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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Massages

48 replies

Pollypocket89 · 23/08/2021 19:14

Aibu to feel comfortable with this? This morning at work a male friend gave me a 2 minute shoulder massage. I've known him years and feel comfortable with him as I know how it was intended but a few people looked like WTF afterwards as I'm married but I didn't see anything in it other than friendly intentions

Would you assume they were attracted to you or just friendly if someone did that to you?

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 23/08/2021 19:57

I daresay I lot of you would frown about a bit of mutual masterbation at the water cooler then?
.. Sigh..

Palavah · 23/08/2021 19:57

Where did this happen?

TeachesOfPeaches · 23/08/2021 20:01

Weird whether it was a man or a woman giving you a massage in the workplace

Moonwatcher1234 · 23/08/2021 20:05

Sorry but this is gross and unprofessional…I know it’s not right but it’s the kind of thing that starts horrid rumours in the office. Why not just stay professional?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 23/08/2021 20:43

It was in our office with 2 other people around while I sat at my desk, for those asking. No he didn't ask first but we've been friends for a while

Going by the responses I guess I am bu! I didn't take as a him fancying me thing at all

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2021 20:47

Depends on your workplace I think. How would your husband feel about it and how would you feel the other way around?

SilverTimpani · 23/08/2021 21:05

Not sure about whether it’s maritally inappropriate but it is definitely weird and unprofessional in the workplace. I expect that’s why people were looking askance.

BigRedFrog · 23/08/2021 21:10

A male colleague of mine often gives me a shoulder massage, I don't think it lasts two minutes though, maybe a minute.
We also hug each other goodbye.
I'd be worried if my husband gave his colleagues a massage, being as they're all blokes they'd probably punch him.

SirenSays · 23/08/2021 21:12

DHs previous manager used to lean all over all the men and rub their shoulders while they were working. He couldn't stand her and it made him very uncomfortable.

Anonymous48 · 23/08/2021 21:12

It doesn't have to be sexual, or flirty, but that doesn't matter. It's completely inappropriate for the workplace.

Ughmaybenot · 23/08/2021 21:13

A (male) colleague at my previous workplace used to bring me a latte in my favourite mug and give me a shoulder massage every morning when I got to work… but it was a very unconventional workplace, and that was part of the charm of it. Absolutely no feelings either side, just bloody good mates.
I do think tho, somewhat hypocritically given my previous statement, that situations where it was genuinely ‘normal’ with no undertones would be very few and far between.

Belli668 · 23/08/2021 21:17

I don’t know….there’s kind of nothing wrong with it….but also it is maybe a bit strange? I’ve never seen it happen or worked in the kind of place it would happen. I don’t think it has to be sexual at all but equally if I arrived in the office and someone was massaging someone else I’d be a bit like Blush Confused

1FootInTheRave · 23/08/2021 21:19

Weird and inappropriate.

Jinxdoesit · 23/08/2021 21:29

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my back and shoulders are so tight and sore just now. I'd let a random on the street give me a shoulder massage right now!

TillyTopper · 23/08/2021 21:30

It depends what your usual company culture is like - it sounds like yours isn't that accepting. I used to work in gambling, it's acceptable there and has happened not infrequently in the office.

3Br1tnee · 23/08/2021 22:13

It sounds cringey as fuck, I'd be making wtf faces too.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2021 22:21

I am very relaxed about male / female friends but 1. Does he do it to male friends and 2. Did he ask or did you request.

If the answer is no to either of those things then yes its weird

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 23/08/2021 22:40

He didn't ask, no and I've not seen him do it to anyone else but I think I could imagine him doing it to a man. I didn't feel any sexual undertone

OP posts:
Applesarenice · 23/08/2021 22:58

Equally weird if a female best friend/colleague did this in the workplace ( or anywhere else…)

lazylinguist · 23/08/2021 23:03

Weird and inappropriate, regardless of whether you're just friends.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 24/08/2021 07:56

OK, definitely bu! I'll try and stop it again as I don't want people to be uncomfortable

OP posts:
5128gap · 24/08/2021 08:10

I get the impression you're more interested in whether this means he fancies you rather than whether people think its inappropriate in the workplace? Hard to tell from a single incident. You usually know if someone is sexually interested from a wide range of behaviours, how flirtatious they are, how they look at you, whether their interest in you seems disproportionate to the relationship, and usually some testing of the water remarks. If you've had none of this I'd say he probably doesn't, but just lacks some boundaries. I'm sure if he does fancy you he will build on the incident before too long, and then you'll know.

Window1 · 24/08/2021 08:14

If think it was weird seeing anyone of any relationship status and sex combination having a massage from a colleague at work.

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