Aibu at not wanting to be a family hotel?

[Alis1beelbals]

we’re in the position for the first time in a few years that we have a spare room! Only problem is the mil is already hinting at oh I can have my own room and your sister (my sil) and family (baby and husband) can all stay and visit
Aibu to feel peeved off that we’re already been considered as a free hotel?
Not sure if relevant but Mil lives two hours away and comes regularly for the day and sil lives a good five hours drive so we only see them once a year
Can’t say I really like mil owns don’t know sil that well ,but it’s my husband’s family and kids grandparent/aunt cousin.
Would you go with it? or put foot down early? And how??? What words are not too harsh ,to decline weekend guests??? I’m not normally confrontational but don’t want to be taken advantage of and husband is way too polite he has a problem saying no to his mum
Ps we don’t have any other family or guests staying over at all either

If your sil visits once a year I can't see a problem if they want to stay. Your mil however needs to know that she doesn't have her room in your home. Tell her that's your office or being used for something.

It's your home. You and your DH need to discuss this and work out what you can agree to without being overrrun with self invited guests.

And the very first time he folds, agrees without discussing it with you, he has to do ALL of the cleaning, arranging, cooking etc.

Some will say you are being VU, but I am not all that keen on guests either, so I understand how intrusive they are even when invited!

Gosh, once or twice a year having having family to stay if you have the space is not really a huge hardship nor is it like being treated like a hotel. The children would love it.

I'm sure your MIL just wants to have a weekend where everyone is together and as you have the space, it makes most sense. Logistically as they're so far away and you two are closer together. But unless there is huge family fallouts and dramas, I can't see the problem with it.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Ha yes unfortunately a few years ago we had room and mil came every fortnight and it would get longer so Thursday night to Sunday! Every two weeks!! Far too much and this is why I don’t want to start it back up!

You need to rename the spare room...
Dcat's room would be my first suggestion..
Then maybe office /library /day room /ironing room /
Spare room is a dare for people to make it not spare!!

I'd Chuck a desk or washing machine in there and call it something else!

I think this is as big a deal as you make it, really.

Why not put a date in for late Sept/ early Oct for her to stay? Assuming your DH would like her to… then just decline all other suggestions?

I thought the point of a spare room was so you have somewhere for visitors. Having family visit does not equal being treated like a hotel and there is nothing to suggest that is what they plan to do either.

I think it's pretty normal for close family to come and stay - it's a bit weird to me that you're so against the idea in principle - but obviously you get to decide on dates together and can and should say no if you don't fancy a particular weekend

@Alis1beelbals

Ha yes unfortunately a few years ago we had room and mil came every fortnight and it would get longer so Thursday night to Sunday! Every two weeks!! Far too much and this is why I don’t want to start it back up!

Then you need to make that "spare room" into a hobbies room and fill it up with your stuff ASAP. Do you need a dressmaking/sewing room, or a dedicated office, or a games room, Op? Or maybe a bondage room, surely that would put MIL off.

In no way get dragged back into fortnightly visits, that warrants a firm NO.

I hate people staying in my house. Mind you I don't like staying in other people's houses either.

It's your house and you get to decide. Make vague "mmm" noises and turn it into an office if you want.

Your MIL regularly does a 4hr round trip to visit you for the day and you cant even be generous enough to let her stay over in the guest bedroom the odd time?

Would it make sense for her to get a hotel or air bnb if she's driving all that way?

I'd repurpose the room pronto. Take the bed out and use it for something else, it takes the emotional side out if you need it for storage, office space etc. Premier Inn is cheap and clean, why not have them stay there?

We have a hobby / study / office room for precisely this reason!

You sound like my sil who lives in a five bedroom house.

We regularly drive for four hours to see pil but she has never once offered to put us up. Yes we have invited her to stay at our house but the last time she came was when we got married 33 years ago.
As a result we generally stay in a hotel (for various reasons we can’t stay with in-laws). Over the years this has been very expensive especially when our DC’s became teenagers and we needed separate rooms in an expensive city.
Probably at today’s prices we have spent £25k in total!
Surely you can put them up for a couple of weekends a year?

Agree, maybe get a sofa bed and find a use for that room ASAP

I think this is as big a deal as you make it, really

Totally this.

@Fairyliz have you asked?
I would be blatant.

I would have thought that is what a spare room is for - we have a spare room and I don't think it used enough for visitors, I would like more! But given your update about how often she used to come, that would be annoying, granted.

What’s the spare room for, if not for guests?

I honestly can’t imagine not offering to host my SIL and family, if they lived 5 hours away.

But if you never want guests, make that clear, I guess. I would find you a bit unreasonable but I’d recognise it was your choice.

@NoSquirrels

What’s the spare room for, if not for guests?

I honestly can’t imagine not offering to host my SIL and family, if they lived 5 hours away.

But if you never want guests, make that clear, I guess. I would find you a bit unreasonable but I’d recognise it was your choice.

Invited... Invited guests!

You've missed the bit were OP explains the self inviting, ever longer staying nature of the use of her spare room!

The odd time / a couple of weekends a year, is not once a fortnight

That just means MIL is not SIL