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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a child that naps makes going out hard

33 replies

modernlifestrife · 25/08/2021 13:21

I prefer to time long journeys with when littlest DC tired. Family members don't seem to understand that a napping child is preferable that a screaming, moaning, bored one whilst you're trying to navigate the motorway. Older children no prob, can watch their screens. So I guess I'm just in a rage that I've made plans to travel over the lunchtime nap period today and now they've moved the goalposts and can't understand why I can't cope. Apparently I'm inflexible. Maybe IABU but having a child under 2, plus older ones is a balancing act.

OP posts:
Original poster
modernlifestrife · 25/08/2021 13:24

Btw my Youngest DC will scream "get out" the whole way somewhere, even with songs on. I've tried putting Peppa on but too little to concentrate on it and just presses buttons randomly or drops it.

OP posts:
modgepodge · 25/08/2021 13:30

It is a pain having a child who naps. But if they are nearly 2 you possibly don’t have much longer of naps left. My 2.5 year old hasn’t napped really for about 6 months and it does make life easier. I did try to time things around her nap.

Can you just go to the event and accept you can’t stay long - when they start kicking off explain that it’s because it’s nap time and maybe whoever you’re seeing will understand better for next time?

modgepodge · 25/08/2021 13:32

Oh I see the nap was supposed to be in the car so my plan doesn’t work…sorry no suggestion other than travel when you planned to and either spend less time wherever you were going or find something to do before meeting them?

RedHelenB · 25/08/2021 13:33

Mine just used to drop to sleep in the car whatever time if it was a longish journey. I've never stuck to a routine though kids napped as and when they were tired.

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 25/08/2021 13:34

It's only a short period of time when their napping is a pain so I think your family should be more understanding.

piglet81 · 25/08/2021 13:35

That sounds frustrating, especially when you’re at the mercy of other people changing plans. Hopefully it will be easier when dc gives up napping.

minipie · 25/08/2021 13:35

Try one of those things that straps the tablet to the back of the headrest?

I agree though that it is much easier to time journeys with nap time

Neverrains · 25/08/2021 13:35

@RedHelenB

Mine just used to drop to sleep in the car whatever time if it was a longish journey. I've never stuck to a routine though kids napped as and when they were tired.
Lucky you Grin.

I understand OP. However much I tried to get mine to be ‘flexible’, they just didn’t get the memo. They would only nap in the car if it was their normal nap time, and wouldn’t nap in the pushchair etc.
It won’t last forever though.

PunchyAnts · 25/08/2021 13:37

I feel for you, OP. We definitely prefer scheduling the day around the nap because a) daytime sleep is really important for wellbeing/development and b) if the toddler is happy, everyone else is happy. Family never don't always understand. I think you must forget as your children grow up how difficult an over-tired wee one can be. Hang in there!

Notimeforaname · 25/08/2021 13:39

Have a family member who still insists the 3 year old goes down for a nap with the 1 year old.

Making everybody wait.

If the 3 year old doesn't sleep for the first hour or two while baby is sleeping at lunchtime..then we must wait for them to fall asleep..having their nap and to wake up naturally. Meaning its sometime 4 or 5pm when being able to leave as the nap trying started at 12.

It's crazy to expect others to work around this every single time you get together.

Bunnycat101 · 25/08/2021 13:39

It is much easier to travel with toddlers when they are asleep so I agree. How did they change the goalposts? If we miss the post lunch slot then we’ll generally travel after dinner and get the children ready in pjs so they can sleep in the car.

Notimeforaname · 25/08/2021 13:40

In your case op they moved plans again so I do feel for you here. You tried.

shouldistop · 25/08/2021 13:43

Yanbu

FinallyHere · 25/08/2021 13:46

I hear you.

DH used to say that DGC (my steps) should just fit in with whatever was happening, just as his DC used to do.

After a couple of years experiencing the difference between my family's events which are always planned first with DGC's needs in mind, where everything is calm and the little ones play nicely, and the circus which is his family's events, he is now firmly in the plan it around DGC camp

I'm only sorry you can't demonstrate the difference in your family, where they seem to be blaming you for having DC at a particular stage in life. Not helpful, is it.

isthisareverse · 25/08/2021 13:47

To be honest, I tried to do long journey at night when the kids were little, so I sympathise.

Why can't you still travel though? If you arrive earlier, couldn't you stop in a playground or something?

isthisareverse · 25/08/2021 13:48

It always work better for your own sanity if you do your own things, and join others when it suits you. Much better than trying to get them to fit your own schedule - just warn them in advance.

Laserbird16 · 25/08/2021 13:49

Yes, it is inconvenient but it's inconsiderate of your family to expect you to be flexible. I'd just stick to the plan and travel when you meant to or say you can't go.

Original poster
modernlifestrife · 25/08/2021 13:54

@RedHelenB

Mine just used to drop to sleep in the car whatever time if it was a longish journey. I've never stuck to a routine though kids napped as and when they were tired.
I must have the only 1 year old that can stay awake for the whole of 2 hour journey.

We don't have a set nap time, never have, but unless something really exciting is going on then Dc will want to sleep by 1pm at the latest after a 5am wake up😬 Very unlikely to nap again, solidly in the one nap a day bracket now.

I think I'm very flexible as many friends will only do naps at home or in the cot, mine will happily do car naps or pushchair naps ( although mainly will stay awake to be nosey.)

It's a tough one, when at home I love naps to get stuff done. But honestly I can't wait until they have a bit more stamina for a day out.

OP posts:
NormanStangerson · 25/08/2021 13:57

If I’m home I’ll stick to the schedule of a nap at midday. If I’m out, my baby will just sleep as and when, either in the car or pushchair so we can still be flexible. I feel very lucky that we’ve got that down pat and it doesn’t fuck up night sleep.

I think you can’t really expect others to work around your child, it isn’t the centre of the universe, but equally they shouldn’t get upset if you don’t feel you can join in until later.

billy1966 · 25/08/2021 13:58

The are being completely unreasonable.

My eldest was like that.
Journeys were military operations to go anywhere.

I remember one journey where at two he just screeched solidly for tge last 30 minutes.

We were both ready for a cry when we arrived.

I had to keep reminding husband to slow down.

Unbelievably stressful.

Don't justify it, just tell them it won't work.

It definitely will improve a bit🤞

Original poster
modernlifestrife · 25/08/2021 13:59

@minipie

Try one of those things that straps the tablet to the back of the headrest?

I agree though that it is much easier to time journeys with nap time

@minipie Houdini will slip out of her harness and try to reach forwards when I've tried to put it on the headrest. I've tried altering the seat up and down, but she still manages to get out and try to reach. She does actually understand "put your belt back on", but can't get it on again. To be fair she has the attention span of about 10 seconds anyway and I have no idea why she doesn't like Peppa pig, I must have a faulty toddler 😂
OP posts:
MrsFin · 25/08/2021 14:06

@RedHelenB

Mine just used to drop to sleep in the car whatever time if it was a longish journey. I've never stuck to a routine though kids napped as and when they were tired.

Same.

Religiously timing naps doesn't do anyone any favours. Go early. The child will probably fall asleep anyway.

SarahBop · 25/08/2021 14:10

Sorry I am probably being dense, I don't really understand what it is you're airing... You said family members don't seem to understand a napping child is better....but then later mentioned your LO doesn't nap?

I took it to mean that your child will only nap indoors, in the cot, but you've then said that isn't the case...sorry for being confused.

My youngest was a BAD traveller, awful. Never slept, would scream blue murder/overtired...I would be so stressed, I don't know how I didn't crash the car on purpose

TakeYourFinalPosition · 25/08/2021 14:17

@minipie They are REALLY dangerous. Our local police force posted a warning about them yesterday, there was a crash recently and it slipped down and suffocated the child. Horrendous.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 25/08/2021 14:17

@minipie I just had a total brain fail and thought you were talking about the things that go around kids heads.

Sorry BlushBlush

Clearly that news piece had an impact on me!

Apologies again.