Feel like I'm failing my daughter..

[Desario]

The title states as it is..
I feel like I'm massively failing my daughter..
My daughter is nearly 3, we fled domestic abuse and she currently only sees her father at a contact centre once a month... He has very limited involvement in her life.. After a long and arduous road with child maintenance, he's finally subject to deduction of earnings.
I just feel like I'm failing her because I work full time in a very busy front line role, my hours are quite long and she starts and finishes nursery late. She's absolutely thriving in nursery and she loves it there.. She eats really well and sleeps 7 to 7 which I know is great. But I have this dull feeling inside me that I'm just not good enough or that I'm not more emotionally available to her..the weekend comes and I'm shattered but we still get up early, have play dates, go places.... This weekend the weather was miserable so we stayed indoors mostly, I spent most of the weekend tidying up, cooking, cleaning, putting washes on and just felt like I didn't allow myself to enjoy the valuable time I have with her because there's so many things to do.. I looked at my step counter just before going to bed and I clocked up over 11000 steps in the house just from being on my feet all day and doing stuff.. I just feel like I don't allow myself to sit and enjoy time with her because in the back of my mind there's always something to do... We don't have any family near by and she only has me and I just don't want her to think I was never around or available to her :( I love her so much and she's my pride and joy and she is just my everything.. I feel guilty that I work full time and every penny is accounted for, when I fled from my ex I had to start again and built up some debts by starting a new life.. The child maintenance is paying off this debt currently as I pay for everything she needs.. I rarely buy any new treats for her, I feel so guilty when we're shopping and she wants a book and I can't justify buying it.. I'm holding out a little longer till her funded hours kick in and life is a little easier financially.. I don't really know the point of this thread, I know I'm rambling.. I just felt like I was failing her by always having my mind occupied on something else because I'm on my own and there's always something to think about and do.
I guess I don't really know how to stop feeling this way.

I agree that just 15 minutes a day to solely focus on her will work wonders for how you feel. But you sound amazing. The poster up thread spent almost no time with their mother by the sound of it. You are doing so, you’re there on weekends?

She has started doing things like helping me with the washing and putting it in the machine, or she sits on my lap whilst i sit on the floor and i'm loading the machine, she said she wanted to go to the library the other day actually, she is such a little book worm!

@pinkstripeycat

My mum worked full time and at weekends did the housework and washing. My Nan picked us kids up from school and had us for most holidays altho 2 weeks in the summer we were on hols with our mum. My Nan was more like my mum and I definitely missed out on having my own mum around a lot. I don’t think mum failed us but I wish she’d been around a lot more. Makes me sad even now and I’m in my 50s

What did you hope to achieve by posting this? Genuinely curious.

The OP has fought to get her daughter out of an abusive situation and heroically is supporting her on her own without any help, through hard work. What would you have her do? What do you think the impact will be on the self esteem of someone who is giving their all to a beloved child but has to work to support them?

Someone else posted upthread that your feelings are "valid". Maybe but in a situation like this with someone who has been through so much, I think you would do everyone (including yourself) a favour by keeping your valid feelings to yourself.

OP you're a bloody rock star. You've done a brave thing getting your daughter away from an abusive situation.

Your daughter will thank you for this and for the example you are setting her.

Do not let yourself be derailed by these thoughts and don't beat yourself up about trying to do the best for her.

I was brought up by a single mum and my dad was abusive; I still don't know how she did it. Hats off to you.

I know what you mean about lacking headspace; I have that problem without single-parenting. But please be kinder to yourself. You sound like a great mum to me.

@Desario

She has started doing things like helping me with the washing and putting it in the machine, or she sits on my lap whilst i sit on the floor and i'm loading the machine, she said she wanted to go to the library the other day actually, she is such a little book worm!

Being a bookworm is thankfully something that's easy to encourage thanks to libraries still being a thing. Also join your local reduce, reuse, recycle group on Facebook (create a dummy profile just for local stuff if you're not a social media fan). Folk on ours are always popping things like children's books on there. I've just given away over 40 books suitable for children around 4/5 years old.

You sound like you're doing a great job. Your daughter is well cared for and has time with you on the weekends. As she grows older and you shed the debts built up creating your better life the balance will get easier too.

I think we all get parent guilt for all sorts of reasons, the trick is not letting it define your relationships which is admittedly easier said than done but worth persevering with.

Thank you beautiful people. So lovely to see all the nice comments.. I feel really guilty all the time but I guess all I have to do is look at her and know she's happy and safe and well cared for x