Worried about nc pils diving on us at social event.

[Brighterblighter]

I'm going to a social event in October that they also usually attend.
Every single time in the past with or without dh I've always approached them, tried to be friendly... And they have treated me /us very coldly sort of walking away with a "we have to get to our seats after the briefest most awkward chat ".. No mention of meeting up at any point etc, very much arms length.

They never wanted us to meet their friends (or even family friends dh knew) when we were in contact it was literally lunches at their house on their terms with dc.

Anyway after a whole host of on going issues and covid we just went low contact and I'd be happy to never see them again.

I'm worried however about them pouncing on us at this event especially as dd is coming with us for the first time.
Fil is madly pushy... I don't want to them ruining our evening but not sure what to do if they grab us.
Because dd is with us I'm sure this time, after all those years of not escaping us quickly enough.. They will try and hang around or arrange to meet up.

I don't want to feel bad this is an expensive event and a very rare night out. Any ideas!

Google grey rock technique, Be polite but do not get involved in discussions. Make sure you have thought about positioning so you can get away if you need to. If you still want limited contact just push any request out into the longer term…we are busy right now but we will come back to you etc,

Go in disguise?

I'd turn up as late as decently possible and go straight to my seat and be ready to firmly parrot back their own words... "you must be keen to get to your seats" and not engage any further, if you are NC then there's no need at all for chit chat or conversation

I also don't understand why you keep setting yourself up for rejections.... just ignore/grey rock treat them as you would a stranger.

Sale I was going to say, aside from going in disguise which would actually be great fun.

Laurie if this was me alone, I'd definitely say that and walk on. But I'm not going to be able too because dh will be awkward and embarrassed, they will probably dive on dd.. Etc... Then watch us and try and dive on us later etc.

I like the, you /we need to go to our seats though...

Or stand and smile and move on as quickly as possible.

Brain thanks for, also good idea... Push idea out... Dh in the past hardly spoke it was always me feeling awkward trying to speak... To bridge the gap so I'll have to not do that..

Sorry if this comes across as rude, but why are you worried they’ll ‘pounce’ on you given that you’re the one that’s done all the running in the past and they’ve, essentially, shrugged you off?

I’m a bit confused - you say they walk away from you when you see them, so why would they do the opposite now?

In the past when we were in normal ish contact it was always on thier terms.
So they didn't want to talk to me /dh or our /my friends when they were out with theirs at this event or anywhere.

It was always seeing them on thier terms at their house.

They will definitely pounce now because we are with dd, they are not interested in us at all but want to get at dd and also because we are now nc.

What is the social event you will both be going to? If you’re that worried, why go?

Why be polite?

Blow them off as rudely and as ruthlessly as they have done.

How it's because its fun and I don't want to not go.

Billy if it was just me I would be curt obviously dd there...

It doesn’t really sound like it’ll be fun at all if there’s this much angst already about seeing the in laws and maybe, maybe not having to speak to them.
All you can really do is settle on a stock phrase or response with your husband which you will use when/if the in laws approach, so you’re both on the same page, and just be prepared for a potentially awkward, uncomfortable evening.

So what if your daughter is there.

They have been rude and dismissive many times to you.

Tell your daughter the truth.
They are NOT nice people so that is why I no longer wish to speak to them.

Stand up for yourself and tell her why.

I know Billy, thanks.
It's the optics of Mil.
Who thinks she's mother Theresa then me, after years of being polite being rude in front of dd she will think I'm being cruel..

Then prep your daughter, so she is not surprised.

Don't be bullied.

Explain to your daughter that she has been very rude many times to mummy and daddy when they tried to speak, but she may now want to speak to because you are with us. We do not want to speak to her either now.
Say adult relationships are complicated and you just want to explain that you are not going to be bullied by her.

Don't be bullied.

just be polite and move on.

I don't know any of the background on this but the drama seems to be coming from your side, not theirs, with the endless chasing and wanting attention, now the focusing on how this will affect the attention they give you. being NC should be about opting out of the drama cycle. It means not obsessing over things, and if anyone tries to drag you in you just do the minimum level politeness and move on.

Flowers I've not been chasing after them at all!

I'm am out of the drama cycle I'd love to for them to ignore us but fil won't... I just want to prepare myself so I'm not caught and dragged in and don't know what to say to get away!!