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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think I might have over-reacted slightly.

39 replies

jmpuddleduck · 01/12/2007 22:50

Been having a tough time with dh, but both trying to work things out, but tonight as we were leaving a friends house dh was standing in the porch whilst I was dressing ds2 and dd2 to go outside and he felt it necessary to comment to our hostess that she must be cold she said oh yes, he he he I must put a sweater on, I promptly over-reacted and said out loud that if would be more helpful if he could help with the children instead of commenting on the state of nipples.I know I'm probablly being unreasonable .

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 19/01/2008 01:06

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 19/01/2008 01:08

Message withdrawn

loopylou6 · 19/01/2008 10:19

SLTF lolol do we have the same husband? thats my dh's excuse, JPD no yanbu, i'd of kicked his arse all the way home and refused to speak to him for weeks

OverMyDeadBody · 19/01/2008 10:29

I can totally understand why you over-reacted, it's no mean feat getting kids ready to go out in this weather. BUT why didn't you just hand him one of the DC's coat and shoes at the start, while you got the other DC ready? Men, more often than not, need to be told what to do.

OverMyDeadBody · 19/01/2008 10:31

Interesting motherfunk, if I was the other woman I would have said something like "aren't you going to help get your kids ready?" or I would have been helping myself.

loopylou6 · 19/01/2008 10:46

completely agree with OMDB

lucyellensmum · 19/01/2008 11:24

it would , for me,depend on the friend, but i wouldn't have a problem with this if most of my friends had this conversation with DP. But if i were as stressed as you were then i would have still reacted in the same way.

One day, my DP, out of the blue, made a comment to my friend that basically meant, nice tits!! It was a fruedian mistake, we were in hysterics - you had to be there really.

trouble is, your friend could be totally innocent bystander, but if you were obviously stressed, she should have offered to help, well, that was your DH job. My BIL does this to SIL, gets impatient when SHE hasnt got the two children ready to leave!!

loopylou6 · 19/01/2008 11:54

see the main issue for me would be that he was looking at this other womans tits, of course any man is gonna cop an eye full, but to actually say something about it is very rude in my opinion

wantslotsofbabies · 19/01/2008 18:11

If the shoe was on the other foot and you commented on someones crotch while your dh was struggling with the bairn's coats....
Oh well,maybe he wont be seeing your nips for a while till he learns to be more diplomatic and helpful.

bohemianbint · 19/01/2008 18:15

I think if my DP made such a crass comment about one of my friends (ok, it's not the worst - but not only was he ogling her he was commenting on it as well. Was he flirting?) he'd be in big trouble.

TheLadyEvenStar · 19/01/2008 18:50

I was talking to my do about this and he as a man says the OP was not over reacting....he personally wouldn't make such a comment nor would he leave me to sort the kids out to go home....

I dunno maybe I am wrong but I don't think the op over reacted.

nickij · 19/01/2008 19:22

IMO I don't think the OP overreacted either - not only wasn't her oh helping with the dc but it also sounds like her oh and her friend were flirting. I don't think the op needs to apologise to anyone - her oh should be apologising.

skidoodle · 19/01/2008 19:39

As far as I can see you and your DH both behaved rudely, there were 4 rude comments and each was worse than the last:

  1. commenting on your hostess's nipples being erect is crass even if she didn't have the good grace to be embarrassed about it.
  1. You were well within your rights to mention to your DH that making comments about a woman's nipples while you were getting your children ready is the behaviour of a louse. However, you really shouldn't have snapped in front of your hostess. I think MotherFunk is quite right about that - it just draws attention to your husbands poor behaviour in front of an innocent bystander. Also, you're right that when she offered to help you shouldn't have rudely refused. IMO the gracious thing to do would be to ring her and apologise, I'm sure she'll understand but she may well now be feeling embarrassed at having hurt your feelings and that's not fair as none of it was her fault.
  1. the bit I'm most is your husband's reaction to what you said. He said "what the fuck is wrong with you?"??? Your comment could easily (and should) have been laughed off as a cranky joke made by someone who was doing the work while the others joked around. Your reaction was kind of rude but it in no way justifies your husband swearing at you in public. Honestly, he was out of order, you called him on it (when perhaps you shouldn't, but still) and he thinks it's OK to speak to you like that? His behaviour through the whole episode is appalling and shows no respect for you whatsoever. I would be having serious words with him once I got off the phone from apologising to my friend.
sherby · 19/01/2008 19:46

I can't believe this thread. So the op is running around trying to get the children in the car whilst her DH makes comments about the hosts nipples (who actually does this, does he have no idea how fucking rude that is) and people are saying she was rude for getting arsey with him.

What was she supposed to do, carry on doing everything whilst he was being a pig?

No YANBU and as for the 'what the fucks wrong with you' words bloody fail me

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