To want to be more intelligent?

[Mummersnet]

I imagine that even that sentence is incorrect.

I am not very smart. My family are all really intelligent with great jobs. The sort of people who understand politics, love history and have these in depth discussions and debates. I’m so interested and fascinated but I have no idea what they’re on about. I read lots but don’t always understand stuff and I don’t retain information. My family have never made me feel like an idiot and they’re all super loving, they’ve never put me down and compliment me, but I’m jealous. I wish I could be smarter. I don’t even have ‘street smarts’ and no discernible skills. I just feel like an idiotic lump.

Can you become more intelligent or will I always feel like the dumb pig of the family? I am fascinated by lots of subjects but I is okay don’t have the brain capacity to fully understand them. I was listening to a history podcast today and just kept thinking ‘eh?’. Really hating myself today.

I come from a family of over achievers, so I do understand the struggle. I used to get down quite a lot about not being world-class in my field, or famous, or super rich, but the truth is, there's always someone out there that might be better than you at something.

I just enjoy what I have and what I do, and I keep reading. I'm never going to be a professor ... because I didn't actually WANT to continue at uni. Read the things that interest you. Politics used to completely baffle me (and I'm not stupid), but I started reading the very basics, the foundation that explains the differences to children. Then I suddenly understood all the other things I'd been reading - it clicked. It was because I didn't understand the fundamentals first. It's like trying to learn algebra before you can add sums. Start with the foundations for anything you enjoy learning (or skirt around the topic, so you can get to the interesting bits you like). You're not stupid though, if you're interested in learning. Quite the opposite. Didn't Einstein say, The more I learn, the more I realise how much I don't know.

[quote BabyLeaf]I don’t think your intelligence is the issue here. It’s your self esteem.

Answer these questions and let me know what score you get:

wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm[/quote]
Is it bad if the score is over 25? It says the normal range is between 15-25. Thanks

I listen to Radio 4 a lot and you can pick up a lot from there. I will say when I first started listening - about 8 years ago a lot of it (particularly politics) went over my head. Now I can pretty much follow and enjoy most stuff. Also - I'll check out any interesting podcasts. I heard of one called "Sideways" that's pretty listentoable. I also love podcasts of interesting, intelligent people chatting to each other. I am addicted to Fortunately with Fi Glover an Jane Garvey. They have great guests on too. So now - I would say - I can hold my own in most conversations. However nobody want to chat to me about such random stuffs! And if something peaks your interest, go from there. You say you listened to a history programme but was saying 'eh?' then if you are intrigued find out more. If you want to.

I read lots but don’t always understand stuff and I don’t retain information.

You do realise that most people look things up and nowadays with smart phones it is easier to do.

Plus if you are always listening to news and current affairs radio you will hear the same terms repeated again and again often with explanations.

OP, you sound intelligent and lovely and I'm sure you have lots of qualities that your family / friends wished they had !

I agree with PP saying to start with the basics/kid's version and build on that.

For my job I frequently have a couple of day's notice that I need to become a temporary 'expert' in something, from any discipline. Whilst my own educational background gives the basics for some areas, other areas are completely new to me.

My process is this: Watch a couple of TED talks on the subject, to understand the wider context and why something is important. Then read wikipedia and other accessible articles from reputable newspapers, New Scientist, government, think tanks. Then read an academic review paper or two on the subject. Occasionally (if very interested or really vital) I'll then read a couple of proper academic papers on a specific area of debate. For the academic paper I'd only usually bother to read the abstract, intro, summary, conclusions, as I only need to know enough to have a discussion and be reasonably knowledgeable, rather than have an academic debate. With each step you are establishing the foundation and then delving a little deeper, increasing your understanding bit by bit. If I jumped straight into the detail and academic papers I wouldn't have a clue what was going on.

When you said you listened to the podcast and though eh? I think that’s totally fair enough. I make a list of things to follow up (I have a specific note book for this) and then google them after. Then I I forgot what I’ve read and have to look it up again.

Also when in the middle of a debate and you don’t know or aren’t clear on something. Either it’ll be explained or your find out that the speaker has to think if what they are saying is actually right.

But don’t think think of yourself so negatively. It’s horrible and not true. There’s lots of reasons why one person doesn’t know something another person knows.

I don't think it's you.

A lot of things in the news and politics have a history going back decades, largely because we have gone round in circles trying to fix things.

Is there a topic you want to understand more?

Find an introductory guide aimed at light readers. Read story books set in that time. I think childrens encyclopaedias and history books are a wonderful resource too.

I think lots of people can proclaim to be an expert when what they have is an opinion. I'm not saying an opinion isn't important but there is overwhelming complexity.

The other thing I've found helpful is books on how to think critically and emotional intelligence. Those skills help with things that aren't black and white which is pretty much everything.

Also, when I was a very young woman, I worked as a nanny for a couple. He was a famous author, and she had written the text book we had studied at college about child psychology. She had been a "blue stocking", they'd both had Oxbridge educations. I definitely felt very inferior, especially when they discussed Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development at breakfast, and I didn't understand half of it. 15 years ago, she asked me if I would go and stay with her for a month and help her sort out and catalogue her husband's library as she was going to donate a lot of his work to the V&A. By this time she was about 80, widowed, still as bright and erudite as she had been. And she told me that they had often talked about me as being the one Nanny who had been able to join in with their conversations!

This is a great thread. I think the poster who said the important thing is curiosity had it bang on. Follow any lines of query that pop into your head. So for example, when my kids were little, we used to have an exercise book where they (or I) wrote any question they asked that I didn't know the answer to. When we had chance, we'd research the answer to the question. I think the same concept could work really well for adults, in fact you've inspired me to start one for myself. Just this morning, my 9yr old asked me why everything is made in China... I told her it's where the cheapest labour is, and then she asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing... Which took me completely out of my depth and comfort zone, so I'm going to look into different perspectives and try and put it in a nutshell for her. You get the idea. Try and answer your own questions, using internet, books, people around you... Gather clues, write them down, and start looking for ways to join stuff together. You deserve to learn about stuff that you want to understand!

There is that thing that if you tell yoursel you are stupid enough, you will consider that a true state of affairs. Kind of like negative version of fake it till you make it.

Have you read MN where a poster will comment X is highly educated but can’t change a duvet cover.. type of thing. I’m thick on subjects such as politics but it’s because it bores me and I have zero interest in learning about politics in any form. Be who you are and like what you like don’t compare yourself to others

@Madmomma I was the poster who said curiosity is the key!

I do pretty much as you describe. I follow lots & lots of lines of interest. Sometimes I read one or two follow up leads & my interest is sated so I move on. Other times the more I read the more interested I become so I keep going over an extended period.

I have specialist knowledge in my work life but it's in a cultural / arts sector & that's such a broad & interesting area touching on so many topics that following my own interests sort of reflects how I work any way.

I'm endlessly fascinated with stuff!

Hi OP. I used to feel like this. Politics and other in-depth discussions went over my head. What I do now is listen to those conversations and ask questions. Either that or I'll come home and Google it later so that the next time a conversation like that happens, I'll be prepared. I also watch YouTube videos, documentaries and here's a good one - I read history books aimed at children. Go into the children's section in the library and those books simplify things so well. I love history books aimed at children. The pictures are colourful and bring a tough subject to life.

@hollyhocksarenotmessy

People do vary in intelligence, even within the same family. You may indeed not be as intelligent as them. I have a several family members who are genuinely geniuses, and I feel dumb around them. But I'm not really. So before you put yourself down, think about who you are comparing yourself to. Your post was well-written, clear, concise and grammatically correct. Signs of intelligence and orderly thinking. Yet you started off by saying it was probably wrong.

If you find it hard to retain information you read, look at 'learning styles'. You may find it easier to learn through listening (podcasts) or watching (videos).

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Just from reading your post, you obviously have a good grasp of the English language and grammar. Way better than many many posts I read on SM! I think you may be doing yourself a disservice.

Lack of self esteem will skew your perception of how much 'more intelligent' other people are than you - and it will also mean you're less likely to ask questions, as you don't want to appear stupid.

I think 'intelligent' people tend to fall broadly into two camps - either with a broad knowledge of lots of subjects, but few in much depth, or a very deep, detailed knowledge of a few subjects, and both of these can seem intimidating in their own way. BUT - very very few people understand many, varied topics very deeply, and that's something to bear in mind when trying to pluck up the courage to ask questions - they just happen to be talking intelligently about that one specific subject. So, when you ask a question of an 'intelligent' person - they have no idea of the brilliant stuff you many have stored away in your brain, and probably think a lot more of you than you do

I think the most intelligent people are those who have emotional intelligence as well as intellectual intelligence, and can explain a subject clearly and straightforwardly to anyone who wants to understand.

I disagree that there aren't different learning styles - if you have autistic/dyspraxic/dyslexic relatives then you know that different things definitely work for different people. I need things to be written down. I struggle with executive function and forget things all the time. I literally just forgot the term executive function and was googling it to remember. I got a distinction for my MA Res though because researching is what I am good at, retaining info/speaking about things are not things I am good at, work to your strengths.

People with dyslexia for example often have short term memory problems and so struggle to retain information. I doubt that your difficulties are due to lower intelligence, more likely down to how you process information This can lead to low self esteem as it certainly did in the past for me as I didn't understand why I found certain things so difficult.

What are you interested in and what would you like to do? What did you enjoy or were you interested in as a child/teen/20 year old?

You’re fine. The majority of the population don’t have a clue about history, politics or whatever. All they talk about is their lives and maybe a couple of news headlines.

Also many people are intelligent but can’t hold a conversation. A monologue on their subject of interest, yes, but not a conversation.

Knowledge is infinite. You can never try to be ‘more well read’ for conversation because different people know different things. your family would appear terribly boring to my farming family members (who however have an encyclopaedic knowledge of tractors, farming regulations, soil types etc etc). That’s just how the world is.

If you feel boring then don’t go and read more history etc which won’t be of use. Google ‘how to develop conversational things’. Learn to ask leading questions, build on what someone else has said, etc.

Also to add - the ‘it’s ok as long as you’re kind’ advice is stupid. If you don’t get on with people you can be the kindest person but people will still find you boring and just use you.

Howveer you didn’t say that you have no friends. Just that your family is smarter than you so I presume you’re just a normal person :)

OP I am (not intended as a boast) highly academically intelligent. My entire family is pretty bright. I have still found myself out of my depth multiple times on some current affairs or history topics. I have a colleague who just seems to know about 10x more about current affairs than I do and I often feel 'stupid' around him. Going off academic results, he's not more intelligent than me (I know that's not everything btw but it's the one objective measure I've got!). The reality is, past a certain point, intelligence doesn't matter. If you're a physicist in academia, sure, but in a day to day conversation a lot is about how interested a person is at the topic at hand. The difference between you and your family, and me and my colleague is that I am confident in my intelligence and therefore he doesn't make me feel stupid (he makes me feel ill informed a lot!). For reference I'm a 22 on that trst so my self esteem is on the high end of 'normal' - I am not someone who feels I'm brilliant in all ways!

As others have said, your post suggests you're reasonably bright. None of us know you here but I suspect the issue is confidence/self esteem not that you're actually not that bright!

What was the podcast? If you're interested in history have you tried "You're dead to me

I appreciate I've said he makes me feel stupid and he doesn't make me feel stupid at the same time. What I mean is he often makes me question whether I should have more knowledge. He doesn't make me actually feel unintelligent.

I’ve found listening to self-compassion by Pema Chodron really useful because she advocates ‘start where you are’ and being a friend to yourself as you are now.

There are lots of free talks on yt, she has a sense of humour, speaks quite slowly etc so listening (for me anyway) is a lovely self-care session that leaves me feeling more positive and productive.

I think most things are ‘easier’ when you have compassion for yourself, with all your perceived ‘faults’, because it removes the immense burden of comparing yourself to others, including any ‘time-tables’ for achieving things.

And fully second PP’s saying that when a topic interests you, and it’s more about the enjoyment of learning about that topic (rather than ‘having’ to learn to ‘fit in’ or get a qualification) then it is also ‘easier’.

People often talk confidently from a particular view point but most of the time there isn't a simple answer and choosing a single viewpoint cuts out a whole lot of complicated back and forth arguments. It seems confusing because it is confusing and if it was simple we probably wouldn't have anything to talk about.

I'd find something you want to know more about and ask some questions. So, for example, there was a thread the other day about inflation. Questions you might ask ask are what is it? What happens when inflation is high or low? Why does it matter? Then you'll open up a whole interesting discussion on why inflation isn't always bad and in fact we need inflation, etc.

You don't need to know everything about something - just enough that you can follow a news article or a discussion.