To get a 2nd job even though I don’t need one?

[2ndJobTimeMaybe]

I left my now Ex-husband just over 4 years ago due to his violence and control. Because of him I lost everything apart from my DD and my pets. My home, most of my clothes, my security and routine where gone. I also suffered mentally and physically because of leaving him.

I rebuilt myself but due to lasting anxiety and PTSD I am terrified of losing everything again. I work 3 days a week in a fairly well paid office job (27k – fairly good for the area I live in most are £15-18k) with good chance of progression if I want it. But I don’t want to be totally reliant on it.

I am tempted to take a low paid, low hours or 0 hours job on the 2 weekdays and maybe 1 weekend day to “fall back on”. I am so scared of putting all my eggs in one basket and putting myself in that position again.

I am on strong antidepressants still and have had counselling both through the NHS and work who’ve paid for it, and the recurring theme is my sense of security. I cannot start all over again again, I cannot go back to having nothing. The pandemic plus being with my Ex and then leaving him has taught me that nothing is forever and that we need a plan a, b and c as well as preferably d and e in case. I have savings and in theory could go up to fulltime in my job but I don’t want to rely solely on it.

Don’t judge me, please. I don’t want to take a job away from someone who desperately needs it but at the same time, I can’t carry on being reliant on my job. I need to have multiple skills and defences so if it does all go wrong I have a plan.

AIBU?

It sounds like you've done amazing and I firmly believe that having a plan b and diversifying is good. In the 2nd job it would be good if you got something out of it like learning a new skill, or meeting new people. But otherwise, you don't need anyone's permission

Gently, I think this is your anxiety talking. It's irrational to take a nmw zero hours contract job when you're only working PT in a much better paid job.
Why not develop your skills with some short courses instead or ask to take on a new challenge and pick up extra hours in your current job?
Sorry to hear about your experience

@Tickledtrout

Gently, I think this is your anxiety talking. It's irrational to take a nmw zero hours contract job when you're only working PT in a much better paid job. Why not develop your skills with some short courses instead or ask to take on a new challenge and pick up extra hours in your current job? Sorry to hear about your experience

I take on everything I can that challenges me at work, and I could go up to fulltime, but nothing is forever. The part time job is not to sustain me or boost my income, it's so that if one job ends due to redundancy then I have a fall back and skills in a different field.

The local supermarket for example always has vacancies 8-12 hours a week with overtime for those who want it, so if I lost my office job i could increase my hours at the shop/other job until I could get another office job.

I think you would be better putting your time and mental energy into the job you have. If it goes tits up, THEN you can pick up a supermarket job. As you say, they always need people.

OP - I agree with PP, this is your anxiety talking. Very very few people pick 2 part time jobs incase one role is made redundant, unless their main job is under threat of redundancy. It doesn't sound like the case here.

Think logically, if they are regularly advertising jobs in your local supermarket, then at the point you were made redundant, you could go get a job there. Normally you have at least a month, usually 2 or 3 months notice before redundancy happens. So you will have time to find something else.

If what you looking to do is "future proof" your current lifestyle, you would be better going to 4 days a week at work, putting the extra money earned into savings you don't touch with the aim to build the to 12 months worth of "mortgage/rent, food and bills" money, so if the worse did happen, you knew on top of whatever redundancy pay out you got, whatever lower paid part time work you could find, you had at least a year to find another job.

Also using the extra time to train for other better paid jobs is also a good idea. If you fear losing this job, having extra training in other areas would be good to make you more likely to be picked for any other roles available within your current company or in others.

If you do go for a 2nd job you don't need, don't go for something dead end. Go for something that will boost your chances of getting a well paid main job. Something with training and prospects.

OP - also a single parent who lost everything in divorce. And my mum came from poverty and had a very tight control on money and was fearful always of not having any which has rubbed off on me. I am a full time teacher but I also tutor, exam mark and do both summer school and some TOEFL teaching in the holidays. The part time, ad hoc work has allowed me to build up my savings to a level I consider I could manage if ill health forced me out of work for around 12 months, probably more like 18 months if I were very frugal.

I completely understand about eggs in baskets and as a single person, consider it sensible to have those eggs to fall back on. I would personally look at going full time in your main job and maybe cultivating something on the side - even Avon or buying/selling on eBay would help enormously. To the person saying this is anxiety - perhaps it is. But when totally reliant on yourself for everything, it is not unreasonable to look at the what if, maybe and possibly and try to have contingencies in place.

Thank you everyone, going full time and having another ad hoc arrangement sounds sensible, then I can up the ad hoc if needed. Thank you.

Maybe it is anxiety, but its a feeling I can't shake and I need to do something.

You mentioned a daughter. Has she left home? If not surely you need time together.

@Esspee

You mentioned a daughter. Has she left home? If not surely you need time together.

DD is under 10 so still at home, I have 95% residency given through court.

A lot of low paid/zero hours jobs can be pretty stressful. I would think that a second job could make your anxiety considerably worse if the working environment/colleagues/customers weren't nice. Just something to consider.

Take a deep breath.

Now is the time you should be consolidating your life. Learning to enjoy it again.

You need to learn to trust again, yourself, life in general. Constantly catastrophising is something you need to take to your counsellor.

Best if luck getting off those last eggshells.

Having multiple income streams is a great idea, but instead of a second job I would think about upskilling and starting a small side project/business. E.g an online shop or freelance/consultancy.

I didn't take another job but I took an extra and relevant qualification, so if my first job disappeared, my skills were very up to date, making finding a new job easier.
Just a different kind of safety net!

Well done OP, and good luck

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was in an abusive relationship too, and I lost almost everything when I left (visa, business, income, friendship group, pets, step-daughter). It was horrific. I can 100% relate to the experience of having to completely build from the ground up again. You've done an amazing thing. Well done. Seriously.

It's sensible - especially in this day and age - to give yourself options, when it comes to income. My only concern with your plan is that you could feel burnt out, or be better off putting that time into something else, to give you more options.

The better your skillset, the higher your earning potential could be. It just depends what YOU want, personally. Think 5 years into the future. Would you like to be doing your office job (or similar), with another job on the side? Or would you rather have a job that pays even better than what you're already earning?

Security is both short-term and long-term, I suppose? So to have true security, all you really need (in my opinion) is to make sure you have savings to cover you for ~6 months now, while also having a plan for your future self.

Not unreasonable to feel how you feel AT ALL. Natural response to the trauma you have suffered. And I am all for keeping your options open - a side hustle, if you will. What about something arty or crafty - usually good for the mental health to develop those skills too?

@dustofneptune

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was in an abusive relationship too, and I lost almost everything when I left (visa, business, income, friendship group, pets, step-daughter). It was horrific. I can 100% relate to the experience of having to completely build from the ground up again. You've done an amazing thing. Well done. Seriously.

It's sensible - especially in this day and age - to give yourself options, when it comes to income. My only concern with your plan is that you could feel burnt out, or be better off putting that time into something else, to give you more options.

The better your skillset, the higher your earning potential could be. It just depends what YOU want, personally. Think 5 years into the future. Would you like to be doing your office job (or similar), with another job on the side? Or would you rather have a job that pays even better than what you're already earning?

Security is both short-term and long-term, I suppose? So to have true security, all you really need (in my opinion) is to make sure you have savings to cover you for ~6 months now, while also having a plan for your future self.

Ideally I want to retire in my 50s (in my 30s now) I don't want to be like my mum who is still working in her late 60s and unlikely to ever be able to afford to retire in the true sense of the word.

I already have a couple of pensions in case one business goes bust and I lose the money.

I also want to support my DD in adulthood, my parents couldn't do that they can't even help with childcare or lend me £5 or whatever they just can't afford it. I don't want to be like them.

I want to own my own home but I'm not too bothered about that right now, if it never happens it never happens.

I just want to feel safe and secure and like it's not going to all be taken away from me.

@Summerhillsquare

Not unreasonable to feel how you feel AT ALL. Natural response to the trauma you have suffered. And I am all for keeping your options open - a side hustle, if you will. What about something arty or crafty - usually good for the mental health to develop those skills too?

I can't draw or paint or sew or anything. I'm the least creative person I know. I can't even think of games to play with DD.

Why not up your hours to 4 days so that you can build up some savings but aren’t working all hours god sends? My DS1 has a holiday Tesco job. He is expected to work the Christmas shifts - it isn’t ideal if you have DC and you might come to resent it rather than see it as helpful.

Id use the extra time to gain a new qualification, so that you could increase your earning power in the long run. It would be a far better use of your time and would also ensure that if your current position were to end then you would find a new position quicker.

Increase by one day a week and save that but spend the fifth day rewarding yourself for your fantastic achievements? Weekends and evenings to be spent having a nice time with your DD.