AIBU to be jealous of my son's grandparents (my parents)

Youdonthavetobegood · 2021-08-28T18:46:14+00:00

I know I am unreasonable. But I can't help it! My parents have DS a day a week while I work, plus sees them regularly other times. He absolutely adores them, and vice versa, has a ball with them and is imppecably behaved. All we hear is what a great, well behaved child he is. Which is great for them but I'm so goddamn jealous! He's 3, and I find him an almighty handful. I really do struggle to enjoy parenting a lot of them time, particularly over the pandemic when we were stuck at home a lot. I wonder why I can't enjoy him like my parents do? And equally why doesnt he enjoy me as much as he enjoys them?! As if I'm jealous of my own parents [confused]

JuneOsborne · 28/08/2021 19:52

Because, when they have your kid for the day, they don't have to put a load of washing on, clean down the kitchen sides, think of a nutritious evening meal that you'll all eat, then prep it, then hang out that washing. They don't have to rush around, getting insurance quotes while he's busy in his high chair for 5 minutes. Then get the washing in.

Because there's 2 of them giving all of their attention to him. Because they get to send him home, so for those 7 hours they can simply be with the child. Throw themselves into the games, playing, the reading,the discovering, all of it. You do that with one eye on something else all of the time. It's completely different.

Parenting is 24/7 and it's bloody hard.

sittingonacornflake · 28/08/2021 19:59

@JuneOsborne

Because, when they have your kid for the day, they don't have to put a load of washing on, clean down the kitchen sides, think of a nutritious evening meal that you'll all eat, then prep it, then hang out that washing. They don't have to rush around, getting insurance quotes while he's busy in his high chair for 5 minutes. Then get the washing in.

Because there's 2 of them giving all of their attention to him. Because they get to send him home, so for those 7 hours they can simply be with the child. Throw themselves into the games, playing, the reading,the discovering, all of it. You do that with one eye on something else all of the time. It's completely different.

Parenting is 24/7 and it's bloody hard.

You couldn't have summed this up better!

Smartiepants79 · 28/08/2021 20:05

Because they only have him for 10/11 hours in one go and then they give him back!
There’s two of them and one of him. And while he’s with them he’s all they have to focus on.
It sounds like they’re wonderful grandparents and he’s lucky to have them in his life. Try and be grateful for them and what they bring to his life.

Keeva2017 · 28/08/2021 20:09

Uh I totally get this feeling, but the previous posters are right. An intense few hours when you know you have the next 6 days without a tiny person to keep alive is a breeze compared to actually parenting. My girls adore my parents and I used to feel a little envious but now I just appreciate their relationship so much. Don’t take it personally when your child seems to prefer them to you. They don’t but in the moment they are all about the fun.

Original poster

Youdonthavetobegood · 28/08/2021 20:20

Aw thanks everyone. I'm glad I'm not the only one. It really does bother me, but I have to remind myself that I am the adult!

OP posts:

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 28/08/2021 20:22

I wonder why I can't enjoy him like my parents do?

Because they get to give him back. It doesn't matter if he's tired,cranky, having a sugar rush, getting the shits and projectile vomiting etc. At the end of the day he goes home.

It's a well defined ,limited period and they don't have to deal with the after effects if there are any. Plus.. they get to miss him, aren't half zombies if he refused to sleep, touched out and talked out.

GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 20:25

Be glad your son has a good time with them, and is making memories.
Unfortunately my parents didn’t live long enough to meet mine.

Kite22 · 28/08/2021 20:29

I can't put it better than JuneOsborne

It is why so many people enjoy being a grandparent - it is the time you really get to enjoy children at that stage without all the other stuff going on.

RedHelenB · 28/08/2021 20:31

Maybe try to relax more with him
.kids pick up if you're stressed.

hiredandsqueak · 28/08/2021 20:41

My dgs now 2 is an absolute doddle for me, doesn't strop or whinge or cry and happily does what I tell him. For dd though he's a real handful. She has sent me videos of him thowing almighty strops over nothing and he's unreconiseable to the child I have here. I assume it's because he is far more comfortable around dd and when he comes here Gangan has nothing better to do than entertain him whereas doing it day in day out must be a drag.

ElizaDoolots · 28/08/2021 20:43

I often feel the same about my DD and MIL, I find her to be a handful but MIL talks about how easy going she is. I’ve come to realise it’s mainly because MIL lets her do anything and everything she wants, whereas as the parent you have to say no more.

Bunnycat101 · 28/08/2021 20:47

ElizaDoolots I was about to say that very same thing. It is much easier looking after a toddler when you just say yea to them abs five then copious amounts of treats. Often as well grandparents don’t deal with the consequences of overtiredneas etc. Mine are always delightful for their grandparents but we pay the price the next day because they don’t tend to enforce napping or strict bedtimes.

TulipsTwoLips · 28/08/2021 20:50

@ElizaDoolots

I often feel the same about my DD and MIL, I find her to be a handful but MIL talks about how easy going she is. I’ve come to realise it’s mainly because MIL lets her do anything and everything she wants, whereas as the parent you have to say no more.

I think this is a massive part of it!

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 20:53

Also your parents will never tell you your child is a nightmare! DM and MIL always day DS is an angel, he is no such thing and working from home on occasion from an upstairs bedroom I heard him give them the same run around he gives us, they still said oh he was lovely, no bother and I or DH would say what about the tantrum over the banana he wanted back but he'd eaten !! They just smile indulgently and laugh it off. He does have all of their attention, and they're not trying to do housework etc around him, but also as grandparents they have different expectations than a parent. I think about how much I adore my son despite the stresses of day to day raising him, if I had him to play with once a week I'd be his biggest fan. I also think about how biased I would be about my PFB's PFB!! And even if you think the child is a pain in the backside you're not going to tell your own child that about their offspring.

TurquoiseBaubles · 28/08/2021 20:55

My children were all like that with my parents.

I am so looking forward to being a grandmother

nildesparandum · 28/08/2021 21:10

For long time I had all of my grandchildren (not all at once) living with me and my now late DH while their parents looked for a house.
I cared for them while parents worked, got them from school or nursery but at the end of the day it was not me who put them to bed, got them up, washed and dressed them etc. We had lovely moments during the day, and days out in fine weather but it was only two days a week, the rest of the time I was child free.My own parents never did any childcare for me when mine were young and MIL only did it when it suited her.
Your son has lovely grandparents, but remember he is your child and your responsibility, your parents just have him for a short time each week, so have plenty time to play with him etc.You are the one who feeds and clothes him

venusandmars · 28/08/2021 21:47

When my dgc come for a day I have had time to plan and prep food, to buy emergency comics, to think of 2 or 3 activities. Usually it is me and dh so a different adult to child ratio. Plus all our chores are done on all the other days so I can spend hours sitting on the beach picking over shells, and dh and can spend hours playing games with them.

But if I tell dgs off, he wants his Mum, or when dgd is going to bed (in our house) she wants Mum to read to her. We have a strong and lovely bond, but thier prime attachement is to Mum.