To want a chilled Christmas like last year!

[Karlee30]

Firstly apologies for the very premature post. I hadn't given Christmas a thought until today. My mother asked where/what we are doing for Christmas. Omg 😵‍💫

Up until last year I hadn't enjoyed Christmas for years. I felt too much pressure to keep everyone else happy - my family, in laws etc. I felt it overwhelming getting everything done, fitting all the fun stuff in leading up to the big day, work, kids school things! I found it stressful. On the day itself we'd spend half the day driving around visiting family to keep them happy. We'd come home too tired to watch any films or tv. Kids haven't had chance to look at anything. Then my mum expects us back again Boxing Day! After Christmas I'd think well that was a s**t Christmas. I sound awful I know. But I have a strained relationship with my family. I don't enjoy their company much at all. My in laws are a lot better but always wanted a Christmas Day just the 4 of us.

Last year due to covid I guess I loved Christmas. It was so chilled, I felt like we were going at our own pace. Leading up to Christmas we watched films, ate rubbish, we had time to bake! Every house on the street we live on out lights up which had never happened before. We would drive around looking for lights most nights. We spent Christmas Eve - Boxing Day fully at home. Covid was a great excuse for doing something I'd always wanted. It was amazing! Felt no pressure at all! I absolutely loved it and it was the best Christmas I'd had in years. I was so sad when it ended but so happy I enjoyed it compare to other years I've felt like Christmas was rubbish.

I appreciate Christmas last year was rubbish for many people who enjoy spending precious time with their families. Unfortunately it's not like that for us. We did visit them leading up to Christmas (tier 1, groups of 6).

But putting covid aside aibu to tell family we just want to spend it just the 4 of us again? I think both families would expect this own big happy Christmas after last year but I so desperately want a Christmas just the 4 of us again. No one in our families are alone or lonely. We are the only ones with kids though and I feel we are the ones doing all the travelling.

Thing is, our families are easily offended. Mil will be shitty and will likely just turn up at ours or something.. My mum will try guilt tripping me into going there. But I'm adamant that I want a Christmas at home!

Aibu? To add Dp is more than happy (probably more so than me) to stay at home. Dc are happy regardless of what we do but DS did tell he how much he loved being able to stay home and look at everything without rushing last year!

Again, apologies for premature post. My mhm seems to start mentioning Christmas going into September and it puts me into panic mode!

I'm no tough nut but (and I'm really sorry), I do roll my eyes at bit at these posts... Just do what you want to do!! Life is too damn short.

My in laws got over it and we've spent the last 12 years NOT driving round to suit the family. Our children have grown up with the Christmases we want as a family not what others want.

Grow a pair OP, sorry!!

We have pretty much this Christmas every year - just me, dh and kids. But I hope everyone can have the Christmas they choose this year.

Before we were married we were only too aware of friends who seemed to spend all of Christmas Day travelling to keep their relatives happy, and we just announced that we were always going to have that day on our own. We would see people in the week around Christmas. It's always worked well, and I'm perfectly happy that my son has followed in our footsteps.

We've made the decision to stay home too after last years covid Christmas. It was fab, relaxed, no traveling with small children etc. We will see family earlier on in December I think.

Tell people now so they have time to take offence and get over it long before Christmas actually happens.

We’ve had a family party between Christmas and new year before where we all get together but none of the pressure that comes from cooking etc. We just basically all bring random Christmas leftovers, it’s great. Kids play. Gives us something to do between Christmas and new year and means Christmas Eve/ Day/Boxing Day is really chilled

Yanbu. Ever since we had dc we spent it at home. There is no way I'm dragging my dc around from house to house to please everyone else. We invite family to pop in to ours over the day but find everyone does their own thing. My dc are little and I want to have traditions at home, play with all their toys and most of all we want to spend time with them not dragging them around ! Works well, family is understanding and come over if they want. I know so many people who needed the lockdown enforcement to get them to finally do what they want, and they aren't turning back.

@Dreamstate

As an Indian win my family we never celebrate Xmas, thank god! Over commercialised and designed to make people feel like crap and stressed out whilst spending far too much.

Just tell them no. Whats wrong with people sometimes

No, not at all. Christmas does not need to be anything like this!! Really hate how anti-Christmas and anti-family this site is, from reading these posts every single year it seems everybody hates Christmas because they are forced to spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds and their families are vicious trolls who force their way into their houses as soon as 24th December hits

Just do what's right for your family. If you all preferred it at home, tell them you'll see them boxing day or whenever

There is nothing wrong with anting to have a cosy Christmas and you just have to be firm about it when your MIL. She'll have no other choice than to accept, actually, so be polite but stand your ground. Visiting her the next day is fine and a good compromise. Send her a Christmas Smartshow 3d vid on Boxing day if she's so desperate to see you all.

In your shoes, I'd spend Christmas Eve and Day at home with your partner and kids, and then split the 26th between the grandparents.

OP its really liberating and for some people life changing when you stop constantly doing things to please others. Give it a try, you won't look back. I did all the running around for years before, during and after Christmas. Tried to make sure everyone's needs were met. Invariably I ended up absolutely exhausted and not enjoying the day but having to pretend it was all great etc. A few years ago I decided to just be honest and say no. A few family members were put out but they soon got over it. I really look forward to Christmas now as I largely do it on my terms and myself and those I choose to spend the day with enjoy it too.

Might a compromise be to have Christmas Eve and Day with no contact and a Zoom call with each set of GPs on Boxing Day to say thank you for presents?

Nothing wrong with putting your foot down now - otherwise you will be back to "normal" Christmases for the foreseeable future.

Saying that there is a good chance we'll be in some kind of lockdown by Christmas anyway, what with the Covid vaccines wearing off and the arrival of the new strain which gets around the existing vaccine. Even the experts admit that once the new strain that our existing vaccines don't combat is circulating widely, we'll effectively be back to March 2020. (If the vaccines can be "tweaked" then it may only take a few months, the big danger is the variant that means research is back at square one.)

its a day & that's it,24 hours. you have the right to do what you want to do,never mind anyone else, why people make such a ridiculous fuss over it,has always fascinated me,.myself i take the wife to a hotel for a meal & that's it,no fuss,completely relaxed,nothing to do,& then,before you know it,it's over,been doing it for 20years,tried once,never regretted

Just a thought. How would you feel about not seeing your own children on Christmas Day in the future when they have children. If the answer is, really trying honestly fine, then go ahead. nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail there.

I will never understand these parents who get so sad and irate about their kids not seeing them at Christmas, especially when said kids are married with families of their own.

Fortunately neither my parents or my ex ILs are like that. I do tend to spend Christmas at my parents’ because they don’t live locally, and we’ve all gone to my sister’s in the past. But I think my sister actually quite enjoyed their quiet Christmas last year and now all the kids are older they’re doing their own thing and so we can work things out differently if we want to.

When we lived close to my parents I always had ILs to stay because my eXH’s BIL insisted on always spending Christmas with his family so they were never invited to SIL’s. And my parents would come round to open some presents, have a drink etc but no-one ever felt the need to put their foot down over anything.

Conversely my mum has a friend who demanded that her children should stay with her on Christmas Eve so that she could see the GC open their presents on Christmas morning. Her DIL put her foot down and as far as I’m aware they’re fairly low contact now, but her DD was happy to go along with it, amongst other things she demanded, and it was instrumental in the breakdown of her marriage because her H had enough.

Now is there really anything to be achieved by being quite so demanding?

YANBU. Stay at home. Tell family you’ll visit on 27th or after.

If any relative was going to be alone then I’d invite them to yours, but if they’re not then go ahead the four of you.

We used to see both sets of family and travel all over the country - with a Boxing Day flight! - but we stopped the year before DS was born and I really recommend it. We have a lovely Christmas on our own terms, and now see family either side.

We always offer family the chance to come to us, and they’d be welcome, but we don’t travel on Christmas itself anymore- it’s just too tiring. Stand firm.

I stopped traipsing out every Christmas just after I had my 3rd child. It just became too much, having to go here there and everywhere on Christmas Eve, day and Boxing Day.

We stay at home now and only venture out if we want to, last year we visited the great-grandparents Christmas Eve morning and my parents Boxing Day only for an hour.

We spent majority of the time doing Christmas Eve activities and seeing the lights, ate Christmas dinner in our Christmas P.J’s and lazed about Boxing Day eating leftovers watching movies and a nice walk in the woods. Doing the same again this year ad I can’t wait!

I would just tell everyone now that you aren’t doing visits/ors this year and be very very firm. The kids want to stay home and actually enjoy Christmas so tell them that and ignore their protests, if they turn up on the day just don’t answer the door ha!

Karlee30 I also have DS2 with autism, and it’s precisely that reason why we spend every Christmas at home. He cannot cope with a houseful and all the chaos that brings. Hell, he can barely cope with getting dressed some days! He was born a few days before Christmas and that’s the first year we decided to stay home - much to SILs annoyance (she couldn’t grasp why I didn’t want to spend the day at theirs trying to establish bf a newborn in a tiny house you’d have to fight to get a seat in).

We now have a policy whereby if people want to drop in and see the DC and exchange presents, that’s absolutely fine. What we ask is they don’t all descend at once (too much for DS), and don’t judge him for still being in pj’s. There’s no stress, he can choose to stay in his room if he’s overwhelmed, and the big dinner isnt until 5 to give time for the excitement to wear off a bit.

YANBU it sounds lovely. I’d tell them you’re going out for christmas lunch to avoid them turning up too. And just don’t answer the door.

Pretty much everyone I speak to about a Christmas is saying they want a quiet one like last year. Yes, they missed seeing family and friends but the pressure was off and the day/whole Christmas period was relaxed and felt it was the way it should be. I’m inclined to agree with them.

@Grilledaubergines

Pretty much everyone I speak to about a Christmas is saying they want a quiet one like last year. Yes, they missed seeing family and friends but the pressure was off and the day/whole Christmas period was relaxed and felt it was the way it should be. I’m inclined to agree with them.

I am not surprised. I always found the movements on Christmas day baffling here. It must be so much stress!