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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 hour flight to in laws

27 replies

Mamibaer · 21/08/2021 12:21

My in laws live an 8 hour flight away. We haven’t seen them since before Covid and our son is now 2.5. They want us to come and visit, but I just can’t bear the thought of flying so far at the moment - there are no night flights, so he’d be awake virtually the whole time, maybe with an hours nap. Airlines aren’t keen on people moving around the planes at the moment so I just think it would be complete torture. Couple of hours TV but then what? The in laws are in good health and could absolutely come to us. AIBU for not wanting to fly there?

OP posts:
BeardieWeirdie · 21/08/2021 12:54

Sounds like hell for you and all the other poor buggers having to endure a two-year-old on a plane!

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 21/08/2021 12:58

Just tell them it isn't viable to travel with a toddler but they are very welcome to visit you...
Stay firm.

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2021 12:59

8 hours is way too long with a small child IMO. My sister did 3 with an 18 month old and said that was too long.
I can understand them wanting to see their grandchild after so long but they need to come to you-is that possible?

EatSprayGlove · 21/08/2021 13:01

We have similar although flight isn't too long. Pre covid we always went but my DH would walk the babies up and down so I agree without being able to leave your seats this would be really hard. I found the toddler years the hardest for flying. Do your in laws need a visa to travel? Ours can't visit as they would need a visa and then someone to pick them up/drop off at the airport each way which is a 6 hour min round trip this side of the flight alone so it's always been easier for us to fly to them.

Serenschintte · 21/08/2021 13:05

Have you invited them to come to you?

CremeEggThief · 21/08/2021 13:12

As long as they are aware that they're welcome to visit you, then I do think it's selfish of them to expect this of you.

Unfortunately, families and friends are often very selfish and expect the person who has moved away from "home" (your dp in this case) to do most of the travelling back, regardless of their circumstances.

minionsrule · 21/08/2021 13:13

We flew long haul with ds every year from 6 months, early years it was a 12 hour flight then we started breaking it up between 2 flights, still 6 hours on one and 7 hours on another.
We mostly did night flights though or mix of night and morning when we did a stopover.
You may find he sleeps anyway for part of it at that age, depends on the timings.
If you take lots of stuff to do and they show kids programmes on the screens you may find he is ok, might be knackered when he gets there though.

PeonyTime · 21/08/2021 13:21

It's one of the things you will just have to get used to if your child is to have a relationship with that set of grandparents.

You dont get much sleep on a night flight when travelling with small children!

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 13:22

We've always flown with the kids from being babies and never had to walk any of them up and down the aisles.

iPads come in handy of course and snacks!

yellowsofa · 21/08/2021 13:23

What do you think expats do? It's very manageable.
But if you don't want to go then that's different.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 13:23

Daytime flights are better too I find. Hard to get a decent nights sleep sat upright in a chair!

Cornishmumofone · 21/08/2021 13:40

It's really not that long. He'll probably find take off and landing interesting. Meals will take up another chunk of time. Allow him to watch as much TV as he likes and pack some sweets, new small toys and sticker books.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 21/08/2021 13:43

The thing is if you travel first you risk setting The Norm.
Suggest as ds is still small they travel to you and you will travel next year....

KatieB55 · 21/08/2021 13:50

I regularly did 12 hrs flights on my own from when kids were 2, 4 and 6. Pack a little backpack with new little toys, books and treats. There are usually children's programmes on the tv screens and they will sleep. Mine loved the meals. Air crew were always really helpful when I needed to go to toilet.

FartnissEverbeans · 21/08/2021 14:06

We live in the Middle East and before Covid we flew back every summer. it’s an 8-hour flight from where we are, plus (usually) an hour to the airport.

1-2 years old is the worst time imo, but it’s manageable - albeit not easy. All my friends do it with their kids.

If you decide to do so, we bought a Britax Romer car seat which is approved for use on planes. That helped a lot.

Aprilx · 21/08/2021 14:48

It’s the same distance both ways, neither of you should be more or less obligated than the other. Two year olds frequently take flights.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 14:53

Send your DH with DS then if you don’t want to go. Or pay for their flights and they do the travelling, obviously they need to be willing to take the covid risks though and they may not want too.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 14:53

Is it about "obligation"? They're family, I imagine everyone (except the OP possibly) would like to see each other.

Kids fly all the time, they are capable of sitting in one place with the right amount of entertainment for a few hours.

SometimesMaybe · 21/08/2021 14:55

If my children hadn’t seen their grandparents for 2 years I would be moving heaven and earth to do it. It might be tough, but surely short term pain for long term gain?
We DC were little (under 5) we lived a 6 hour flight away and did it twice a year. After the nervousness of the first time it was ok and worth it to maintain a relationship with family. Agree though that 15 months - 2 years is the trickiest but you just have to have all the tricks up your sleeve and stay calm.

  • ipad
  • nap (the hum in the plane and motion very helpful so they often sleep for longer
  • stickers
  • trip to toilet
  • snacks/food
  • card games (pairs etc)
  • new toy/s
  • more snacks (stuff like Cheerios that takes ages to eat)
Original poster
Mamibaer · 21/08/2021 15:28

Thanks for all the replies everyone. It’s not about me not wanting to fly to visit the in laws - we flew a few times when my son was tiny to see them. And also my parents, who are in another country but not as far. But now that he’s 2 and it’s Covid times things are different. We took him on a short 1.5 hour flight a few weeks ago. It was extremely hard work keeping him sitting while the seatbelt light was on, and they announced before take off to please not stand up even for the bathroom until the toilet light shows it’s free. So there’s so much pressure to stay sitting these days and I am just dreading it, for me and the other passengers

OP posts:
pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 16:26

Was the trip to see your parents then?

Some things are hard but they're also worth doing. I'd do it in a heartbeat particularly after seeing what can happen in this past year or so

Yahtze · 21/08/2021 16:34

It's not fun but it can certainly be done. We've done a 7 hour flight there and back every summer since the kids were small. My youngest was 2 last summer. It's just the price you pay if you want the kids to have a good relationship with that side. No matter how awful it is just 8 hours of your life.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 21/08/2021 17:26

Just ask them to come to you?

MatildaTheCat · 21/08/2021 17:34

You don’t say how long the visit would be or if you’ll have a nice time there or if they could come to you but if the only thing stopping you is the difficulty of flying with a toddler then yabu. Look at it as one very long and tedious day at work. Not to be looked forward to but necessary.

MissyB1 · 21/08/2021 17:40

We have often flown to the in laws in South Africa (12 hour flight) with ds since he was born, including when he was 2, however that’s an overnight flight.

I would explain to them that it’s easier for them to come to you, and you look forward to seeing them.