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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not work full time

80 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 25/08/2021 18:19

My third and youngest son starts school next week. That means I'll have one in reception, one in year five, one in year 8. The money would be nice...but I'll be back in the office three days, commuting to a major city, so two hours on my day each time. So will my husband and he's full time. No grandparent help. I think id get about 500 pounds each month extra which would be massively helpful...but then would I waste half of it on convenience meals, takeaways, find I need a cleaner because we're so rushed? Whereas the day off in the week would enable me to stay more organised? As ever it's time v money...what would you do?

OP posts:
cherish123 · 25/08/2021 21:14

Stay doing part-time. There's so much you can do in these 2 days- cook, housework, shop, relax so you are not too tired to help with homework.... You can also take on the load of evening lifts to clubs etc. If you both work full-time, you will have to share lifts etc, as well as both being shattered.

nanbread · 25/08/2021 21:15

Unless you NEED the money, I'd take the time.

You can drop off and pick up the kids

You can attend school events taking place on that day

You can have some time to yourself meaning you won't resent using the weekends on family time

cherish123 · 25/08/2021 21:16

The other thing I'd say is that, being a parent to teenagers is much busier than parenting younger children.

CaptainMerica · 25/08/2021 21:17

Is it possible to do extra hours a bit more flexibily?

When my youngest starts school in a year I am planning to work an extra 5 or 6 hours per week as overtime in term time where work allows, but stick to my 30 hours per week in school holidays.

I am incredibly lucky to have the sort of job where that is possible though.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 25/08/2021 21:24

Planning to condense my full hours into three long days a week and alternate them so one week the start of the week and the next week the latter end so I get every other weekend off.

Yes il work three late nights but dh works permanent nights so Hel be here when dc are home from school them days and then the other four days I'm home.

Mine are early teens and later teens now but condensing to three days means I actually get time to start doing things for myself on my days off as well as actually seeing my dh instead of ships passing In the night.

We literally run around and work and pass each other all week. I always work a Saturday so the only day we are off together is a Sunday and so we end up doing loads of things like tip runs,decorating,garden stuff,food shop all on that day and it's hell.

I absolutely hate it.

It's a constant whirlwind of organising pick ups drop offs and life.

Lockdown has taught me I need better life balance in our home and time to just sit and chat and be around each other.

There's no way I'm worki g and loving like this right upto retirement.

Op I spent my kids younger years working flat out not for the money but for the career and it dawned on me recently I'm no better off in many ways than I would have been had I taken it easier.

I definitely would have got more time with my dc.

They grow up so quickly

And those saying about pensions etc etc

Too much is out onto that when not enough is thoight about the present we live in

TheGirlWhoWantedToBeGod · 25/08/2021 21:32

When my youngest child started school I considered increasing my working days from four up to five.

But in the end I decided against it, mainly as I couldn’t bear to lose the one day I had to myself! Especially as my kids get older - aged 6 and 9 now - their bedtimes get later and later and so I don't have much evening time to myself. So I see my day off in the week as ‘compensation’ for this!

I was also wary of increasing back up to full time as I felt there would be no way back if it didn’t work out. It would’ve looked odd to decrease my hours back down to four days per week.

DarkDarkNight · 25/08/2021 21:32

I would choose time. I went back to FT two years ago and hate it. I’m permaknackered, I feel like I do nothing during the week but run around like an idiot and prepare for work the next day.

The annual leave is rubbish so I have hardly any time with my child during school holidays and feel so guilty.

Di11y · 25/08/2021 21:43

I'm similar where my youngest is starting school in September. I'm not going to rush to FT and make a decision for January to give youngest a chance to settle in and have all those starting school bugs

JudesBiggestFan · 25/08/2021 21:48

This is really helping me decide. Thank you. My youngest was only 4 in August and he's such a joy. My nearly teen requires endless lifts and late night chats and my middle one has so many sports. Then all the play dates...I would just be on an endless treadmill. The extra money would be lovely but we don't need it as such...we can look again in a couple of years.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 25/08/2021 21:52

If you can afford it absolutely go part time. Life is too short and there's no law to say you have to work full-time. There's more to life than money and you can 'protect yourself' by looking after your mental health and physical health by not stressing yourself out. Only you know what's best for you.

Muststopeating · 25/08/2021 21:54

You work to live. You don't live to work.

How much difference would the money make?

How much difference would the time make?

But ultimately, unless you love your job or desperately need the money I would always choose time. You've managed 12 years without it

Puffalicious · 25/08/2021 22:01

Like PP I definitely think time not money- every, single time.

Both DH and I are 4 days and it's the best balance. I couldn't keep going with 3 DC (one with ASN), a demanding job, house to sort and clubs. My day off is tomorrow and I'm so deeply happy every Wed night. Time for admin/ house bits/ pop to shops and ME time (my book in the hammock- bliss). It's essential for my mental health. You won't regret it.

Puffalicious · 25/08/2021 22:03

My boss approached me this week to offer a very exciting opportunity to go full-time. With regret I said no straight away: no opportunity is so good to take away my thinking time and space.

TheOneWithTwoParties · 25/08/2021 22:06

I wouldn’t rush into going back full time yet. You sound financially in a good position currently so you can afford to see how it goes. You might decide after 6 months or a year that actually you want a change. Or you might find that it’s working well for you.

Awalkintime · 25/08/2021 22:16

The kids should be helping with the cleaning they are more than capable to have a set of chores each to contribute daily and weekly to the household clean.

Vbree · 25/08/2021 22:28

I work full time, I have 1 child but don't find it particularly stressful or tiring . We have a cleaner which really helps but no family nearby.

Auntycorruption · 25/08/2021 23:08

@Mustfly

This is really helping me decide. Thank you. My youngest was only 4 in August and he's such a joy. My nearly teen requires endless lifts and late night chats and my middle one has so many sports. Then all the play dates...I would just be on an endless treadmill. The extra money would be lovely but we don't need it as such...we can look again in a couple of years.
Don't push yourself for something the family doesn't need (money) when what they really need is YOU
BatBoo · 26/08/2021 07:46

I'm having a similar dilemma. I currently work 3 days and thinking of going to 4 as my youngest is about to get her 30 funded hours. She loves nursery so is happy to go an extra day. I could actually go full time on 4 days as everyone now works compressed hours - 4 longer days and some weekend shifts to average 40 hours. It was a business move to give everyone a more meaningful rest. I do have to work weekends now but not as many as a full timer. It's so difficult to decide. The mum guilt is always there no matter what you do!

PopcornMuncher · 26/08/2021 07:51

I wouldn't work full time if i didn't need the money and my DC are all grown up

LuaDipa · 26/08/2021 08:03

I would always choose time, particularly when you have kids.

spooney21 · 26/08/2021 08:16

If you can afford it then I would work part time. Is there an option of days 4 days but wfh one of them?

Workyticket · 26/08/2021 08:20

I work 4 days and only have 1 ds.

I like that I can do drop off and pick up one day and that we can invite his pals for tea that night if he wants to - ds is 9.

Dh has hinted at me going back the 5th day but I earn in 4 days what he earns in 5 so I put equal cash into the family pot. We're not skint and while the extra money would be helpful we'd probably waste it.

We could probably afford for him to go 4 days but he's not fussed so I'll crack on with my 4 days.

hellcatspangle · 26/08/2021 08:21

I've never worked full time and I don't regret it. Having time off in the week to catch up with everything was a godsend when the dc were younger, and I used to finish in time to pick them up every day which was even better. It meant we didn't have to spend the weekends playing catch up.

Ccoffee217 · 26/08/2021 08:23

I’m 31 with one 20 month old DS, I work 3 days a week and still find it hard to “manage” the house and work. Sometimes it feels like life is a bit of a mission. I’m not sure if this is where DS is very hard work, as is my job (which I end up working evenings to get through the volume of emails I receive) but I always have this mindset of “just get through this phase and then it’ll be okay” but it feels like with my DS and my job it’s just one difficult phase to the next! God I sound depressing.. can anyone relate?

OP I would see how you get on with not working for a bit. Maybe try and make a bit of spare cash in other ways and if you decide you do want to work, go for it.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 26/08/2021 08:23

I work full time and manage it because DH doesn't work and handles most of the childcare, and because I can work fully remotely. I'm still knackered.

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