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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this upset / offend you?

26 replies

crackingday · 25/08/2021 19:11

If your parent only comes to visit you if you have your dd there? Phones tonight and because dd at a party she didn't want to come

OP posts:
Buzzer3555 · 25/08/2021 19:12

Sounds like the sort of thing my late mother would do.

Tal45 · 25/08/2021 19:13

Mine doesn't visit me at all (admittedly she lives a few hours away). She doesn't phone me either unless she wants something.

Lostmarbles2021 · 25/08/2021 19:14

Sounds like my MIL. Avoids spending time with DH. Could you talk to her about it?

Elkey · 25/08/2021 19:17

Depends. If she only visits occasionally, it makes sense to do so when she can see you both.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 25/08/2021 19:28

Wouldn't bother me, since I've had DD everyone visits to see her, nobody bothers with us anymore😂 it's a running joke in our family and if DD is ever sleeping out and someone plans on coming to ours, I give them a warning that she won't be here!

Looubylou · 25/08/2021 19:30

Yes pretty standard - I just accepted I was no longer a person of interest, once I became a mother.

ajja2021 · 25/08/2021 19:35

Yeah my mum had become like that, rarely wants to spend any time around me unless DS's are present

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 19:35

No, I completely understand that my daughter is of more interest to my parents these days, they've had 40 years of me! I hope this doesn't sound really wanky bit it depends on how secure you are in your relationship with your parents, I think. I'm confident my parents still live me very much so it wouldn't bother me. However, if I wasn't so fortunate I can imagine how it might hurt a bit.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 25/08/2021 19:40

Mine lives less than a mile away, drives, is fit healthy and in her mid 60's. She demanded suggested I bought a house in same village so she could help with childcare and yet in the 2 years I have lived her she has probably been in my house 4 times and at least 1 of those was because dd had forgotten her activity kit.

She is only interested in dd, she doesn't give a toss about me. And she makes it very obvious. I have given up being upset. It's not worth the time and heart ache. She wants dd and to appear the perfect grandma so I let her play that role so I can work. It is in my interest to ignore her BS and let her play her game.

Frazzledmummy123 · 25/08/2021 19:42

I think it is a generational thing. Is your mum an old school type? My mum does this and it used to bother me but now after I spoke with some friends, it seems it is a common thing and once grandchildren come along, we are almost redundant Smile

Confused102 · 25/08/2021 19:45

I wouldn't be upset. I'm not sure we would have much to talk about, and my dc keeps things going.

ThirdElephant · 25/08/2021 19:46

Wouldn't bother me tbh. People love kids.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/08/2021 19:51

I don’t know. Ask her why? Her answer will either be reasonable or upsetting.

It could be that she doesn’t want DD to feel bad for missing her visit. Or it could be that you are nothing to her and she’s only interested in her granddaughter. Or something else.

You need to ask why otherwise this will bother you and your mind will go in circles.

ufucoffee · 25/08/2021 19:55

Wouldn't upset or offend me at all

bloodywhitecat · 25/08/2021 20:04

Mine doesn't visit me because I don't own my home.

Ughmaybenot · 25/08/2021 20:09

If she lived nearby and it was only ever going to be a ‘popping in’ type visit then yes I would be hurt by that. It’s so nice sometimes to just be mum and daughter away from littlies!
That being said, if it was a bit more of a jaunt for her, I can see why she would want to hold off until your daughter was there too.

Original poster
crackingday · 25/08/2021 20:12

It's not my mum it's mil, she never visited then had dd comes weekly but if dd and I are out she'll say no to partner to coming I think it's abit mean

OP posts:
tillytoodles1 · 25/08/2021 22:16

No. I only visit my son when he has my granddaughter there.

Bonheurdupasse · 26/08/2021 07:58

@tillytoodles1 Why?

Original poster
crackingday · 26/08/2021 13:44

I think it's awful, this isn't just a one off, she never comes unless dd is home

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 26/08/2021 13:53

My parents never come to see just me, they come to see the kids. They even message asking if they can come and see them. Doesn't bother me as we aren't the type of family that just see 1 parent at a time etc

tillytoodles1 · 26/08/2021 20:58

[quote Bonheurdupasse]@tillytoodles1 Why?[/quote]
My son and his wife work long hours, but we talk on the phone regularly. He has a daughter from his previous marriage and I go at the weekend to see her when he's not working.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/08/2021 21:13

But she's not your parent? Why would she visit to see you?

Original poster
crackingday · 27/08/2021 13:42

@Dishwashersaurous her son was home myself and dd were out she wouldn't come and see her son without dd there

OP posts:
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/08/2021 13:43

I can imagine my folks doing that. I’d be a bit peeved but not properly pissed off.

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