To feel a bit lonely.

[whatfreshheck]

I've never had loads of friends but since I moved across the country to be with hubby about 15 years ago I have had almost 0 social life. It's got a bit better since I had kids but I just can't seem to bond with anyone enough to be included on nights out etc. Hubby is away a lot and works a lot so it's often just me and the kids and I have no family nearby. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself and wanting to know if it's just me! I'm also terrified I will pass my lack of social life / skills onto DS's (4 & 8).

I feel the same. I started working at a local charity. I met loads of people. It's something that's within your power to change. And I'd say I'm still better friends with my mum and sister than with anyone else.
Do your kids do sports or activities? You could talk to other parents? Do they have birthday parties? Playdates?
You can totally do it! Get a plan of action going! You only need one or two good friends.

@whatfreshheck I feel like you but for different reasons. I do have a bit of a social life but I am lonely in my relationship and unhappy and so it’s often me & the kids for different reasons. I do understand tho

I've felt similar OP. Are there any nice mum's at your DS's school you can invite round for a coffee while the kids play or suggest meeting at the park or something?

Yes I feel the same not really any friends, everyone said I would make loads of mum friends when my kids went to school but that hasn’t happened at all!

I'm sorry so many of you feel the same. Love to you all. It's not a nice feeling. I do try and meet up with mums from school but sometimes it would be nice to be asked not have to do the asking all the time! Now school has started back I'm going to try and volunteer at the school a bit more.

I feel the same, my children are the same age as yours and I worry they'll be as unsociable as I am.

@PumpkinKlNG

Yes I feel the same not really any friends, everyone said I would make loads of mum friends when my kids went to school but that hasn’t happened at all!

Me too!

I am the same. I do try to make friends but I think I am actually introverted without realising it, because I really struggle socially and I can't have too many things lined up because I'll feel so anxious about it and I need lots of time between events or whatever to 'recharge'. I then struggle feeling lonely and jealous of people who have lovely social lives etc. I don't know. I think I'm a bit weird!!!

Feeling the same way. My husband is away every weekend for the next month, working in the day but socialising and drinking in the evenings (he works at festivals) and I’m sitting in by myself, having got the children to bed and am hearing the sound of all the neighbours having barbecues and friends over while it’s just me and the TV. I used to be sociable too, but the kids came along plus my job is so all-consuming that I’ve lost touch with many friends and not had the time to make new ones. Feel annoyed that husband is out there somewhere having a great time, not even bothering to call me, while I’m alone. But feel that it’s my own doing for not having prioritised friendships more in recent years.

@WellyBoot12345

Feeling the same way. My husband is away every weekend for the next month, working in the day but socialising and drinking in the evenings (he works at festivals) and I’m sitting in by myself, having got the children to bed and am hearing the sound of all the neighbours having barbecues and friends over while it’s just me and the TV. I used to be sociable too, but the kids came along plus my job is so all-consuming that I’ve lost touch with many friends and not had the time to make new ones. Feel annoyed that husband is out there somewhere having a great time, not even bothering to call me, while I’m alone. But feel that it’s my own doing for not having prioritised friendships more in recent years.

I'm sorry. I feel the same as well and I find it quite hard not to resent DH sometimes.

I feel very much like I have limited energy for things. Work/dh/dd and at the end of the day I am like oh god I can't give anyone else any more and want to veg out. But then feel rather lonely.

Same here. I live abroad so no family either. I used to have a group of friends but they all moved to other places/ returned home. I’d like to make some local mum friends but my language still isn’t up to scratch. Also, I really miss having people to talk about home stuff with.

I also find making friends really tough. Outwardly I think I appear very confident and good at social things but I actually find it draining and a bit exhausting making new friends. Especially as I always worry they are just going to end up leaving too.

And on top of it all corona virus has really made it impossible the last 18months to make new friends. It’s been a very lonely time for me. I had a baby in 2020 and even though he’s a dream, I miss having those support meetings that I had with my first child.

Ime, certain activities help you make friends more easily than others. I never made friends doing sport or fitness classes, even though I always had a great time, But it never seemed to develop into anything outside of practise. But I know people whose social life revolves around the cricket or tennis club, so not always true. DH says the same of choir -it's just practise and then go home. Things like drama groups, book clubs and creative writing classes seem to help people bond more because you open up more - share more of yourself so it's easier to break through the barrier of superficial friendly politeness and actually properly feel you know someone. From that, coffee meet ups and nights out flow naturally.

I find all my close friends come not from social situations but from shared interest groups. If you have a passion or obsession in common, it's easier to get to know someone.

Sorry I realize none of that is very uplifting! A few years ago when I was in this pattern before and wanted to make some friends I joined a local fb group and literally said ‘I’m lonely does anyone want to meet up’ or words slightly less humiliating to that effect.

It worked, and I made some lovely friends. They did all leave eventually - but the friendship and support we had in those few years was cherished and saved me from real sadness. I guess I need to try it again. How did you approach trying to make friends?

To all of you feeling lonely like me I'm sending all my love. It's a horrible feeling. Xxxxxx

I’ve decided that I’m going to start some sort of a club when the new term starts to try to get out of this rut. But I would say, for those of you who are worried your children will turn out to be socially isolated too, my children didn’t do a lot with friends outside of school when they were at primary school and it was reliant on me to organise. But now my oldest has started secondary, her social life is non stop and she puts me to shame!

It definitely takes time and effort when you're the outsider. The other mums will already have their social circles and routines and people are lazy - to get to the point where they're asking you will take time and persistence. It's not personal. If they are accepting your invites, that's a good start! Keep putting the effort in, grow a thick skin and it will pay off.

@pecanmix

I feel very much like I have limited energy for things. Work/dh/dd and at the end of the day I am like oh god I can't give anyone else any more and want to veg out. But then feel rather lonely.

This is me 100% .... I feel lonely but have no energy left for making the effort with friends (the few I have left!) after work, kids, house

I also feel a bit sad as I've always had good friendships till the last few years ...my 40th I had a huge party and it was full of close friends- I was saying to dh I'd struggle to know who to invite now . I have read something about you only need 4 friends - the problem I have is I do have friends but I only see them maybe each friend every few weeks so there's no one I text regularly or would ring if there was news I wanted to share (possibly post lockdown linked)
I also find it a bit hard because dh is very popular and has a big group of close mates and his phone is constantly pinging and he is out most weekends