My BIL, lives alone has a girlfriend of sorts (he never lives with his partners, just cycles through them every 1-3 years), had a health scare 2-3 years ago. He had sores on his feet, and couldn’t walk far, was told he had an enlarged heart with fluid build up. He was also told he was pre-diabetic. This was all on private health with his employer scheme. But then he quit his job and left that scheme and has started with a different health insurance provider. I think this is relevant because I don’t think notes get shared, and I don’t believe BIL has been to see a GP.
BIL told us 2-3 years ago it was an infection with his heart that had caused it. His sores seemed to have disappeared and we assumed all was well.
Fast forward to Covid we didn’t see him in a year at least. He told my DH (his brother) that he’d got a hernia around his belly button and was seeing a consultant about operating.
BIL tells DH they won’t operate because BIL has heart failure, possible liver failure, ascites and fluid in his abdomen and around his lungs and heart. He’s going to see a heart consultant once private referral from one doctor to the other goes through. In the meantime we now see BIL in the flesh at my son’s birthday party. Whereby he is gaunt in face, and arms, but a huge belly. He looks dire. I prepare a raw salad for BIL which everyone can eat but he insists on ordering a pizza (because my son wanted takeaway pizza for his birthday). He ate a massive pizza. He’s off out to a party today with his girlfriend.
I want to call BIL tomorrow and find out exactly what steps he’s taking to protect his health. He just tells DH he knows he needs to change his diet, but will wait to see consultant first. I doubt BIL has told his girlfriend about all this because I refuse to believe any sane, caring woman will allow her boyfriend to continue drinking and partying with such serious problems.
My FIL is ill, and both he and MIL don’t know because BIL doesn’t want to worry them.
DH is telling me not to get involved. My thinking is, I don’t care if I upset BIL because he is seriously ill and might respond to someone willing to help them think about hospitals and doctors appointments.
I have done similar with my father before he got a partner, buried his head in the sand and used to ring him daily and nag him to see a GP and get him to go shopping and buy healthy food. My father was depressed, and couldn’t think for himself properly. DH thinks I’m not to try. When DH speaks to BIL he seems to dance about the issue but never really has a direct conversation about it. I don’t think DH is taking it seriously either, he wanted me to buy beer for his brother for the party and I point blank refused to.
So AIBU to ignore DH and telephone BIL?
I wanted to speak with BIL alone in person at the party but my kids wouldn’t give us any free time to do so.
BIL is 50 btw and mostly lives on takeaways and never exercises so I cannot understand how he has gone from being overweight to how he is in 18 months of not seeing him because of covid restrictions without something seriously wrong with him.