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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Bf dropped his son home then stayed with his ex till 2am getting pissed

37 replies

Jengachamp · 20/08/2021 15:14

As title says.. we've been together nearly year. I have 2 older children. He has DS (4). He sometimes pops in to his exs when he drops his son off for a bit but last night forgot his phone then came back at 2am drunk having stayed there from 9pm.
I don't think there's anything going on as such, although she isn't in a relationship (and he was her first bf) they were together 10 years. Myself and her have never had a conversation (seen her at drop off etc).
He says I should trust him and now isn't talking to me as I said going forward I see it as non negotiable that he doesn't stay round there getting pissed at nigh,t as I feel its disrespectful to me and our relationship, even if nothing is going on as such (background: apparently their DS was up and she lives with her mum, and this was quite a common thing for them to do in the past I think).
Other than this we have been really happy and he's lovely to me and my kids. (we did have words in the early months as he was going out getting wasted and coming back to mine but hes not been like that in recent months)

Thoughts?

OP posts:

InFiveMins · 20/08/2021 19:29

I wouldn't like it. Something probably didn't happen, but the fact he stayed there til 2am shows he wants to spend time with her and she wants to spend time with him. And they have history. And I can imagine after a few drinks, the talk could quite easily turn to "remember when........." and before you know it, they are back together. You should still be in a 'honeymoon phase' and wanting to spend time together - the fact he's spending time late at night at hers is not a good sign IMO.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/08/2021 19:32

He might not be actually fucking her right now but damn straight he wants to.

If you had to be on at him to stop him coming home wasted, he will probably slide into bad habits again before long, I'd walk away from this one its red flag central

category12 · 20/08/2021 19:35

So you've been together less than a year.

in the early months as he was going out getting wasted and coming back to mine but hes not been like that in recent months

Except he's reverted to that behaviour , getting pissed and rolling home in the early morning.

How many months did he actually stop doing it?

He doesn't sound like a great partner and do you really need your dc exposed to this kind of behaviour?

WildfirePonie · 20/08/2021 20:23

YABU for staying with him and acting as a free babysitter whilst he gets pissed with his ex.

Charley50 · 20/08/2021 21:25

I don't think OP was babysitting? Wasn't it that he dropped his DC back at his exes and stayed there till late?

QueenBee52 · 20/08/2021 21:54

@Charley50

I don't think OP was babysitting? Wasn't it that he dropped his DC back at his exes and stayed there till late?

he dropped his child with OP.. realised he'd left his phone (aye right 🙄) and went back to get it.. staying there til 2am drinking with his ex 😏

is my understanding of the situ 🤔

I could be wrong 🤣

nimbuscloud · 20/08/2021 22:13

Why are you bringing someone with alcohol issues into your children’s home and lives?

DrManhattan · 20/08/2021 23:35

Wouldn't be for me. Sounds like he has issues but he is trying to make out that you're the one with the problems. Get rid

Looubylou · 21/08/2021 09:19

OP has made it clear, the child was with his parents, she wasn't baby sitting. OP, he isn't going to stop getting wasted. He will use the excuse that you have a problem with this, to feel misunderstood, share these feelings with his apparently accepting ex, and ultimately resume that "more understanding relationship". Have some self respect, consider your own children, and end it.

Bellend101 · 21/08/2021 10:23

The child was with him. He "forgot" his phone at home when he took the child back to the child's home. He then didn't return until 2am.
OP didn't have his child with her at any point during this. She already said that the child was supposedly still up and awake while his delightful parents got wasted.

Bluntness100 · 21/08/2021 10:34

@1FootInTheRave

100% they are still fucking.

I dunno. She’s living with her mum and if he wanted to be with her he could the ops just his girlfriend.

Whatwouldscullydo · 21/08/2021 10:43

I think whether he's sleeping with his ex or not is the least of your worries tbh.

Going out and getting wasted is what you do in your teens and early 20s when you are single and commitment free.

Otherwise one night out turns into a 2 or 3 day stretch where u are too tired and hungover to meet your responsibilities as a parent and someone else has to bail you out.

I'm all for couples getting to go out separately and see friends etc. But cone home wasted and incapable if looking after your children, well that means you have designated it all someone.elses job and that would piss me off too much.

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