AIBU to not want to get a "proper" job

[PurplePeopleEater76]

I am mid 40s and recently changed careers. I worked in one particular industry for nearly 20 decades, literally living my childhood dream. I left because I felt I had had all the opportunities I was ever going to get, it wasn't the kind of work that fitted around having young children, because it involved lots of late nights and travel, it's really a young person's industry - plus there were lots of changes within it that meant even if I went back now, it would be totally different to what I loved about it.
So, I had a rethink and retrained in an industry that is pretty stable, will always have work and is far more rewarding.
To increase my prospects, I then undertook two degree-level courses in that area. I have just handed in my dissertation for a Masters in it.
And I have decided I don't want to do this thing any more.

I have plodded through the courses as I felt like I had started so I might as well, and I have got decent marks all the way through. But it hasn't in any way ignited a passion in it.
I do have a job within the industry, but it's part time and pretty low level.
To put things into perspective, if it was teaching I would be a teaching assistant, but qualified to be a department head or middle manager.
But I love my low level job. I don't earn a fortune but it's enough to get us by and I have just signed a new contract that means I will be doing the same hours over fewer days a week, so I will have 1 or 2 days off I am not used to having.
I really, really want to do something creative with that time, I want to write, act, play music or something. Not entirely sure what. I feel like instead of it holding me back, my part time job is giving me the freedom to do the things I wanted to do before, when I was loving doing the corporate/proper job thing.
My kids are still at school so I'm not talking about selling the house and going camel trekking in the Sahara, but more like sitting down and writing the book I want to write, or learning to play a musical instrument or take a cooking class.
A full-time job will make that increasingly difficult, because of other family issues.
I am at a crossroads - do I knuckle down, get a proper job now using the qualifications I have worked hard for and start making plans for my retirement in 22 years time, or do I use the job I have now to fund my frivolity and be less well off, but probably less stressed.
As an aside, my OH has a life-limiting condition, which at the moment is under control but could flare up at any point so in the back of my mind I have the knowledge that presuming I get to retirement age, it could well be on my own. But that's another bridge to cross on another day.
Has anyone else faced similar (and yes, I am fully aware it's a midlife crisis, but even they have to have an outcome!)
Thanks.

Lots of factors to consider OP.

• If you stay in the low level for several years does it reduce your chances of getting the more senior position later if you wanted?

• Does your OH work full time? If so how does he feel about you working PT? Especially as he has a life limiting condition .

• If you worked FT/more senior job could your OH reduce his hours and would that help his health prospects?

• Might your Oh need expensive care or treatment at some point? Would you working FT/ more senior role help that be affordable?

• Does you working PT reduce stress for your OH eg because you can take on more domestic stuff?

• Does you working PT mean you can spend more time with your OH while he is still well?

1. Quite possibly but I have seen several people in that position and can’t see myself ever wanting to be it myself

2. Yes, he does, at the moment. But he’s fine with me being part time because it means I take on literally everything else (housework, kids, etc). He literally goes to work and comes home, that’s all he can do.

3. His job means he either does FT or nothing but he likes his job and wants to do it as long as he is able to. He sees giving it up as giving in to the condition.

4. Long term situation is unknown, but AFAIK the NHS have everything he will need. There’s no real alternative that will make a difference.

And 100% yes to the last two!

Hello,
Yanbu at all.I'm fact you are doing the right thing.
You are happier,your family will feel your happiness and will enjoy having the higher vibration in your home.
Your life is just that,your life,so,enjoy it.
You have learnt that money does not bring happiness which is a very valuable lesson.
You can afford this so why not?
Why make yourself miserable when you can make yourself happy?
🌈

I would say if you can get by financially then stick with the part time working . It sounds that your partner is happy with this and you are actually making things easier for him. More time to spend on your hobbies and with your family .

I don't know good you are with budgeting etc but perhaps start a bit of economising where possible whilst your partner is working full time and get some savings going .

You never know, your hobbies may lead to other opportunities in future .

Yes I agree. If the family is not under financial stress with you working in your current level then stick with it, as it has lots of other benefits.

If it means making significant financial sacrifices or worrying about money month to month or if there’s an unexpected expense then I’d say differently, but doesn’t sound like that?

Why don't you give it a year or 18 months. Working part time and enjoying the couple of days off per week. Then re evaluate..

@BrilliantBetty

Why don't you give it a year or 18 months. Working part time and enjoying the couple of days off per week. Then re evaluate..

That’s not a bad approach, actually, thanks. Obviously we would be financially much better off if I worked to my potential but I think that’s the only thing that would improve. Plus because this is all new to me, it hadn’t occurred to me that OH could maybe do more together (he works shifts so sometimes has a day off in the week). Also, if we do start to rely on two full time incomes, and he does have to give up sooner rather than later, it might be harder financially, whereas now I still have room to step up. I think his diagnosis has made me start questioning what’s important, maybe.

I can’t understand people who don’t try and push themselves to the best level they can. It’s your life though, it wouldn’t be good enough for me though.

I can’t understand people who don’t try and push themselves to the best level they can.
Eh? Why is paid, often unenjoyable work “the best level”, vs the OP pushing herself to write a book or learn an instrument, or be, y’know, happy. Free time and time with her DH and time to live is the best level, surely.

OP, FWIW I do write books on top of a full-time job and kids, and it’s basically impossible! Also 40. I’m job-hunting for 3-day week roles to cover bills and reduce stress while buying myself a day to focus on writing, which is my actual career vs my job. And a day to spend with DC. It’s going to impact my pension but I stick all my book money into that instead and it should work out. Simultaneously trying to retrain for a more fulfilling day job though, where I can be self-employed. And poor .

Honestly, if you can afford happiness, do it.

My only concerns would be:
If your DH dies or worsens, is the mortgage paid off, what income will
You have to see you through retirement?
Do you want to fund the DC at uni/for house deposits?
It will get harder to get higher paid management jobs the older you get, especially after years of part-time low paid work

My concerns would be purely financial- is your mortgage paid, or would you be able to afford the mortgage and bills on your PT salary alone if something was to go wrong with OH job?
It sounds lovely to have some more time for creative pursuits and family but not worth it if it’s going to create a crisis later.

Instead of doing the masters

You could have already written the book or done the creative

Why continue to work at a low level ?

@Eralos

I can’t understand people who don’t try and push themselves to the best level they can. It’s your life though, it wouldn’t be good enough for me though.

Because there's more to life than work.

I'm in a similar position so I completely get where you're coming from.
Try making the decision in your head and seeing how you feel about it.

Push yourself to be happy is my advice - that's the best level there is. I've ridden a camel in the Sahara - it's pretty easy to achieve if you want to do it and you visit Morocco :-D

But don't overlook things like savings, pensions, NI contributions etc.
I know you can think "but I need the money/freedom now", but being very poor and old is no fun.

Whether you’re U depends on your financial goals and position.
Your degrees have enriched your life whether you use them or not. It’s not a waste to continue working part time ‘although you worked hard for the degrees’. Entirely your choice.
However you must consider your long -term financial position and the amount of help you want to give your DC’s. I’d suggest you budget, think about how much you’ll need and see a financial advisor.

Sometimes I feel like I've been working 20 decades too.

My concern would be not being able to cover financial responsibilities should anything happen with your DH and not having a secure financial future.