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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a weekly lie-in?

20 replies

OrangeElk · 21/08/2021 09:33

Partner and I have no children, both work full-time however I do a traditional Mon-Fri while his is less structured.

5 days a week I drag myself out of my cosy, lovely bed to get to work, whilst doing this I tell myself it's nearly the weekend...

However, partner is not somebody who has a lie in and this has translated into ruining mine. On a Saturday I wake naturally at 8ish, get up to feed cat and make tea but like to go back to bed to read and relax until 10ish. He either gets up and starts doing housework which makes me feel guilty, or tries to also lie in but seems stressed/bored.

Sunday I'll get up whenever unless I didn't get a lie-in on Saturday, in which case I roll it over.

I feel like as a working adult with no responsibilities this is fine? He could go off and do his own thing but he radiates stress/judgement about me being in bed, and when we joke about it in the week he lightly, but definitely, implies I'm lazy.

Surely a lie in is ok once a week? Hell, I'd have two a week if I didn't have a fun thing to do on Sunday mornings. I'm getting annoyed and feel a little suffocated since we moved in together that a personal choice like that is even under discussion/judgment. I just want to tell him to bugger off out if he can't mind his own business.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 21/08/2021 09:34

Why can’t you say this to him?

HandScreen · 21/08/2021 09:37

I mean, you can't be so controlling that you dictate he can't do housework while you're in bed...let him get on with his thing and you get on with yours. You feeling "guilty" is a you problem, have a chat with yourself.

gurglebelly · 21/08/2021 09:42

My DH bounces out of bed as soon as his eyes open, and immediately starts 'doing'. He's not judging me having a lie in but it makes me feel guilty knowing he's downstairs doing housework while I'm laying in bed reading.

So I talked to him about it, and it turns out he doesn't like staying in bed but he had no issues with me doing so. I was essentially making myself feel guilty, so I got over that and enjoy my weekend lie in!

Original poster
OrangeElk · 21/08/2021 09:43

I mean, he 'pointedly' does housework on a Saturday morning, he didn't do this before we lived together!

I have talked to him as stated in post, and it stays jokey but the I just wondered if it really is unreasonable to have a weekly lie in?

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeElk · 21/08/2021 09:44

Ah, that's helpful @gurglebelly! Hopefully it is just me then... Will talk

OP posts:
HandScreen · 21/08/2021 09:44

It's not unreasonable to have a lie-in. It's unreasonable to make demands about what he does. You feeling highly strung when he's pottering is a you problem.

AChickenCalledDaal · 21/08/2021 09:47

Well I'm still lying around in my pj's at 9:46 so I'd have to say no, a weekly lie-in is not an unreasonable thing.

sirfredfredgeorge · 21/08/2021 09:53

I mean, he 'pointedly' does housework on a Saturday morning, he didn't do this before we lived together!

Well no, but that's 'cos it wasn't a convenient time - it now is a convenient time 'cos he's up and you're in bed, it may be pointedly, but it sounds just like he's occupying himself when you're in bed. It would probably be better if he took up cycling and got out of the house to make you feel less guilty, but it's the right time to do housework too if the noise doesn't bother you.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 21/08/2021 09:58

I think you have to be straight with him. Tell him you are going to have a lie in every week and no amount of huffing about is going to change it. I know you can't dictate what he does during that time but he shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable either.

magicstar1 · 21/08/2021 10:01

Ignore him if he does housework. We got a dog last year, and she needs to be walked early in the mornings. Weekdays are fine as were up for work. Saturday DH gets up, I lie in while he walks her, feeds her, and does us a big breakfast....sometimes I’ll have it in bed.
Sunday we reverse it...it’s only fair. That’s unless he’s arranged to go out on his motorbike - then as he’s up anyway, he walks her and I stay in bed again. Win, win.

Anoisagusaris · 21/08/2021 10:02

Ignore him doing the housework to make his point and enjoy your lie in.

milian · 21/08/2021 10:05

Mine is similar - not naturally a lier-in. I still do it - please continue to do it too, it’s one of life’s joys!

LannieDuck · 21/08/2021 10:06

How do you know he's doing housework when you're in bed? Is he making loads of noise to sabotage your lie-in?

Zzzzfthg · 21/08/2021 10:08

I definitely wouldn't feel guilty about lying in just because my partner didn't want to! Without kids I would do exactly the same as you but wouldn't expect him to aswell. I'd let him get on with it and enjoy your lie in.Smile

MisdemeanorOnTheFloor · 21/08/2021 10:28

Yeah, tell him you want a lie in and to keep it down!! No need to feel guilty! If he is deliberately trying to wake you, that's a different matter and tell him to stop in no uncertain terms!
I had this issue, other way round. Pre-baby, my husband lay in until midday. I was bouncing off the walls by 7, so I used to (quietly!) get my gym kit on and burn off energy in a few spin classes.

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 21/08/2021 10:40

I don't think you really need to come on here to ask if it's unreasonable to want one lie in a week, i'm sure you already know that it's not. I think the problem is you are struggling with feeling guilty for staying in bed while he's busy and that is exasperated by him "jokingly" implying that you're lazy. I think you need to talk to him in a serious manner and say that it is ofcourse fine for him to get up early if he chooses but you like to lay in when you don't need to get up for work or other things. Tell him that his remarks have upset you and made you question yourself which isn't fair. Having a lie in does NOT make you a lazy person. Enjoy your lie ins when you can have them!

memberofthewedding · 21/08/2021 10:54

The older I get the less guilty I have felt about having a lie in one morning a week!

MindyStClaire · 21/08/2021 11:02

Have a chat, it may just be preference, I know my mum loves to get up at stupid o'clock and have a cup of tea and breakfast watching the news and pottering around the kitchen. If he is judging then make clear it's a very normal thing, that he is welcome to do as he wants but you won't be feeling guilty about it, and you don't expect him to be doing housework etc and are happy to do half later on.

Sunstar16 · 21/08/2021 11:09

This is why I like my DH playing golf. He has to be up for 5.30 every weekday so sees 7 am as a lie in. Today he was away to golf at half 7 and will be back in half an hour. This gives me a chance for a lie in and a coffee in peace whilst watching on of my favourite shows. Today it was New Amsterdam Smile

namechange30455 · 21/08/2021 11:09

Yes I quite like getting up before DP one day at the weekend, pottering round sticking a load of washing on and drinking my coffee quietly!

Unless you think it's pass agg housework he's doing then I don't really see there's a problem here, but just talk to him about it.

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