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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DH going out night before child's birthday

51 replies

FreakinFrankNFurter · 27/08/2021 12:50

A while ago DH mentioned going out with a friend to a particular event. He didn't say when it was exactly and i didn't ask.

It is our child's 7th birthday on Sunday and he's having a party at 10am. We've wrapped presents and I'm sorting some things out today ready for the party and the shopping for a family buffet tea in the afternoon after the party. That's all fine

Turns out DH's night out is saturday, the night before DD's party. It will probably be a midnight ish end to the night out, so not reallt late so less likely to be hungover so i'm not too worried about that.

I just feel sad that i will be putting out the presents, a few balloons and decorations in the living room on my own once DD is asleep. It's obviously not difficult, i can easily do it alone, but it feels something DH and i should be doing together ready for her birthday. Like all kids, DD is excited for her birthday and putting things out the night before feels special (to me), a bit like christmas eve. Maybe that's because DD is our only child, i don't know, it's just the way i feel

I'm not sure if I'm reasonable to feel sad and also a bit pissed off that DH didn't think about the night out being the day before DD'S birthday. Or I am being unreasonable and ridiculous and need to give myself a slap with a wet fish?

Would this bother you?

OP posts:

BrilloPaddy · 27/08/2021 13:09

If he was going to come home bladdered and like a bear with a sore head the next day, I'd say No a cat in hells.

If he's an adult, however, and knows you need him on top form the next day... no issue at all.

ManifestDestinee · 27/08/2021 13:09

YABU. If you hadn't chosen the ridiculously early time of 10am on a Sunday, you could have done it altogether at a civilised time on Sunday morning.

Yarboosucks · 27/08/2021 13:13

Make life easier for yourself and help the planet, ditch the bloody balloons! Have a quiet glass of wine instead.

Shelovesamystery · 27/08/2021 13:16

OP I get where your coming from. My DH works evenings and he is rarely at home on the evenings before birthdays (though always manages to get the actual birthday off which is good). I get quite excited putting out the presents and decorations, imaging the dc's face in the morning. And I do get a bit 😒 when DH isn't there to get excited with me 😂

But yeah it's not worth being annoyed with him or anything. But I think you've realised that

My dd's birthday is Sunday too and I'll be putting up banners and blowing up balloons on my own tomorrow night as well. I think a nice is in order for us when we've finished.

SunshineCake · 27/08/2021 13:17

Dh and I put things out together too for our kids birthdays and they are now 16, 18 and 20.

I would sacrifice the putting out together but no way does he get to take anything away from DDs birthday. He needs to parent, pleasantly without any hint of tiredness or hang over.

Fountainsoftea · 27/08/2021 13:22

I've been the parent going out. Came home pissed and saw my arse cos dh hadn't put anything out and I had to wobble about doing it.

I was mildly hung over the day of the actual bday, but we'd already had the party, so I could lie around, assisting with lego building.

AntiHop · 27/08/2021 13:25

Yabu for having a birthday party at 10am on a Sunday morning!

Anoisagusaris · 27/08/2021 13:27

If you want to do it together, why don’t you wait for him and do it at midnight?

Original poster

FreakinFrankNFurter · 27/08/2021 13:29

If the preparations are special to you, that's fine. Enjoy them, they'll stop soon enough. But different things are important/poignant to different parents.

I think that's probably it, the prep is special to me even if it's not to other people. So i need to enjoy it myself rather than expecting DH to automatically find it special too

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 27/08/2021 13:29

10am on a Sunday morning?

daisypond · 27/08/2021 13:30

Definitely skip the balloons!

Original poster

FreakinFrankNFurter · 27/08/2021 13:32

But yeah it's not worth being annoyed with him or anything. But I think you've realised that

I kind of suspected when posting that i was being a knob but this thread has confirmed it and i have apologised to DH for being a knob

My dd's birthday is Sunday too and I'll be putting up banners and blowing up balloons on my own tomorrow night as well. I think a nice wine is in order for us when we've finished.

Happy birthday to your DD. I will join you in that

OP posts:

CherieBabySpliffUp · 27/08/2021 13:35

As long as he is still capable in the morning to organise the party then it's fine in my opinion.

Original poster

FreakinFrankNFurter · 27/08/2021 13:36

Make life easier for yourself and help the planet, ditch the bloody balloons! Have a quiet glass of wine instead.

Damn, I did non plastic or landfill party bags but forgot about balloons being an issue! I guess i've bought them now so damage is done, might as well blow the things up

OP posts:

Original poster

FreakinFrankNFurter · 27/08/2021 13:37

Yabu for having a birthday party at 10am on a Sunday morning

Good job you're not invited then

OP posts:

GintyMcGinty · 27/08/2021 13:38

It wouldn't bother me tbh.

Russell19 · 27/08/2021 13:39

You don't need help with the decorations like you said. Just get dh to help with the wrapping etc in advance then you just put everything out.

Pebbledashery · 27/08/2021 13:40

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 27/08/2021 13:42

I wouldn't mind setting out the birthday stuff the night before by myself (we have 6 children and i often do it myself). I would mind if he came in really late or drunk the night before a child's birthday, especially if we were having a party at 10am. If you know ur DH can control himself and won't come back drunk and will be home about midnight then i can't see a problem with that. Enjoy ur daughters birthday 🎈🎂🥳

EmeraldShamrock · 27/08/2021 13:43

I'd be pissed out just because I wouldn't do it before my DC birthday. NAMALT but many would put their needs first without a second thought.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 27/08/2021 13:44

As long as he is on top form to be woken up early by an excited DD and hides his hangover well I wouldn't mind at all. I'd appreciate the peace

I'm a single parent so do most things fir the DC on my own but I remember the first time one of my DC stayed at their dad's the night before his birthday (he was 2). It was hard. Remembering that only 2 years ago I was giving birth to him and not being able to be there when he woke up on his birthday.

AttaGirrrrl · 27/08/2021 13:48

Reverse? Please let it be a reverse…

YouMeandtheSpew · 27/08/2021 13:49

I don’t think YABU, I think your feelings are valid. Personally I’d be a little bit sad, I see it a bit like decorating the tree for Christmas - a fun activity we do together.

That’s not to say anyone who wouldn’t be sad is wrong. People attach different levels of significance to things and that’s fine.

Johnnypiratesfriend · 27/08/2021 14:04

My dh offen works the night before. It used to bother, I can remember 1st child's baptism and me getting all if it done with my friend. While breastfeeding on demand. I have to admit had a cry in the car with my friend telling me to breath and baby joining in the crying.
Since then and now having three children I'm much better and organised. I agree children are so excited the night before and I like to go over the top with decorations as with a busy household I like to make the day really special for them. (although I'm sure the kids would be happy just celebrating their birthdays). I make things special for them and we talk about the past e.g this time 7 years I go I was just having a bath and didn't know you were thinking about be born / this time daddy and were just getting the hospital. I couldn't wait to hold you in my arm let me give you a cuddle and see how much bigger you got.
I would enjoy the time with your child and make the house look like you want. You can make this time exactly how you want it without having to share lol. - it took me a long time to see the benefits.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/08/2021 14:07

Don't set the standard for him not to give celebrations a second thought he'll develop the she'll look after it attitude to these events.

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