To wonder if dating was easier before mobile phones and texting

[Godwits]

I did my dating in the 80s/early 90s. None of us had mobiles so whilst there were sometimes logistical problems when making arrangements we managed.

There seems to be a lot of angst about texting or lack of. He doesn't text enough, he doesn't text first, he doesn't reply quickly enough, should I text him?

And misunderstandings. I often want to say "give each other some space to get on with your jobs" or "ring him and TALK rather than text."

So was dating more straightforward in pre mobile days? I'm pretty sure I would've been joining in the angst if they'd been around

Bump ...

I think you’re right, I’m in my 20’s so did my dating exclusively in the mobile era and tbh there’s so much to agonise over! Even
“He’s gone from leaving me xxx to leaving only x, have I upset him? Is he going to dump me?” It just seems like a whole new bunch of things to be anxious about!

YANBU.

Yes and no…

In my day (late 80s into 90s) we didn’t do that much dating as such it was more getting drunk, snogging and/or shagging someone and it went from there. I don’t think I ever got invited on an actual date until post divorce in my early 40s.

I think the internet means far more choice and therefore more angst because the nature of that choice means it’s harder to know if someone is actually interested or just adding your name to a standby list. So probably more scope for paranoia etc.

That said I think people tend to romanticise the pre-internet approach. There were just as many sleazebags and time wasters about in those days. But it was harder to get away with shitty behaviour because the chances were that anyone you went out with had mutual friends etc.

Swings and roundabouts.

I definitely would have preferred to date without technology. I’m 23 and I’m so anxious and paranoid about everything now regarding dating, but I’ve got it more under control since meeting my current partner.

If I would have been able to date without technology, I think I’d have honestly been better off in terms of my mental health because I wouldn’t be worried about all the “what ifs”.

I agree with all that @thepeopleversuswork said.

I'd also add that there was none of this 'exclusive' stuff that seems to have come over from America. You started seeing someone and that was it, you were boyfriend and girlfriend. You didn't need to have 'the chat' and there wasn't an expectation that you were still seeing other people until you had.

Sorry, I see it was about technology but I guess it still applies. People weren't as available because there were no dating apps so it was more difficult to have people on the side.

I met most of my exes in the pub when I was drunk

The problem isn't the technology, which actually could allow you to get to know someone quicker, as you can talk in between dates and in their daily life, but the users.
I also can be a very anxious person, so I'm not having a go. But we all need to realise that we can control our responses to things, or how we use technology, and if we are getting anxious from it, we need to take steps to limit it, or use it in a way that works for us.
If dating with texting is making you really anxious and overthink, I don't think the problem is phones. If you are going to get anxious and second guess interactions, then you will do that in real life too, surely. And also, I would have thought not having a phone puts more pressure on "dates"..which could equally be quite anxiety inducing...

In my day (late 80s into 90s) we didn’t do that much dating as such it was more getting drunk, snogging and/or shagging someone and it went from there

Yes, meeting at discos, pubs, clubs, through work. Not necessarily getting drunk and jumping into bed but becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'd also add that there was none of this 'exclusive' stuff that seems to have come over from America

Jackie magazine called it "going steady"

I guess it was more straightforward in "my day", in the 1970s. We just phoned, made the arrangements and then turned up at the arranged time and place (or not!).
It was quite common for people to be stood up - and I think perhaps that's because the person who had changed their mind was too embarrassed to phone and actually explain themselves, so they chickened out and just didn't show up. A text is less personal and just a quick "sorry, I've changed my mind" is easy.

I'm rather glad that I (and also my children) grew up before the era of mobiles and social media though. I do think life was less complicated then.

I agree, I find it incomprehensible now….and it sounds so stressful. If you were anxious back in my day (late 80’s), yes you were anxious but you weren’t also trying to follow someone online to see what they were up to etc.

I’m not sure how anyone gets any work done at all!

I’m not sure how anyone gets any work done at all!

I know, right? all the online stuff takes up so much bandwidth. Checking the dating apps, chatting on WhatsApp. Particularly if you've got 2 or 3 on the go, which I believe is what you're recommended to do with OD in the early stages. I did it for about 18 months and found it exhausting. If I was single again I don't know if I could be arsed.

Genuine question: do teens meet members of the opposite sex via apps? I'd sort of assumed that was post uni but I may be out of touch!

I definitely think dating apps are absolutely toxic to good relationships.

Everything was easier before social media and mobiles.

I think it was a lot easier. There were no texts or messages that can easily be misunderstood, we either met up in person or talked on the phone.

Oh, the excitement of waiting for the phone at home to ring and hoping it was him. And trying to get there before my parents to answer it in case they said something embarrassing! This was in the early 80s.

@Godwits

Genuine question: do teens meet members of the opposite sex via apps? I'd sort of assumed that was post uni but I may be out of touch!

Let's not leave out groups. Some people meet members of the same same sex on these apps.

Oh, the excitement of waiting for the phone at home to ring and hoping it was him. And trying to get there before my parents to answer it in case they said something embarrassing! This was in the early 80s.

I remember it well!