We never go on dates anymore

[Roselow43]

Dp was never the best for dates before dc came along. But now we have a dc we have been on ONE date since he was born. He is nearly a year old. There is always a reason (excuse) too tired, busy day ect ect.

We barely speak anymore. We are in bed by 9 and up by 7. Everything is based around dc but not us. I understand babies are demanding but there is defiently time that could be made.

It's got to the point where I bought us an indoor activity so there was no expectation there to go out and i asked dp if we could just take an hour of his day so we could do it. He kept saying yes but never actually did. I dont know why I bothered. According to him he does want to do it but stuff gets in the way.

Dp was quick to tell me he felt like we were "friends" because our lack of sex but what about this. I feel so disconnected to him, like we are co parents and nothing more.

Aibu is this just what having a baby is?

Or is he excuse making?

How old is he?

I think 'dates' is a stupid description once your in a committed relationship, but it seems to be a common description of a 'night out' 'dinner out' these days. Same with 'movie night' or whatever it's just doing stuff together, spending time doing things, whether it's a board game or DIY.

Babies change your life, but most of them don't have to be a '24/7 hands on job' or things that stop you 'doing stuff'

It's not the baby that's the problem, it's a man that's tired by 9pm when he's getting up at 7pm & seemingly has zero interest in doing stuff as a couple or as a family.

Does he need to see a Dr?

7am obviously 🙄

@LagunaBubbles because do said when he as a minute to himself he is so tired he just wants to check out and go on his full. Its pathetic he doesnt even work full time but you think he would the way he goes on. He uses the fact that he cooks dinner ect as an excuse. He says I have too much time on my hands (most likely because I'm a sahm) but I dont pretty much everything when he isnt here

We've just had a massive argument about it. Apparently I'm living in a "fantasy" world expecting an hour out of his time and he thinks I am being unreasonable for having a baby and expecting any quality time. He was basically implying maybe I shouldnt of had a baby.

I think it's a pathetic cop out. 1 hour a week is nothing. And he most likely spends that and them some on his phone

It's hard but there should be a couple of hours at least 3 times a week or so for you to catch up, have sex, engage with each other!

For example ours is a case of 2 times a week DH goes to the gym after baby is in bed around 7/8. I do a home workout or chill. Then 2 days I see a friend in the evening or go do something pampering like nails or hair, then one day weekday we spend together usually Friday eve. Then we have weekends as family time. Sex is a lot less often than it used to be as we are both tired but not really that infrequent!

But Dates will be hard unless you can find regular childcare? Or do it at home in the eve

@MilkywayMonarch22 that's why I invested in an activity we can do at home. He still finds reasons not to do that. Apparently I put no effort in to making time for us and buying the activity was minimally effort. It was more than he bloody done. If it was up to him we would be doing nothing

What is the activity OP? Does he enjoy it?

What is his solution to the issue? X

@MilkywayMonarch22 it's a board game. We are both gamers so it's nothing something we dont love.

He hasnt presented any solution he just says I'm too impatient and delusional.

I guess it would be time. But i feel so disconnected from him and I guess with more time this feeling would only just grow. We have other issues and I think this maybe the icing on the cake to the end of our relationship

It sounds like there are other issues not just an hour of time.I’d spend the down time working extra given there are two adults and a child to be supported on one part time wage.

Well, if he isn't willing to listen to his you feel then he is adding to this strain. It may be worth really explaining bluntly to him that you feel it's getting toward the end of the relationship if you can't reconnect! Easier said than done I know.

Does he even like board games? DS is a gamer but he wouldn't be impressed with a board game.
It's not even an activity that encourages intimacy of any sort.

I'd rather be more spontaneous and think of something that encourages physical proximity or talking.