To be envious sometimes of my DP

[LBirch02]

To cut a long story short as I’ve got older I realise how dysfunctional my family was - mother drinking and aggressive towards me, father enabling. My partner had a really happy family and childhood - popular at school etc while I was bullied and unpopular. Looking back my childhood was a nightmare while his was ‘blessed’ and had lots of opportunities. He had also had no weight problems- if anything needs to put weight on!! Aargh!!!

I grew up with a dysfunctional family and had a bad time at secondary school. It was super painful. I think it's normal to feel envious. It's just a feeling though and therapy helped me stop making myself feel worse for feeling what I do.

Thanks for your response - dysfunctional families are so difficult to navigate

On one hand it is normal to feel envious.
I had a pretty dire father and it was a fairly dysfunctional growing up.
Sometimes i see fathers with their daughters old and young and feel a pang...

My sibling is/was very damaged by it too and it has impacted our relationship. They never moved past it.
It was really hard at times and its normal to think.. why me? Why was he like that? Why couldnt we have all been happy?
I carried a lot of anger in my early 20s

But on the other hand i decided a while back i would just not to let my childhood define me. I was determined to live a good and happy life.
I focus and put energy into being happy despite me being a few stone overweight finding the joy in daily things and living my life to the fullest with my (carefully chosen and wonderful) DH.

I found looking to the future really helped me let go and move on. I also never use my past as an excuse for any kind of behaviour or blame it for any outcome.
My sibling on the other hand uses our childhood as a handy excuse for most of their problems and really lets it defines them at times - super sad but a good reminder not to do the same

I think it's normal to be honest. I also grew up with a dysfunctional family - we were so blocked off from the real world that I didn't realise how dysfunctional we were until I met DH and his family. They fight, make up, share secrets, problems, stories, banter. My jaw hit the floor the first time I heard DH joking with my FIL. It makes me feel sad for my younger self, but I now have in laws who love me and my losses makes me appreciate them more.

BabyShower

I can totally relate to your post except I’m an only child especially the “why me?” bit!

crochetandcoffee

I can so relate to your post re the finding out late - that family is dysfunctional and also very much the lack of ‘sharing’ anything. When a huge traumatic row had developed between us in the house - my mum’s next door neighbour said to me (mum wasn’t there) “the problem your family is you were never together” - even when all 3 of us in same house