Ex husband constantly feeds kids junk food!! 😫😫

[1988TBT]

Bit of background for you… been divorced 3 years. Kids go to their dads every other weekend and one day every week. Approx 70/30 split. Ex DH is extremely overweight with very poor nutritional knowledge. Something that did eventually contribute along with many other factors to our divorce. When the kids go to him they are fed junk and takeaways the whole time! If it’s not a takeaway it’s sugary cereal or sausage and egg etc, I have tried to mention it to ex DH but he always says sorry etc it was a one off. I really can’t see how as an adult he can’t see the damage he is doing to both himself and our children! Kids come back to me cranky, stroppy and knackered from late nights and poor nutrition… then as per usual I have to play boring mum bad cop by balancing out the junk and feeding them healthy food. I wanted to get them a McDonald’s as a treat today after coming back from their dads but really can’t see how I can now when I know they’ve had 4 takeaways with him over 3 days! I’m not a health freak and eat my fair share of junk but as a family we have a balanced diet and I try to teach my children about nutrition and what their body needs to function etc. Oldest daughter takes it as a personal attack against her dad when I mention their food at his etc and now I’m sure he’s started asking them to lie to me about what they’ve eaten when I ask.

Anyone got any advice or similar situation?!

My DH and I are together and I still have this problem with him - he’s a SAHD at the moment so doing the lion’s share of the cooking for DS, who is 5. I’m not exactly a health freak myself but I do feel strongly that DS should be eating well with lots of veggies and limited processed foods. It doesn’t help that DS has been going through a very fussy stage (linked to choking anxiety) so the list of acceptable meals is quite short anyway but let’s just say that this summer holidays DS has been eating what I call freezer food (eg chicken nuggets and chips) the vast majority of the time unless I step in to cook something for him, which I can only do when I’m wfh.

I’ve had to try and chill out about it and accept that I can’t control how DH parents when I’m not around, and that extends to food as well. Are your children overweight or verging on it OP? My DS is a skinny little thing so I don’t have that worry and I just try to make sure he gets tons of vegetables and fruit when I’m around.

I appreciate your concerns about the food he’s feeds them.

However, I feel strongly that voicing these concerns, in even the slightest/gentlest of ways, could lead to issues. Feeling that they have to “cover” for fathers takeaways when with you, or feeling that they have to promote your healthier food when with him!

I would back off. Appreciate his reliability in turning up, etc and just hope for the best.

Mine's the same. One Dc cooks now, so eats healthier there. Other still eats junk but always comes home for pudding (fresh fruit) and I try and get Dc eating a healthy snack before going.

Could you send frozen home cooked dinners for all three? As a favour so they can "spend more time together"and "he can save money"... ?

BlackeyedSusan Why on earth should OP do this? She is responsible for DC on her time .EXDH on his! She should not have to pay for food/prepare it if hes too lazy to prepare food properly!

Have you tried watching TV shows like What are we feeding our kids, or Super size Me with your DC

I found the only way to address this was for the DC to ask for healthier food when with exH. They might now refuse ultra-processed foods at his because they know about health eating. I can't get portion size to skink in, so they still over eat when with him.

One DC is autistic and will overeat until he vomits when he's with is Dad. It's really upsetting, and my DC are all putting on weight too fast. But I can't control it. I can just focus on healthy food, sensible portions and staying active when the DC are with me.

It sounds like it’s already starting to be an issue with covering for him etc.

You know you can’t do anything and as frustrating as it is, you’re better off to drop it altogether and pretend you don’t care. If the rest of their diet is balanced and healthy then you are doing your job nutritionally. All you can focus on is their time with you

Thank you all, some great advice and ideas here x

Same issue here
so frustrated