To not offer summer holiday childcare

[BettyL]

A friend and I had previously talked about us maybe sharing out school summer holiday childcare next year but I'm having doubts about how it's going to work to everyone's benefit.

Basically I have one young child and they have two (one the same age as mine and one younger). The friend's suggestion was to do a week of childcare each but that wouldn't quite be an equal arrangement - effectively they would save on two lots of childcare costs and have one extra person to feed three meals to, whilst I'd save on one lot of childcare and have two extra people to feed three meals so I'd benefit much less from the arrangement if we just did a simple one week each swap. I'm also not sure if I'd have to pay entry for my friend's children if we went somewhere for the day or whether they would cover those costs.

One thing that concerns me is how I would cope for a week with three children. Although I love my friend's kids they are more challenging behaviour wise compared with my own child and they're also fussy eaters who eat different things so mealtimes aren't straightforward. I'm not sure I could handle the additional stress for a week.

I know my friend is strapped for cash so I try to help where I can but I just don't think I can agree to this arrangement and I'd rather just cover my own summer holiday childcare via other means. I don't mind doing the odd day of taking my friend's kids during the hols but AIBU to say no to doing anything more than that?

Of course yanbu. You're not obligated to look after anyone's children.
If you want, you could offer a day here and there but you're under no obligation to do so

I would hate to be committed to something like that so YANBU

Of course you’re not unreasonable. Tell her now though so she’s not considered this is already ‘sorted’.

I only did this arrangement with people who also only had one child. Otherwise it gets messy.

I wouldn't want to get into any kind of commitment least of all with an 'extra' kid involved. As you say, you'd have an extra mouth to feed and to pay for days out. Any money you might save from her having your 1 DC would be offset by having the 'extra' child when it's your turn. It wouldn't be a fair arrangement.

Suggest a kitty for day trips woth £x per child being put in and then anything left per child being returned to relevant parent. See what she says.

The odd meal would not bother me and I'd certainly not be counting child care costs in multiples. You both benefit overall.

Juggling the summer holidays is hard enough with your own children, never mind anyone else's. I would say that on reflection you think it would be too complicated, but you're happy to do the odd single day swap.

If any friend suggested that I would just say straight away I’m sorry it sounds like a good idea but there’s just no one I could manage two extra children I’m sorry I just couldn’t cope.

I wouldn’t and I say that as someone with 4 children, it will be much harder on you than them having to keep an extra two children entertained

An arrangement of this kind is only fair if you both have each the same number of DCs.

I did this with a friend once. We planned together what we would each do on our week, and paid our own children's expenses, including a contribution for food at home.

We only did it the once because we both found it just too much to have 5 children for 5 days on the trot. But we continued to exchange days like this for several more summers.

I don't think it's helpful to think about it as how much she saves. It's how much you save that should matter to you. But you should definitely each pay your own children's expenses.

Up to you. But let her know ASAP

And I'd look at it as how much you'd save rather than how much she will save

Not an ideal arrangement far better to discuss it further asap and tell her your concerns,what about days out and transport does she have the extra car seats etc available for you to use all sorts of things to consider.

Really not a good idea. Apart from legalities, exchange of monies, God forbid anyone was to have an accident, you wouldn't be able to give consent for medical assistance.
When you are sitting with mum in the park having a laugh and kids playing , you'll think 'I could do this'. When you are stuck indoors with 3 kids (2 of which can be challenging) on day three of your week, it is pissing down with rain, the kids are all at the I'm
bored stage, one of the little darlings has decided that your walls would definitely look better bright pink and in desperation you have handed over juice and biscuits which are now squished attractively into your carpet you won't be quite so keen.
To be honest if the kids are yours its hard enough, someone elses well...
If you decide not to do this please discuss it gently and firmly as soon as possible with your friend so that as a pp mentioned she is not under any illusion that there is any way at all that this will happen.

Odd day = At a push,
A week at a time = Not a chance .
💐

Also you wouldn't be able to have any one to one time with your DC only during the whole of the summer break, apart from the weekends as usual. Unless I've read it wrong.

If you don’t want to, don’t. But you could each do packed lunches for your own children, and agree in advance to pay for days out for own child.

@HelloDulling

If you don’t want to, don’t. But you could each do packed lunches for your own children, and agree in advance to pay for days out for own child.

That sounds a good idea

I don't think it's fair to complain that she will save more money than you, its not relevant. You can agree to days out and cost and you pay for your own children. Suggest you each provide packed lunches.

It is more work for both of you and that is a hood enough reason to say no.

If the whole point is to save money then friend having twice as many children is an issue if they go out for ice cream etc.

Your friend is def getting the easier deal and it's easier to go from 2 chidlren to 3 than 1 to 3.

Yanbu to say, "I've thought about it and decided it will not work for me as I would not cope with having 3 children instead of 1."

I mean its obviously totally up to you.
The fact she saves on cost of two kids, and you only one wouldn't bother me and you can agree things like who pays entry fees, lunches out etc.
But if you don't want to, that's obviously fine.
How close is this friend. If my friend really needed help and I was in a position to help I would do - as long as she wasn't a cf or her kids an absolute nightmare or something.

Up to you, but I agree about telling her now, and also about helping the odd days.

This sort of arrangement isn't for me. I've got one child, i definitely don't want to look after 2 or 3 with any regularity. A friend with two children once suggested this to me and i declined
I'd rather just pay for holiday club for the days or weeks we need it and then enjoy the time we spend together doing what we want - whether that is just us going out somewhere or going somewhere with another family or maybe inviting a friend along

If i was you op, i would suggest you do the odd day but nothing more than that

There’s no way I’d do this. It’s definitely a better deal for her & extra stress for you. Let her know soon though.