This is long winded so I apologise in advance, not even sure if I've put it in the right place.
I have always had a very turbulent relationship with my parents, but especially my mum.
She has made no secret of the fact that 30+ years ago she wanted a boy not a girl and it's gone on from there. She's never been physically abusive towards me, but she is mentally draining. I'm the bad child, the difficult child. I've never done anything naughty or horrific, but was raised in a very controlling household and I did rebel- smoked, drunk, never stayed out all night or came/went home with people on nights out. Where possible I've tried to stay away from my parents, but never fully cut them off.
Every job I've had isn't good enough, my life decisions aren't good enough, Every friend I've ever had my mums hated. Every partner I've had, she's hated. When I met my ex husband she didn't speak to me for a year. When I then announced I was pregnant she didn't speak to me for 12 weeks. But loves her grandchildren although she treats my daughter differently to my son. She does everything with my daughter but won't give my son the time of day half the time unless my daughter isn't here.
She doesn't like my older siblings who are her step children, but used to worship the ground my little sister walked on- up until she announced that she was a lesbian & had a girlfriend who my mother swiftly made her dump and told her she couldn't be a lesbian.
She doesn't have any friends, she's taken to tormenting the next door neighbour's on both sides of her for absolutely no reason. For instance, one is selling there house, she always wanted to buy it but it's way out of their budget. It's got an overgrown footpath that runs down the drive and around the side of the property, so since it's been on the market she has taken to walking that footpath (never walked it before!) twice a day, why? Because she can. Because she wants to put off potential buyers. If she sees a car pull up next door her shoes are on and she's gone.
I've been staying with them for the last couple of years after my relationship broke down. Luckily we're not in the same house, but on the same property. Life has moved on, I've met someone else, engaged, in the process of buying a house, & expecting a child together.... you can guess what I'm going to say... my mum hates him. She hates him even more because he can see through her, he's told her to that she is toxic. So she is now not speaking to me, because I've chosen him over her, and because I am pregnant. He is now not allowed here, so I'm having to travel and see him once every 2 weeks around my other children's visits with their dad. As you can imagine it's exhausting.
I've reached this point where if I didn't have to speak to her again it wouldn't bother me. The same goes for my dad, because he facilitates her behaviour and thinks it's fine.
Is that unreasonable? My husband and ex husband say not, and that I need to do it because she makes me physically ill but she's my mum. I just feel so torn.