become abusive and assault the OP.

This is NOT a good man.

This is a man who's controlling behaviour is escalating.

To assault his partner, throw out all the food for the family, go out drinking for the rest of the evening is the very definition of abusive IMO.

OP have you any family to support you?

Jesus, where to start. He pushed you , he threw away all of the food then took himself out to eat and drink.
This alone would be crossing the line massively for me.
Then you mention his verbal abuse and controlling ways.
No, just no.

I couldn't come back from this OP, the way he had behaved is disgraceful. A grown man has pushed you around, thrown things at you, binned food which was supposed to feed his children and ruined everyone's holiday, that's way beyond anything I could forgive.

I used to live like this, and now I wouldn't even accept one 10th of this kind of crap. I don't know how I put up with it for so long (6 year relationship).

Is this really how you want to live your life?

Honestly who the fuck hasn't picked up their child and left a park kicking and screaming my daughter used to absolutely rage at me and yes it did piss me off but I maintained consistency we are leaving now and off we went I didnt scream shout hit etc but my face spoke volumes I daresay

My friend had a child who could vomit if you put sweetcorn on his plate refused to eat around it (sectional plate too it wasn't touching anything 😑) literally demanded a whole new plate of food parents said no so he threw up on the plate 🙄 some kids are vomiters

OP,
I bet if you walked into a police station and described what he did last night and asked for help, the police would step in and take action.

He is a highly abusive man around 3 children under 3.

It's out of character. He does push my buttons and he knows what pushes them. I am really laid back it takes a lot.

Regarding my DD this tantrum thing never happens she was super tired and just uncontrollable. I have apologised to her it shouldn't have escalated but nothing I did or tried was working. Her puking is not out of character she gags and pukes over anything it's just how she's made! Me and my daughter have had a lovely morning together as always.

I'm yet to talk to him about it all I'm not doing it when the kids are around. I'm pretending everything's fine.

He did just try and said so we're just going to pretend everything's okay? I said yes that's what you do as an adult when the children are around.

Honestly he sounds like an abusive cunt. You say this is out of character so maybe something else has happened? But hard to imagine what would justify this behaviour. I expect he actually is like this to a degree, often, and you’re just accustomed to justifying it.

For me, this would be the end of my marriage. He crossed the line and appears to be angling for you to apologise to him when he was the person who deliberately escalated the situation and assaulted you.