To not want to visit relatives getting over covid?

[SukiPook]

So my SIL has been visiting my MIL along with her DH and DC. They are over from England, we are in Northern Ireland. SIL and MIL want us to all meet for lunch and a day out this Sunday so that they can get to see my DC who is 15 months old, and the cousins can all play together etc. (Everyone was really looking forward to this trip and catching up with each other.) SIL thinks this is fine as it will be about 12 days since she got Covid symptoms and she feels a lot better and doesn't have to isolate anymore under the new rules. They have been testing but I'm not sure if they've been testing all the kids etc.

I had thought we wouldn't be meeting at all because of COVID risk but they clearly want us to. I wonder would it be ok if I insisted that we only come if they all have a negative test that morning including all the kids? There are 6 in their household at present including 2 kids. 3 in our household inc our very young DC. I am vaccinated, my DH is not.

Myself and my DC are going to visit my elderly mother the next day, and stay for 6 days. She has recently had a mastectomy and radiotherapy. Obviously my concerns are for my baby and my mother.

AIBU for wanting to avoid DH's family like the plague this weekend (meaning we wouldn't see them on this trip at all)?

Not unreasonable. Your mum is very vulnerable, realistically you can’t see both your SIL’s family and your mum without running a pretty high risk of infecting her.

If you met the SIL’s family outside and kept your distance that would be less risky, but it doesn’t sound like they’d be up for that.

Do what you need to, lockdown may be over but that just means you need to use your common sense more than ever. (And your husband should really book his vaccine, what’s stopping him?)

Not unreasonable at all.

When I was getting over covid I didn't visit people and wouldn't have people in the house for months after.

May sound extreme to some, but I was really ill and off work and barely able to get out of bed for 2 months.

Put your mum first, they ought to understand.

UANBU, but don’t give mixed messages by saying they need to get a test.

Just say as your mum is vulnerable, you won’t be able to see them this time but look forward to seeing them all another time.

Not unreasonable

A colleague and her husband both caught covid when the self isolation period had JUST dropped to 10 days - they went and saw his elderly parents on christmas day - which was day 11/12. Both his parents then tested positive and I know although his parents were ok they both felt extremely guilty and believe they are the ones who infected them

Yeah, it does sound a bit risky seeing as how vulnerable your mum is likely to be.

I wouldn’t see both. So if you’d rather see your mum, which is completely understandable then they’ll have to understand that you can’t also see them.

Have any of them tested positive for covid?

I wouldn't see both either, I really don't know who voted YABU, they might be happy to put their vulnerable family members at risk for the sake of 'getting on with things' but there's no way I would. YANBU.

I think it would be unreasonable to start on about testing everyone including the kids. Either go or don’t go.

I wouldn't go because of how vulnerable your Mum is. It's pointless you testing because if you picked up Covid during the meet, you won't have built up enough viral load before you go, to test positive. We were told to mix with caution and in some cases, still not at all. Your mum is one of those cases. Have you both been double jabbed?

I just wouldn’t go. Explain you are protecting your mother and will catch up next time

Why isn't your DH vaccinated? Especially with your vulnerable mother

Thanks all. The way it has been left is that I am skipping the family lunch, and driving up to see them for an outdoor walk instead.

Obviously I would prefer not to even do that as there is still a bit of a risk but I'm going to keep a distance, and fingers crossed I will be able to stop them from picking up or cuddling my DC!

Myself and my mum are doubled jabbed. DH is not coming on the trip to my mum's anyway. Regarding his views on vaccines... I would say he's heavily influenced by his needle phobia! When we had IVF and he had to give blood for a test, he said he wasn't doing it. They explained that if he didn't, we wouldn't be able to get the IVF. He looked at me in a panic and said "You'll have to adopt, then." Eventually he actually had to have gas and air to be able to let them take blood! If he was a woman going through fertility treatment he'd soon get over it!