AIBU with MIL?

[Katey94]

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent, I’ve always got on with my MIL, but since DD was born I find her pushy, it’s my first baby, when I gave birth I had postpartum hypertension & after being kept in hospital for 4 days I just wanted to go home & settle with baby & DH, but MIL was there when I got home for a visit, then again 2 days later and every week ever since ( DD is 3 months old now) My MIL lives a 45 min drive away so she visits me cos I don’t drive, however now she is pressuring me into staying with her for a few days & I don’t want to, it’s not the first time she’s tried this, every time she visits she takes over & holds baby the whole time & FIL never gets a chance, if I’m feeding baby when she arrives she gets right in mine & babies face for the whole feed, because I said no to staying with her and DH told her no, she whispered to me that she’d give me a call, implying she wants to have a talk with me cos I keep saying no.. she also keeps referring to DD as her girl & it drives me CRAZY, I know it may all seem innocent but I just can’t seem to stand it.. am I overreacting here?

Did you post this the other day? Not being rude, just questioning my own sanity, I definitely read this practically word for word

I’m sorry you had to deal with MIL on your doorstep after a difficult birth and recovery. Now is a good time to get your DH on side so that you can be a United Force to establish boundaries with your MIL (his DM). Sit down with DH and decide, how often MIL should visit, which days are good and how long each visit should last. Discuss what age your baby needs to be before even thinking about MIL babysitting (because that will be suggested next/soon). Make sure your DH is prepped on how he can help you in regards to managing the visit. So say MIL is holding baby constantly, have one of you go to say MIL can you help me in kitchen or I want your opinion on such and such in the garden and then other if you firmly get the baby back by saying you’ll take the baby now as it’s time for a feed/nappy change/burping/nap/ tummy time with toys, whatever.

Key is to have DH support you and be united. Because MIL will try and get to you through him if you set up boundaries by yourself.

@MeanyJoany

Did you post this the other day? Not being rude, just questioning my own sanity, I definitely read this practically word for word

Yes I also read the same thread the other day

Am sure MIL means well and must be so excited to have a new grandchild. Is it her first? My own mother couldn’t wait to share all her pearls of wisdom because I was a first time mum & in her day, she “had 3 under 5’s”. Realistically they are a pain in the arse, all their “tips” are out of date and no one knows baby better than their own mother.

You are going to have to hold firm. Do your best to deal with her kindly but remind her each time that you are DD mum and you know best.

Phrases such as:

Thank you for the offer but staying at home and stability is what is best for DD.

Thank you for the offer but we are doing fine and enjoying being at home.

It’s grandads turn for a cuddle now!

Grandad, would you like a cuddle now?

OP: I’d like to change DD now
MIL: I’ll do it.
OP: Thank you for the offer but I like to keep an eye on her poops/wee/nappy rash (delete as appropriate)

Hi! Lovely to see you. Please don’t distract her while she is feeding otherwise she will only want topping up in a little while, meaning less granny cuddles.

There is no need to be horrible to her but definitely do not cave in! Do it once and she will expect it to continue.

Also talk your DH and get him to have a word. He may not realise how irritated it is making you.

Mil used to all but be rearranging my top as I fed ds so I started feeding in a chair not the sofa.. No scope to sit next to us..
She also never had my mobile number...
Made for a much easier life..