Ex H (still not divorced, hopefully will be finalised soon) and I split up nearly 3 years ago. I have been in a relationship for the past 2 and a bit, he is a wonderful man and we have a great relationship and I feel extremely lucky to have met someone like him, he is very different to ex h.
Ex h and I had a messy breakup, if you look back through my threads some of it comes up in my posts, he stalked me, hid a camera in my bedroom for a year among many other things. He was very controlling but in subtle ways other people unless really really close to me didn't noticed. He is a huge liar and still constantly lies about the most random stuff now. We now coparent well enough for our 2 children.
When I met my now partner, it was still quite close to our separation and ex h didn't take well to it at all, to the point he even went into partners work to spread lies about me and him. He still hates him. 2 years ago he set out many rules about him meeting our children, only after at least a year, never in my (MY!) house, not near bedtime etc etc etc...! I agreed at the time, I didn't realise at the time but I had been conditioned by his controlling behaviour, gaslighting and now from what I have been told narcissistic personality trails, not the disorder itself. In the end, we waited 18 months for him to meet my children, and only then it's been v brief meetings, in the park etc. Even at this point it's not much more than that, he's been over to my house when they've been here twice for about 15 minutes and that's it.
Over last couple years Ex h has been in quite a few "relationships". One finished about 4/5 months ago, and now there is someone else who also has a child. My ds told me that the other week they all spent the day together at a festival. I immediately bought this up with ex, not getting angry, but calmly said this was huge double standards and my partner and I have been together over 2 years and has barely met them, mainly because of the rules he insisted on and also partly because a lot of the legal stuff of my divorce is not finalised and I am worried about angering him..!(because he has form for this). He eventually told me they'd met her previously, and now they often do things together and go out for food etc, normal things which my partner and I have not yet done again because of ex h "rules" and how he gets with me when anything upsets him, he is very difficult. He tried to tell me that they actually started seeing each other a long time ago, but I know of at least 2 other relationships he's had during this time frame.
I'm just so sick of being manipulated by him like I have been for so many years, I don't know what to say or even how to stand up for myself when I'm scared of how he'll react and how that could effect the very complicated legal side of our divorce.
AIBU to just be so so sick of his behaviour? He treats me with no respect, I could list for days the things he's done over the last 3 years.