I think/hope IABU. Introducing formula to TTC

[ValidUser]

DS is almost 6 months old. He's our IVF baby, he's amazing and we adore him and I never thought he'd happen and I'm frequently overwhelmed by how lovely and wonderful he is. (I know all mums adore their/our babies.)

(If people are asking/wondering, we wouldn't be eligible to adopt for many reasons.)

I have a diagnosis of tubal infertility after childhood peritonitis. Yesterday, I found out my remaining tube is patent. This was unexpected and excellent news. We're gently introducing formula to EBF DS in the hope of conceiving naturally and avoiding buying our lovely IVF consultant a yacht this year.

I'm full of all the emotions. I know it's natural etc etc, but finding it hard to give him the bottle.

In fairness, he's not enjoying this new journey and neither am I. Please tell us to give our heads a wobble. Are we on glue?

I’m no expert but I don’t think you need to stop bf to conceive.

Personally OP, if breastfeeding works best for the baby you've longed for all this time, I'd carry on in your shoes

It's obviously nutritionally the most amazing thing you can give him.

He is still so little. Can you not possibly hold off TTC again for a while?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing not necessarily, but often menstrual cycles don't return until after 15 months.

I'm also no fertility expert but am a medical doctor and regular cycles will likely help TTC, especially in the context of infertility.

In your situation OP I definitely would, it is possible to conceive BF but id assume a lot more difficult.

Our baby has been FF since birth and he's absolutely thriving so please don't feel guilty about not giving your baby "the best" - fed is best after all.

You know yourself it could take a while to conceive in your situation so I think giving yourself the best chance possible can only be a good thing.

Best of luck in whatever you decide!🤞

@hidingnowsons that's exactly my dilemma! I want to do the best I can for my wonderful son.

At the same time, what will I regret least? Nourishing my son (with alternatives) or having one child (when a sibling may (or may not) be more helpful than a boob?!).

BTW I don't have a lot of time. I'm 31 but my egg count and quality is poor for my age

Many women's cycles return much sooner than that, usually when solid foods are introduced.

My cycles returned at 4mo despite DD EBF'ing for 10 months, annoyingly

@Lou98 thank you so much

@ThreeLittleDots he's had a few solids and I've had two irregular cycles.

I'm thinking and open to all suggestions, but would be interested in the tough suggestions of AIBU...

If you think it's unnatural and you're not sure about it, then don't give him the bottle then. Maybe give it another 6 months before TTC? Then DS continues to get all the benefits of BF, and you give your body a rest between pregnancies to build itself back up again.
And as Gertrude said, you don't need to stop BF anyway. Most women find that their periods come back despite BF. We're well-nourished enough!

@BaronessBomburst I'm very tempted by your suggestion, I must admit!

@ValidUser no problem! Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

At the end of the day though formula wouldn't be allowed to be sold if it didn't contain everything a baby needs- you've breast fed for 6 months, you'll have given baby loads of goodness in that time, don't feel guilty at all about making the switch to formula.

You won't regret switching your baby to formula but you may regret not TTC sooner 💞

(At the same time, not at all bothered by unnatural!)

Okay, cross-posted with you saying that you've only had two irregular cycles.

I take it that you have a boob-monster then?

@Lou98 that's the way I've been thinking. DS may be glad of a sibling when I'm old and calling the Samaritans for the chats. 😂

@BaronessBomburst he loves the boob! Don't want to deny him, but also want to
nor deny him a sibling?

Also would love another baby, but my eggs are old for my age and want to keep my existing miracle (of science!) child cared for

Not, not nor!)

@ValidUser haha exactly, he may well be😂

Fwiw, I was a BF baby and I'm forever catching bugs/colds etc, have a few medical issues. My DP was a FF baby and honestly couldn't tell you the last time he had a bug, doesn't have any medical issues and is fighting fit.
I know loads of others like that too. There's no guarantee of how healthy your child will grow up to be, I personally don't think it makes a difference (although I know others disagree).

I did however, love having a sibling. She was combi fed as wanted more milk than my mum could produce, you could try combi feeding to start with and see if BF a bit less helps bring back regular cycles? Then if not can choose whether you want to continue BF or change fully to Formula

Not so long ago, 6 months was reckoned to be 'enough' anyway. Neither BF nor a sibling is essential to your DC's wellbeing (there are lots of happy only children). Your own well-being matters too - for yourself but also for him.

So don't beat yourself up on his account either way - you can do what works best for you.

@ErrolTheDragon thank you! That's how my rational brain would like to think.

@Lou98 I was a clingy FF baby. My brother was an easy going BF baby.

I know the whole thing is not guaranteed.

But I love breastfeeding and also want another child!

Maybe IABU or maybe IANBU. But genuinely struggling.

@ValidUser you perhaps would get on with combi feeding then - best of both if it means your cycles come back a bit more regular.
Although I know sometimes once baby takes a bottle they won't also take the boob so would be worth considering first.

Either way, take your time to think about it and make sure what you decide is the best option for you 💞

@Lou98 the aim (albeit ambitious!) is that we combi feed until our next child is born. But I'm open to EBF, EFF. and all alternatives in the meantime...

In an ideal world, we'd combi feed and then I'd tandem feed. But I do recognise how lucky that would be.

I'm genuinely ok with the middle ground. But my priority is 2-3 children, BF then combi/EFF.

I'm ok with FF. We needed nipple shields for a long time and we're moving towards FF plus BF.

But in a perfect world, we need both and can go with BF for as long as possible

I think whichever you go for will be the right thing to do here, both are valid, which I imagine is why it is so difficult as well.

There are millions decisions your will make for your DS (like if you should continue breastfeeding), some will work for your personal circumstances and some won't. It sounds like you feel another child would benefit your family, including your DS.

Why not wait just another month or two? I know you don’t have loads of time but I was convinced my cycles would take 12+ months to return as I was EBF, DD was feeding overnight and we didn’t start solids until six months. At seven months my cycle returned like clockwork, in fact I had fed her three times the night before 🙃 I have all the signs I am ovulating. If BF is important to you and you worked hard to achieve it with fiddly nipple shields it might be worth holding off on the formula for a couple of months and seeing how things go.