DD is 7 and has a condition in her joints and muscles. Because of this she can’t always feel when she needs to go to the toilet.
She’s only just (in the last 6 months) completely trained in the daytime, it’s taken a lot of work and there’s been hundreds of accidents but we’re finally there. She’s still not 100% reliable with letting us know and has the occasional accident because she hasn’t told me (or whoever she’s with – school, mum etc) that she needs to go until the last minute, but I’d say accidents because she can’t feel she needs to go have stopped – she tells me when it’s a “I know I needed to go but didn’t say anything” rather than a “I didn’t feel it at all and don’t know when I actually wet/soiled myself”.
Because she struggled to be completely daytime trained until recently I was told not to tackle nighttime without the help of the nurses (I can’t remember their department but they’re the ones who deal with nighttime wetting). DDs a deep sleeper and has never even as a newborn woken up when wet or soiled probably due to her condition. Also I wake her in the night to change pull ups (as I’ve been advised to do) and she often is still wet in the morning.
She tends not to soil at all now at night, unless ill so we’re moving in the right direction but no-one thinks she’s ready for nighttime training just yet. They think it’s likely she’ll need medication for a short while until she gets the hang of it.
ExH has her for 1 overnight a fortnight, that’s it. There’s a CAO in place as we split due to his violence and control including towards DD (Don’t get me started I tried to stop him seeing her but the courts still awarded him unsupervised contact he passed checks apparently).. And because he sees her for those 24 hours a fortnight he thinks he’s an expert on her and knows best. He never comes to any medical appointments or meetings with school so he actually has no idea.
He has started not putting her in nappies/pull ups at night insisting she’s ready, says she’s not a baby anymore and needs to learn. She wakes up wet at his and is getting sore because he doesn’t check her in the night – he never changed her pull up/nappy in the night anyway but that was up to him.
This is a child there’s concerns for her overall development – she’s physically much much smaller than her school friends (as much as 15cms difference in some cases but generally between 8 and 12cm difference), she forgets what she’s saying half way through saying it and this happens a lot, she’s struggling with reading and writing etc.
School have said she is not behaving badly with either the accidents or her forgetting etc but it’s her and are really supportive.
There’s absolutely nothing I can do. My solicitor says not to stop contact over it because if he takes me back to court he can claim it’s medical advice only and he doesn’t have to follow advice and wants to parent differently to me. The only time I can is if he doesn’t give her life saving medications like her inhalers which he gives her (I know because it’s one of those with a counter on the inhaler that tells you how many doses have been used and I make a note of the number before I send her to his). He’s allowed to want to “teach” her this way to use the toilet at night.
He also refuses to give her her antihistamines saying he doesn’t think she needs them. Again his choice (she’s got hayfever and a skin allergy triggered by pollen and certain fibres).
I’ve had my solicitor send him a letter and he wrote back saying that he’s finally escaped me and won’t be controlled or dictated to by me (yeah he’s one of those that tried to accuse me of abusing him in court – all his evidence about it was thrown out but he still tries that line occasionally), DDs consultants and physio have sent him letters he either ignores them or hands them over to me unopened saying medical stuff is my problem. He will also tell people I’ve made up DDs medical conditions to control him and cut contact which is why I suspect he was given some unsupervised contact by the court.
There’s nothing I can do so here I am ranting on the internet about it.