Schedule Clash

[HeadphoneChoir]

Can I get your views on this?

Have a group of Uni friends, we all live in different places but stay in regular contact and see each other 2-3 every year for a weekend, sometimes involving partners / kids.

We haven’t seen each other for a while now for obvious reasons, so when opening up was announced we booked a weekend away, night out and an activity during the day. All now booked and paid for, hotels, trains and activities.

Another good friend has told me that she’s moved her wedding, that was postponed from March 2020, to the same weekend. They’re only having a small ceremony (I think just family) but then a reception/party in the early evening, that we’re invited to. I obviously want to go but I’ve also been really looking forward to the weekend away and that was booked in first. I did also mention that I was away that weekend when she was looking at alternative dates.

I don’t want to let anyone down and I think not attending the wedding will be seen as a snub. I’m really confused about what to do! Any advice?

If it was just a “throwaway” weekend, I’d reconsider but you’ve booked hotels, trains and activities now so that would take my first priority. It really depends how close you are to the person. I wouldn’t be worrying at all about it being seen as a snub, but depending on my relationship with them would depend on which event I would attend. Close family or best friend, id just lose out on the money if I’m honest.

I wouldn't give up a booked and paid for holiday to go to a wedding reception tbh.

You did tell her when you wouldn't be able to go so she can't expect you to cancel your other plans . By the sound of it you have already paid out quite a bit anyway

Don’t attend the wedding, as you told her you were busy that weekend. Always do the thing you said you’d do first

Go on your weekend away. If I was invited to a full wedding I might reconsider, but not for a party.

I'd miss the wedding.
It's not like you're invited to the full event - it's just a 'do' really.

It shouldn't be seen as a snub. A good friend will have to understand! Clashes happen and it's not hard to make a choice when costs have been incurred or one event is clearly already locked in the diary.

Can you do something nice with the bride and groom at a later date - take them out for a meal by way of celebration?

I think it’s fine to miss the wedding. It’s only the reception anyway, as much as she might want you there. I think there will be a lot of people with rescheduled weddings who find not all their guests can make it due to other events etc. Save the dates are not as far in advance at the moment and there are a lot of people catching up on weddings/holidays/birthdays etc so it’s not typical.

I have been invited to 3 weddings within an 8 week period next spring!

You're not invited to the wedding, only the party in the evening, so you're not going to "miss" the ceremony.
I'd stick to my arrangements with my other friends as everything is booked etc.
It's unfortunate timing, but you can't let 2 good friends down.

Thanks all. My inclination is to go the weekend away and send my apologies, and a gift. I’ve looked into doing both (doing the daytime stuff on the weekend away, then jumping on the train back in the early evening - it’s about 90 mins away - and going straight to the wedding party) but the logistics just don’t work and would lose money.

I'd not cancel a weekend away just for a party in the evening. You're not invited to the actual wedding - and even if you had been, the weekend was booked first.

I've missed a couple of weddings because I was away at the time. Can't be helped. Murphy's law says that if you have no plans for a year and then you do have plans, you will have a clash :(

The weekend away is booked and paid for you - you'll piss everyone off if you cancel.

Just send your friend a gift and move on.

You told your friend you're busy that weekend. She's arranged her wedding then anyway. Why would she see it as a snub when you tell her you can't go?