Urgent help for an alcoholic?

[Hdieonfjc]

My friends close family member is an alcoholic, he also has other mental health issues, he lost his job a few months ago for repeatedly turning up drunk and now he has just been told he's getting evicted. He won't quit drinking.

My friend can't house him, she doesn't feel safe with him in the house, he has lost all other friends and family through his alcohol abuse and behaviour.

I think I already know the answer, he can't get help unless he wants to change, but my friend is desperate, she loves this family member very much and can't stand to see him homeless and hurting, he is so upset because he doesn't know what to do but truthfully no one thinks he will quit drinking. Is there any help she can get for him? Or anywhere she can signpost him?

Thank you

Maybe phone shelter & see if they can advise?
england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/coronavirus

Thank you

Not her problem. He could present to the local council as homeless, but unless he's getting support from the local drug and alcohol service, they won't accept him as vulnerable.

Trying to make his problems go away and solve them for him just supports him to drink more, anyhow. The best thing is to step away and he either sorts it himself (and alcoholics are very good at finding ways to continue drinking, including finding alternative accommodation when they have to) or he doesn't because he isn't ready to think about it yet.

He's upset because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions and doesn't want to stop drinking. He's likely crying for all the beers he might not be able to have in a warm, clean home with somebody else paying for and cleaning it, not for what he's done to her. He's mourning for the times when he coerced her and skipped off to the shop to get more beer, giggling at how stupid she was in falling for it yet again. He's mourning for the way he used to be able to terrify her into obeying his demands and the feeling of power it gave him.

If she can't handle the grim truth of the contempt with which he holds her in, perhaps the 'it won't help him to do this' will be enough to give her the strength to say NO.

Salvation Army - turn up at your local one and ask. He turns up, not the kind relations.

Your friend can't help him.
There is no helping an alcoholic.

Suggest to your friend that she goes to Al Anon. There will be details of where to find local meetings on their website.
She will get help and support there from people who have been through similar experiences.

He could try the local alcohol services. Turning Point in my area. If he shows that he is willing to engage with them he may be offered a place in inpatient rdhsb. Normally takes around 3 months in my area.

Rehab*

He'll have to stay in a shelter or street sleep unfortunately. I get your friend loves this person very much, it's tough but she can't help them when they won't help themselves.

I have experience with alcoholic family members.
I know that it sounds horrible, but unless her relative is willing to accept help and stop drinking, there is nothing anyone can do to help them.
He would need to engage in alcohol rehab. His GP would be a good starting point. Alcohol detox can be dangerous.

Thank you all for your replies. I will tell her your suggestions and get her to try them. She knows that she may have to see him on the street, it would just break her heart to do so

Salvation army is his best bet. It won't be nice and he'll be staying with people in a similar situation but he'll have a bed and a meal.
It is a horrible illness/disease even with the best intentions it is a hopeless result without professional help.
It seems he doesn't want help or isn't strong enough to try.

While the council are unlikely to offer any services (ie he is unlikely to qualify for their emergency housing) they do have a legal duty to signpost for support so it's still worth him presenting as homeless to the council (check online, it's usually a booked appointment)

Depending on what's considered his primary issue - alcohol or mental health issues - he may be able to get some form of shared supported housing or hostel accommodation. It would require him applying for benefits if he's not on any currently. Usually proof of benefits is required for admission as that's proof that he'd be entitled to a housing element of UC to pay the rent. The type of housing, esp if he's not interested in reducing his alcohol intake, is likely to be pretty grim to be honest but still better than the streets. Salvation army run hostels to that effect in quite a few cities, turning point and creative support are ones in our area that do the supported accomm, there are lots of small private providers who do too, either as hostels or HMOs.
If he's in or near a big city then google support for homeless or something similar, there are soup kitchen type centres that are run by charities that often offer multiple services in house, eg support to find accommodation, support to access health services, etc. They tend to be friendlier and more proactive than the council.

Practical things that can help if your friend wants to do something, would be to make sure he's got ID, a recent proof of address, back up photo copies of these if he's liable to lose them when drunk, and while under no obligation at all, if she's willing to offer to cover a first week service charge (usually approx £20).

I have a similar family member and its tough. I know I shouldn't need to but sending over scans of his birth cert, getting him a UC login and sending (directly to the hostel) £15 to cover his gas and electric is something I've done a fair few times and it got a roof over his head. Not necessarily the same day but usually within a couple of days. Fwiw said family member has had some detoxes in the past but detoxing hasnt been a condition of accommodation (actually it's far harder to get a detox, they're expensive/hard to get funding for) Instead it's a cycle of supported housing and hostels with people with similar issues, with varying levels of him drinking but always a dependent drinker. Services are realistic that many people aren't going to change, and let's be honest being homeless and in crisis isn't really a time people are going to find the emotional resources to make major life changes.

NB proof of address I just mean last permanent address. As you can imagine hostels have to take reasonable steps to check that someone is UK resident and entitled to services

He could do a lot worse than contact AA.

Unless he wants help for his alcoholism there just isn't any point trying to help. Similar for the mental health issue to an extent although in both cases the relative could signpost him to support/ treatment.