AIBU to ask how busy are your children during the holidays if you are a SAHM?

[Siadthisidea214]

Just wondering if our activity levels are normal. I have four DC : 18,15,11 & 9.
We try and do at least one thing every day - swimming, cycling, meeting friends, sport activity, day out etc then get home for dinner time. We then tend to have at least one afternoon or sometimes day where we aren't out and we stay in. Are parents who stay at home with children of similar ages the same as this? It's been commented a few times that we are too busy and my children don't have enough "down" time. When we aren't out and about they all turn into phone and iPad zombies so I like to get them outside so they don't. Is this normal or am I being too prescriptive and busy?

I’m not a SAHM but work in a school so have holidays off, we are out the house pretty much 7-8 hours every day and my kids are much younger! I hate hanging around the house. I do the same on the 2 days I don’t work in the week.

At 18 & 15 I'd expect them to make their own activities with friends. My children are younger and we do a couple of activities a week when I'm not working and they also like to be at home playing with their friends on the street.

I only have one child and also make sure we go out once a day, but my child is very much a homebird and very happy being at home playing in her room or doing something with me. This means our outing might only be a walk into the village and the play park for an hour!

The older two should be off doing their own thing mostly.

The younger two.... great to be active but also good to encourage them to be able to occupy themselves at home without resorting to screens constantly at that age.

I think it depends on personalities. I don't have kids yet but my mum worked term time only, during the holidays we did maybe 2-3 days out a week (and not necessarily a full 8 hours out the house either). I like being at home doing crafts/jigsaws/playing games/watching tv, and needed some down time doing nothing before returning to school

But I see lots of people on here say they go 'stir crazy' if they are at home all day, so for these people going out and being busy is best for them

My younger two are 11 and 8 and we probably do similar to you OP. (Like a PP I work in a school so to all intents and purposes I’m a SAHM in the holidays). As long as they are getting some down time each day, I think a daily or even twice daily outing is fine. We all go a bit bonkers if we stay in all day.

I’m slightly gobsmacked though that you are getting your (adult) 18yo and 15yo to schlep along for all these activities. I also have a 17yo and, aside from the occasional family day, visit to relatives or meal out, he more or less does his own thing during the holidays now. I’d actually be worried if he wanted to trek along for every bike ride and park visit with his younger siblings and would far rather he hung out with his mates, either in person or online. They are naturally supposed to want to separate a little from the family scene by late teens are they not? Is there a particular reason you insist on your older DC coming along?

Aside from that though I see nothing wrong at all with that kind of schedule for your younger two.

Thanks all. The 18 + 15 yr old are out the house with friends, doing activities not with me and our DS11 and DD9. When we have family meetups sometimes the 18 yr old will come along but I'm mostly taxiing them as we live very rurally with only one bus a day and miles from town. No train link close either. So a typical day might be dropping DS 18 at a skate park, or friend's house or what have you and then the same with 15 yr old. Any bike rides etc are usually 11 & 9 yr old.

We are similar - kids are 15,13 and 10.
DS1 gets really grumpy if we do nothing!

Sounds a bit mental exhausting for you and them. I’d say ideally summer holidays should also mean some quiet time at home without it automatically becoming screen time. Particularly the younger ones- time to play, use their imagination, get absorbed in something for a while, all really important for mental development and wellbeing.

@underneaththeash I get the grumpy behaviour then they argue so I try and keep them busy

@Siadthisidea214

Thanks all. The 18 + 15 yr old are out the house with friends, doing activities not with me and our DS11 and DD9. When we have family meetups sometimes the 18 yr old will come along but I'm mostly taxiing them as we live very rurally with only one bus a day and miles from town. No train link close either. So a typical day might be dropping DS 18 at a skate park, or friend's house or what have you and then the same with 15 yr old. Any bike rides etc are usually 11 & 9 yr old.

Ah, that makes more sense! In that case, all sounds fairly typical for most of the kids I know.

(I have the same issues with younger two wanting to be glued to screens if we are in. I do encourage other activities - playing in garden, craft, reading, drawing etc - but often it's just easier to arrange an outing and then chill when we get home).

It's been commented a few times that we are too busy and my children don't have enough "down" time

I get this. We do a lot more than you describe; not working means there’s loads of time to do stuff with the kids - and we always find loads of stuff to do! You know what’s right for your own kids; some are higher energy than others. If your kids are happy with the schedule you have, then it’s probably exactly right.

We usually spend the morning out and the afternoon in as we both like relaxing at home. However we are flexible. For example tomorrow is a play village just the two of us and then cinema with friends in the afternoon.

I do try and make sure DS gets downtime every day but that is because it is important to him and if we have too many busy days he asks for a lazy day where we don't go out at all.

I would do the same in your shoes. I work so the kids are at various camps or play dates etc. However if I was a SAHM and had the whole holidays to fill I would also be out and about most days having fun (or at least tiring the little buggers out).

Mine are 8,3&2 and we’ve done something every day, except one day in the house when we had a large furniture delivery.

I only have Ds aged 9 (and dd aged 18 but she does her own thing) but we do something everyday, even if it’s just a walk into town and a costa or something like that. We’ve done zoos, parks, museums, forests etc etc. I’d go mad otherwise. Then we’re usually home in the afternoon to chill out and screen time etc.

Mine are younger but yes we’re out in some way or other most days, though often just an hour at the park with a friend or an hour swimming. Maybe once or twice a week we’ll do a whole “bigger” day out, especially as we haven’t gone on a holiday as such this year. I have built in a few zombie/screen/total slob days though - it’s nice occasionally to do very little and just let them play with toys and watch tv. They self regulate with screens quite well - binge for a day or two at the start of the holidays and then mostly choose a mixture of things to do at home including crafts, toys, playing with each other, “projects” and yes some screen time too. I’d go insane being out all day every day and they’d be exhausted!

Mine are younger but I take the dcs out every day, and we have days out as a family (with DH) every Saturday and Sunday. We're in London so there's so much to do, including new activities and play areas that I want to try out, so we have to plan it all out (and lots of things need advance booking, even if they're free). After months of lockdown I vowed to make sure we make the most of being in the capital and visit all the places we really missed, and going to some places that we'd never got around to visiting. We don't have any days where we don't go out at all. They play at home in the morning before going out, and late afternoon after we're home.

Thanks for all the replies thus far. I am enjoying hearing from both sides and I actually feel we do what is right for us as a family. I should have said SAHP in my post so sorry to all the stay at home dads and GPs this might have left out.

I know what those of you mean when you say it's good to have a day just slobbing around though coz we don't really have days like that unless we are physically ill and can't go out so I think we could add in a day like that just for variety.

DH and I are very active and I think sitting in for a day doing nothing would be difficult unless we absolutely had to. We have two large (labrador and golden retriever) dogs that need exercising so we need to do what's right for them also.

I think there is an urge to do lots after being able to do so little from lockdown COVID times.

I’d be interested if your younger 2 can entertain themselves without your intervention. What do they do if you’re at home and you say no more screens without laying on entertainment?