To wonder why I’m being ghosted

[Moonwatcher1234]

Long story short…met a mum friend almost 10 years ago and got on immediately. Became so close and our kids were also friends. There was some tension between our eldest as hers had some behavioural issues and could be rude and aggressive with mine but I never made an issue of it and we carried on seeing each other on holidays and things. The last time they were at ours two years ago, her eldest was out of control…damaging things and hitting everybody. Her DH and her ended up having a big shouting match in front of us about how to deal with it and it was awkward. I never mentioned it again either to her definitely not to our mutual friends.

This was about 2 years ago and I noticed a slow drifting away on her part. I’ve now had another baby and she sent one congrats text and nothing else since. I’ve called and WhatsApped to no avail. I think she may be embarrassed about what happened. Should I just accept it and block her as it is quite painful to see her name in my WhatsApp or persist?

Maybe because neither of you ever mentioned the elephant in the room, it is now a bit awkward?

I would try one last, I miss you and would love to see you text and then accept it if she doesn't want to meet up, sad as it is.

You're not being ghosted. It's not about you.

@ManifestDestinee

You're not being ghosted. It's not about you.

Hmmm, I get where you’re coming from as clearly there are problems within the family. I think that’s the best way to look at this and move on with my life now. I think I have spent too much time feeling sad over it.

I would say she was embarrassed and it was never dealt with at the time so now she feels awkward

It sounds like she has a lot on her plate and didn't want to discuss it but it all came out and she's probably a combination of embarrassed about her child, humiliated about arguing with her husband in front of someone else and busy with whatever the issue and knock on effects are.

Don't take it to heart too much, some people are very private and don't really cope with others knowing any of their business.

@ManifestDestinee

You're not being ghosted. It's not about you.

I agree with this

It really isn’t about you, this woman clearly has a lot on her plate that you aren’t a priority in the same way that she is to you, headspace wise

She's clearly got issues at home why not reach out?

I don't think you're being ghosted, I think she has a lot going on at home and doesn't have time to maintain friendships - especially in this scenario.

I don't think you're being ghosted either, I just think it needed to be talked about, and maybe still does. Could you gently try and reconnect and raise this incident? Just so she knows that you were ok with it. If you try then and receive nothing back then perhaps it is time to let her go.

@KingdomScrolls

She's clearly got issues at home why not reach out?

Thank you…I am trying and have sent a couple of messages and email. I don’t want to overstep the mark and knock on her door in case she is just embarrassed and would rather not be reminded of what happened. But it is hard because she has been with me through the birth of my other kids ( not literally but there after the births helping me clean and cook etc) she even helped me move house and once said we were sisters who helped each other because both of our families lived on the other side of London. I want to do the right thing but just get the sense she would rather cut off contact now.

Thanks also everyone for the insights..it is weirdly cathartic for complete strangers to put this into perspective.

Yes I agree I think it's because you never mentioned it again, she doesn't know what to do.

Turn it round, your child behaved like that, other friend stays silent on it. You assuming she's judging? Telling people? How would you feel.

Some of my mum friends might not mention it again but my best friend, oldest friend would be like, right. You are doing your best, it's fine, all kids have moments, do you need any help, can I do anything for you, etc.

I would try again it sounds like you miss her and likely she misses you.

@bookh

Yes I agree I think it's because you never mentioned it again, she doesn't know what to do.

Turn it round, your child behaved like that, other friend stays silent on it. You assuming she's judging? Telling people? How would you feel.

Some of my mum friends might not mention it again but my best friend, oldest friend would be like, right. You are doing your best, it's fine, all kids have moments, do you need any help, can I do anything for you, etc.

I would try again it sounds like you miss her and likely she misses you.

Food for thought…thank you. Tbh, it was so out of the blue and extreme with the shouting when they are normally so mild mannered that I didn’t know what to do and thought I would be discreet and say nothing. Probably wrong though and I should have just tackled it head on and reassured her I would never gossip and mention it to our other mum friends from the same nursery.

Fwiw, I have not said a word and our mutual friends have also said she barely contacts them anymore. I don’t know if that’s because she wanders if I mentioned it to them. I have messaged her today asking to speak and meet and that I miss her. She checked her messages and didn’t reply. I’ll leave things be and have also learnt something about not shying away from difficult conversations with people you care about.

You can archive her on WhatsApp so you don’t see her, without blocking her.

Thanks all…she actually finally responded this afternoon and it was very polite…too polite and unlike our usual direct chat. She said she had been busy and would let me know if ever free to meet. For me, that’s quite unambiguous and she isn’t really interested. But at least I know she’s okay and I will just step back now. Thank you

Strange that she responded after you posted this.

I wonder if she's on MN!

@icedcoffees

Strange that she responded after you posted this.

I wonder if she's on MN!

I had the exact same thought! Oh well, I asked with the best if intentions and glad i did as it was starting to get me down.