Who would you choose in this scenario

[perfectasalways]

My son was furloughed last March and was eventually made redundant about 4 months ago. He hasn't done much during that time at all. He's trying to get an internet business off the ground but he hasn't made any money doing this. He sleeps until at least lunchtime. I have now told him he needs to get a job (he's 25) and start contributing to the house. The issue is he has very long hair - it has no style and looks straggly. If you were an employer would you employ him. His field is Digital Media, which I suspect isn't customer facing but I just wanted a general consensus - would you employ someone who looked smart as if they take care of themselves or someone who had long straggly hair?

Presumably he would tie it up for an interview?

Its his hair, and his choice really, no point getting a bunch of people to agree with you (which you're clearly trying to do with your choice of language) so you can try to force him to cut his hair.

Yanbu to tell him to get a job and to contribute though.

It's not his hair that's the problem, OP, it's his pizazz, vibrancy, spirit that sounds low.

If he was confident and bright with straggly hair, he'd pull it off.

Sounds like he's very down - is he? Touch situation for you too, with an adult in the house who hasn't got any drive.

What does Digital Media mean? Does he create digital content or is it digital marketing? Either way, I don’t think his hair would have much to do with getting a job. His experience, skills and performance at interview would all be much more impirtndht factors.

Is he generally unkempt? That’s quite off putting I imagine but long hair which is clean and tidy shouldn’t be an issue. Would he accept a trip to the barber for a trim, shave/ beard tidy?

I also agree he sounds quite down so I’d tread carefully.

Know 2 young lads of similar age with long hair/ pony tails/ dyed wtc..both have no bother getting jobs as both changed to more money jobs during Covid. Both in technology type work where l think its all about competency. Could he sign up to a recruiting firm? Maybe he doesn't really know how to push himself forward. Recently my ds was doing an interview on Zoom and the whole emphasis was on his present job..not interested in his education or l presume his looks just what he could actually do. Hopefully a recruiter would find him a job. Maybe might even advise about presentation!!

I would employ whoever did best at interview regardless of hair

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo has it right I think. Long hair isn't the issue, its the lack of optimism/motivation. Digital media people are pretty relaxed about people not dressing to a typically conservative "office attire" standard. It sounds as if he is not projecting motivation or confidence.

I can understand that this is frustrating for you and you can't tolerate this indefinitely. But would you be prepared for him to do something like an unpaid internship or a course which got him more relevant experience? That way he's working towards something he can use to find work he actually wants to do, rather than doing something purely to bring in money which will make him resentful. Appreciate this might put you in a difficult position financially but if you can afford it it might be worth thinking about.

I know someone that chopped his long hair off for an important interview, gets to the interview and the hiring manager has long hair! I know many successful men in a variety of industries with long hair. He needs to been well presented, clean and tidy for an interview but I really don’t think the length of his hair matters. Could he be depressed though? Not taking care of himself, lack of motivation and sleeping a lot could be signs of depression.

My son has long hair and a big beard. He ties the hair back for work and gets the beard professionally groomed regularly. He has been promoted regularly at work, and the hair has never seemed to hold him back professionally.

I think if your son has a professional attitude, wears smart clothes and his hair is clean and tied back then it shouldn't affect his chances at all, particularly in a modern field like digital media.

Thanks for all your replies - I have tried to motivate him with is online business, mentioned maybe going back and doing another college course but he won't do it. It is a real struggle - we would all love to lie in our bed until lunchtime but we can't. I had similar issues with my other two sons and they now have jobs and houses/flats. I just want him to have a bit of drive and ambition - what he doing at the moment is really just playing about. I listen to him for endless hours and he says he's not down but his self esteem can't be great if he's not working. I think he would feel a whole lot better with a shorter haircut, not necessarily short but it probably hasn't been touched in two years.

My son has long hair. He twists it into a bun for work, uses conditioner and has it trimmed every 3 months or so to keep it in good condition. He has a good graduate job so it's been ok for him. (I prefer it short, but that's not the point.) He is always properly clean shaven.

He's 25, let him work it out on his own. Tell him he needs to pay rent and let him discover the rest on his own. He is the way he because you let him.

Long hair ok
Long scraggly hair not so
It’s very competitive in the job market and so he does need to go for a bit of a trim to stand a chance

In my last university posting I worked on a project where we visited a lot of people who worked in digital media. Mostly very small indie companies and self employed people in their twenties and thirties. Not at all the "suited and booted" crowd. Going for an interview in that arena I dont think having long hair is a barrier to employment so long as he looks neat and clean and presents well. Employers will be (hopefully) looking for certain skills and experience and will see past a certain "geeky" appearance in a young person.

Long hair has nothing to do with anything.

Or is he generally scruffy?

My DH has had several successful management/high level software jobs and has waist length hair.

I agree with the suggestion of tying it back or putting it into a bun - he needs to present a smart, professional appearance.

My long haired DH was hired to good jobs in IT fields several times in his younger days (he still has a good IT job but his hair is now shorter).
As long as your son washes/brushes his hair (and body and clothing) it shouldn't be an issue.