To struggle with teens/pre-teens in the holidays?

[figwine]

I hope this won't sound too self-pitying but I am struggling today with the reality of a summer holiday with a 12 and 14 year olds as a single parent and I think yearning for how holidays used to be. I just think the amount of screen they have had is appalling yet I just feel so apathetic and unequal to the task of getting them off it.

We have had a week away, which was lovely overall, as well as a one-night city break. While away screen is in the car only and maybe in the evening, but the journeys have been long so even that's a lot. Then at home it's really just screen. Neither are keen on meeting up with people in the flesh and both have only done so a couple of times over the holiday, though ds1 has played sport a few times as well. Then it's mainly just screen. They are both early risers so up at 7 or 8 at the latest despite going to bed at 10ish asleep by 11ish. I feel it wouldn't be so bad if they got up late as it's such a lot of time to fill.

We are having the bathroom redone and complications have arisen with that meaning it's taken longer than it should and stressed me a fair bit - though it's nothing disastrous really but I tend to catastrophise and it's gone over-budget. As a result I've had to cancel a 3-day trip we had planned for next week as it won't be done til Wednesday. Then they are off to their dad's Friday so all I can see is screen, screen, screen ahead while I sort shit out and then our family holiday is over.

Every day I think I'll get them off it but ds2 in particular is so resistant and it's not as if I've got stuff lined up for him that he wants to do. In previous years I've done stuff like only two hours in a sitting and you must go outside, read, do a chore and one other activity before going on, but that doesn't seem to have worked this year and I think lockdowns kind of took away all sense of limits with screen and I've struggled to get it back. Ds1 is more likely to come and talk to me or watch a film (still screen I know) but ds2 would be on Roblox with friends neverendingly. We've played a few board games and he's done some baking and reading but what else is there? In all honesty I'd just like to sort my shit out. read, come on here and get ready for going back to work (teacher) so leave him to it. But then I feel enormous guilt.

Can someone give me a kick or something?

I feel your pain. I have a 13 year old and a 15 year old (plus 3 little ones) and the older 2 mainly want to do screens. We have done a few things, paddle boarding, kayaking and a trip to a theme park but most things I've offered get refused.

Mine are 14 and 15 and I’ve hardly seen them. They’ve been out with friends most days. When at home though they are on their phones or the PlayStation.b as long as they get out a few days a week I’m not bothered.

I have Ds 14 and DD 12. DD isn't a worry re screens. Her use is more drawing with procreate whilst listening to audible. She's had an awkward year friendship wise in year 7, hasn't got many close friends so hasn't really been out meeting up with anyone.
DS is quite different though. It's just Xbox all day. I could tell him I've booked a surprise trip to Alton towers and I think he'd still have to be cajoled into going. He has got friends locally and sometimes they go out to play football, but he comes back within an hour saying it was 'boring' or' 'too hot/cold'. Any suggestion of revision had gone down like a lead balloon.

However, every summer there are posts on MN about teens not doing much other than screens and the general consensus is that most of them are that way.

I think we parents feel so guilty because our summers we're quite different. Mine certainly was.

Thanks all. Yes, I definitely know they're not the only ones because their friends are obviously on as well!

I just feel guilty not just because they're on, but because I can't really think of ways to get them off or muster the energy. It's good to know we're not alone .

Mine are the same. On screens most of the time at home.

DD 14 out and about with friends, just rushes out saying she'll be back later. DS 15 spends most of his time gaming with friends goes out occasionally but not as often

God, I wish they would go out! I have offered to pay for drinks, food, tickets for whatever they want but it's always turned down. Ds1 has neve gone out much and ds2 used to spend hours at the park but now, with the same friendship group largely, prefers virtual socialising. He is in a group where he is one of two boys and I think some of the girls sometimes have sleepovers but he is never invited, nor just for 'tea', or whatever they call that nowadays.

Whenever I suggest ds1 goes out he always dismisses it and says only 'wannabe roadmen,' 'idiots', 'girls' or 'consumerists' do whatever I have suggested. He can be hard work...

I hear you. My ds is 13...I can barely get him to leave the house. I miss the days when we'd go to the park every day and have trips out

It's the stage they are at. It won't last forever. Don't waste your energy worrying about it as it will only stress you more. Could you all watch a movie together so at least it's family time. It's difficult sometimes to enter the battle as it takes so much energy. Mine are in their 20s now. Thought when they were on screens a lot they would turn out to be couch potato zombies but they are fine..degrees/ jobs/ lots of friends/ no interest in gaming just watching sport/ pretty active/ into the outdoors/ fairly civilised overall so don't panic it will be OK.
I was probably stricter on my eldest but had run our of steam by my third and he gamed much more. There is no difference between the two of them now.