To ask how to be positive when you’ve had an utterly shit life so far?

[MiserableLifeEndsHere]

Just that really.

Any ideas?

Or AIBU to think I can turn from a bitter old bag into a positive, happy, confident person?

Life has been a big struggle from early childhood. Lots of terrible bad luck and traumatic experiences. Therapy has not helped much other than to understand that it wasn’t my fault but I still live with the after effects. Life is tough at the moment but I really want to start feeling positive about my future (what’s left it it!) to motivate me to move on.

Can’t afford a life coach.

Anyone tried anything that worked?

Have you seen the movie The Color Purple with Whoppi Goldberg (from the Alice Walker book)?

There's a line I love:

I'm poor, black; I may even be ugly. But dear God! I'm here! I'm here!

Cecie has survived a horrendous life and she now knows that she is enough and she is worth something.

There is power in our capacity to survive. She is proud of what she has has endured and she knows that simply being is enough.

This is absolutely not for everyone but, psychedelic drugs.

Made me think about things in a different way and removed some of the negative feelings around certain memories. Sounds mad and it is, but I genuinely feel like it helped me.

For something less ridiculous, EMDR therapy. You can give it a go yourself at home if you ever feel like you are thinking about a negative situation.

@zoemum2006

Have you seen the movie The Color Purple with Whoppi Goldberg (from the Alice Walker book)?

There's a line I love:

I'm poor, black; I may even be ugly. But dear God! I'm here! I'm here!

Cecie has survived a horrendous life and she now knows that she is enough and she is worth something.

There is power in our capacity to survive. She is proud of what she has has endured and she knows that simply being is enough.

I love this.

Just to have survived everything that's been thrown at you so far and still feel like the main thing is you're still here, still have a place.

what good is being pretty if you don't love yourself and have boundaries, you just end up with a better looking bastard, that's all you get for being pretty. Better looking people taking advantage of you.

Your past isn't your future.

Make a fresh start somewhere new where there are no memories of the past.

I try to see the positive in every situation, so much so that I have been compared with Pollyanna, but it was a compliment. People that don't know me really well assume I've had an easy, somewhat blessed life.
I've dragged myself up from nothing and count my blessings every day. It is possible.

Just to echo what others are saying, you looks at the hardships you have gone through and realise ease will come and you're still here. You survived and it made you stronger. So you have the strength to go on to greater things. Wish you all the best op, Love this thread x

You've got some great advice here already. One big thing I would add - positive and happy are not the same thing. You already have a positive mindset because you're looking outwards and actively looking for things that you want to change or feel better about.

A few things people I know/work with have found helpful:

The PERMA model - a great little checklist to find five types of thing that help to support you to feel positive, and focus on positives.
positivepsychology.com/perma-model/

Happiful Magazine - a monthly eZine, free to download, that focuses on positive new stories, positive psychology, debunking some of the bollocks people spout about health or perfection equalling happiness, or happiness equalling positivity.
read.happiful.com/942b2bde-d7e3-4c14-8ae2-f0abcbd56f32/read

Thinking about positive language - simple switches to remind you to focus on what you do want instead of things you don't want, on what you can do instead of on what you can't do.
work911.com/articles/poslan.htm

This self compassion course changed my life, it's completely altered my perception of life and how I treat myself. Not much has changed practically in my life but my views and approach have changed. 29k.org/yoga-girl

I always tell myself that however bad things are for me, things are far worse for someone else. Think about it .......... you have a roof over your head, right? Lots of people don't. You go to sleep feeling safe in your bed, while those on the streets are scared to sleep for fear of being attacked, or having whatever little they do have stolen. You get the picture?

I was in hospital a few years back, feeling very ill with double pneumonia. I lay there feeling very sorry for myself, until I heard another lady on the ward tell someone else, about how serious her ailments were. I listened behind my curtain, and thought 'there you have it, there's someone worse off than you, be grateful that you aren't as sick as she is!' I find that it ALWAYS helps! Give it a try, and good luck for a happier future.

You never know what's around the corner but you need to get out and about for life to happen.

The little things in life can give a lot joy despite how awful life and people can be.

Chinese proverb ‘knock 7 times, get up 8.’ And they’ve been through some serious shit.

Great advice ,
I would like to add it's actually ok to feel whatever, to know that feelings come and go, and for most of us neutral is our natural state.

Something that’s helped me is to turn it round and instead of thinking about all the shit things that have happened to me, to think about all the shit things I’ve survived. It makes me feel much stronger.

Dunno. Let me know if any of these suggestions work for you though. I’m trying but very tired now.