To be offended/to say something?

[Mumoblue]

Hi MN, me and ex split almost a year ago when our son was still small. Ex lives with his mum and stepdad. His dad and stepmum haven’t been able to get over here because of COVID until now. They’re over this week and they met the baby for the first time, which was sprung on me less than two hours before by my ex that they would be turning up at my house! But still, I very much wanted to go along to get along, so I didn’t make much fuss.

While the visit was relatively painless, my ex’s stepmother made two separate comments about how DS “doesn’t look like a [their last name]”. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but in retrospect I remember how she has always gossiped about the paternity of one of my nieces in ex’s side (who’s parents are also not together).

Now, if there was any chance at all that DS wasn’t my ex’s I would have absolutely leapt for joy- but there isn’t. Unfortunately his dad is his dad.

I’m seeing them again today and tomorrow, WIBU if I said something if she makes another comment? What does one even say to that? Am I reading too much into the comments?

You say nothing in response to their comment. If they keep saying it, just reply, “Really? That’s interesting.” and change the subject.

I'd just say I know, I was so relieved when he was born
Your ex knows he's the father, you know he's the father and as your son grows up he will know who his father is.
A step grandmothers opinion he won't see very often just doesn't matter.

Nasty piece of work she is! What did your ex say to these comments?

I wouldn't rise to it. Either is just a passing comment, in which case you will look overly defensive, or they're trying to wind you up, in which case it's best not to give them the satisfaction of showing that they've got to you.

Or wind them up and say, “On the other hand, he’s the spitting image of the milkman”.

She is being a cow. Our DD looks nothing like me or DH.
IMO, the mother wants some sort of relationship with your DC or she wouldn’t be coming back.
If she says anything else along those lines,I would be inclined to point out that they don’t have to visit.

I'd say he looks like himself and he's beautiful or thank fuck for that depending on my mood.
Are you likely to be seeing much of them in future?

Why the need to see these awful people?

Ignore it. She's looking for a reaction , don't let her have one.
Can't you meet them at the park instead?

@RainbowBriteUk Ex didn’t say anything, but he was talking to his dad so I’m unsure if he heard.

The weird thing is my ex MIL, ex’s actual mother, is always saying how DS looks exactly like ex did as a baby! Stepmum wasn’t specific in her comments but she asked me how come “his hair is so light”. It’s light brown. Me and ex have dark brown hair, but I was almost blonde as a kid and told her as much.

You should say really? You should talk to exs mum, she always tells me how much X looks like ex did as a baby.

I'd be tempted to add they do change a lot as they grow, maybe you can't see it because you only came along later.

Maybe just think that last bit 😁

My MIL was the same. My son looked just like my side of the family when little. He looks very much like his dad now he’s older and I feel very smug when MIL mentions it

Or go with "yes, we were so relieved that ds seems to have escaped the xyz genes"