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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else look forward to weekend but then Husband does jobs ?

62 replies

TulipVictory · 28/08/2021 15:35

I know I'm probably sounding ungrateful but doesn't anyone else often end up in this situation. Currently at home with the kids as am on mat leave. I look forward to the weekend all week as then we're all together. However, often, like today, he decides to do a job (I'm aware it needs doing). Like today he said he needed to strim and mow the front and back. He's spent all day doing it so far and that's just the front, he hasn't even done the back yet. Meanwhile I'm sat around feeling like a spare part with nothing to do all day like the rest of the week. It's just like any other week day as he's not here with us anyway.

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/08/2021 15:37

I think you need to sit and talk about it. You and he can both see things need doing, so he is probably assuming that the weekends are the most suitable time to get them done.

I'd ask that he has a jobs feee weekend day so that you can either all spend the day together or can tag team with the little one so you can get some time to do stuff too.

GoWalkabout · 28/08/2021 15:40

Have a chat Friday nights to plan what you will do, and ask for family plans to be done first, then jobs, as your preference. Propose plans yourself.

MrsClatterbuck · 28/08/2021 16:20

Wow how big is your garden. Or is he very fussy. Agreed to sit down and talk to each other. Yes jobs need doing but family time is important as well and the jobs will always be there. Of course there are some that can't be left too long maybe but every weekend. Children grow so fast especially the baby years and you can't get them back so if it's not urgent maybe it can wait. Also surely he can do some of them on a week night.

Howshouldibehave · 28/08/2021 16:26

How big is your front garden?
Either you live in a stately home or he is hiding from family life.

Mogloveseggs · 28/08/2021 16:27

How big is your lawn? Admittedly ours is little but it's a half hour job tops for strim and mow. I'd go out and leave him to it if you can even if it's only for a walk.

Mogloveseggs · 28/08/2021 16:28

Pressed send too soon sorry. He might think then that he's missing out and realise? Or he's using it as an excuse in which case you have a bigger problem.

Sparklesocks · 28/08/2021 16:28

Strimming and mowing a single garden really shouldn’t take all day unless you have acres of land. Its perfectly reasonable to assign some household jobs to the weekend alongside everything else but it really shouldn’t take up the entire day.

GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 16:30

I wish mine would do jobs.
Weekends here are attending the match and watching it all on TV.

MrsPumpkinSeed · 28/08/2021 16:32

My dh does a lot of jobs too but they genuinely need to get done then of course he needs to visit in laws.

So now I make plans for myself Saturday mornings - nails or swim or coffee and then I ensure we get a bit of family time over the weekend (Sundays are boring too here as he wants to visit in laws which is OK but I don't enjoy it much so I get an hour to myself usually too )

GoingOutOutNEVER · 28/08/2021 16:32

Why don’t you do the jobs during the week, depending on ages of kids either they in high chair/pram and older ones helping out

Imnothereforthedrama · 28/08/2021 16:35

You need to have a chat about what you plan to do with the weekend. If he said he wants to cut the grass it really shouldn’t take hours . You shouldn’t be waiting for him, why are you waiting for him anyway ? . I’d catch up with things that I needed to do or go out . If you say fine cut the grass but we are going out at 1pm . If you don’t he’ll assume no rush and spend all day doing something because you’ve not discussed it.

username890 · 28/08/2021 16:40

Is he cutting the lawn with nail scissors?

CampaignToo · 28/08/2021 16:47

When I was SAHM I made sure the jobs were done in the week precisely because I wanted the weekends to be family time. I know MN disapproves, but if you don't want him doing it at weekends, you do it, if you "spend all week sat around feeling like a spare part with nothing to do all day like the rest of the week"

OTOH, why do you have to sit around like a spare part either now or during the week, just because he's not available? Do you thing, you don't need to rely on him for entertainment.

User7312019 · 28/08/2021 16:54

You could always do the jobs in the week you know.

Sandinmyknickers · 28/08/2021 16:58

Why don't you make plans? I.e. "on Saturday afternoon, let's head over to the park as a family, and then later, we can have a nice family meal when we get back and watch a film/play board games"
Sounds like he is a bit bored maybe, so maybe feeling like there is something to do rather than just 'hang out?

GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 17:00

When I was a SAHM I did everything so we could enjoy his days off, but I’ve made a rod for my own back. I now work pt, do all the cleaning and weeding, and cook most nights while he mows the lawn, and he’s retired.

YoComoManzanas · 28/08/2021 17:01

I used to enjoy cutting the lawn myself while kids were young. Baby was in a sling or sat in a bouncer out of the way.
Took me about an hour to mow my lawn approx 90m2 front and back yesterday. Including hand trimming the edges and pulling some weeds.
Plan some activities and spell them out. He can mow the lawn later.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 28/08/2021 17:05

@TulipVictory - does HE want to spend time with you?

penguinwithasuitcase · 28/08/2021 17:11

Do 'jobs' together?

Some of our favourite memories are of doing very 'mundane' things and having fun with it.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 28/08/2021 17:23

He’s stretching that job out faaaaaaar longer than it needs to be. You need to wonder why. Perhaps you volunteer to mow while he watches the kids and then see his reaction when you spend the whole day on it...?

DogsAreImpawtant · 28/08/2021 17:34

Meanwhile I'm sat around feeling like a spare part with nothing to do all day like the rest of the week.

Can’t you do some things without him around in the week? Some of the jobs that need doing to free up the weekend. Or just do things on weekdays for fun? Why do you have nothing to do on weekdays?

Cocomarine · 28/08/2021 17:39

Another curious as to the size of your garden!

It does need to be done though.

Agree that you need to talk to him about time together at the weekend. Paying someone, one of you doing it in the evening, you doing it during the day, agree a limited period of time for one of you to do it at the weekend, no plucking the lawn with tweezers… etc.

Kite22 · 28/08/2021 17:43

I wish my dh spent some weekends doing household jobs......

However, if you are a SAHM, why don't you cut the lawn during the week ?
Or, alternatively, do it together at the weekend ?

SoundBar · 28/08/2021 17:49

Why don't you make a plan with him during the week?

It's a constant stream of planning here to try and keep the kids entertained. Can't stand being in the house!

Oblomov21 · 28/08/2021 17:55

How can it take all day. It takes a couple of hours max.

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