I’m posting this for whoever needs to read it. I’ve been a carer to two immediate family members in recent years. It’s emotionally, physically and mentally draining. I lost one of them, and at about to lose the other. I know from experience that as soon as he passes, everyone will extend their sympathy and ask what they can do to help.
I just want to say, please, if you know someone who is a carer of any sort, offer them that help before their loved one dies or becomes more unwell. “Carer” doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re looking after someone 24/7, it can mean so many different things. Many carers like me don’t like to ask for help because we feel like a burden on people. But quite honestly, when the loved one is gone it’s sometimes too late :-(
The kindest things people can to help a carer are the smallest things that they hadn’t even thought of. If you can, try to take a little burden off them. Pick up their kids from school or invite them for a play date, walk their dog, offer to pop in with a takeaway and a bottle of wine rather than just asking them out for a drink or taking food round, what are you good at that they might like? Tiny things mean a lot.
What would mean a lot to me is if someone asked if they could come to visit my loved one whilst they were alive, not simply to pay their respects out of some kind of sense of duty after they were dead. They may be ill, but it’s not something to be scared of they are still a human being and would love the company, and I would love for my friends to know them before they pass. I know many people don’t want to do this, but if you feel you could it would mean so much. Someone visiting my loved one now would mean 100 times more than them coming to the funeral, because that one visit could make their day / week / month, when maybe they have a lot of time on their own.
To everyone who is a carer, my heart goes out to you for all the unseen work and worry that you’re coping with 