to not want phone numbers that belong to deceased people being resold

[ChipmunksInAttic]

I lost a dear friend a year ago, she was my best friend for years and died at a very young age.

Time to time, when I miss her, I have been rereading our texts we had sent to each other, looking at our whatsapp history, videos, pictures etc, imagining that she was still alive.

Last week I noticed her profile picture was changed on whatsapp, apparently somebody else bought the phone number now and put their own whatsapp pp.

I know I can’t expect her family to have bought the sim card and kept paying the bills, but it somehow hurts to see someone else, someone so unlike her, someone so NOT her, using her phone number. I feel like I should delete that number now because it doesn’t actually belong to my friend anymore, I shouldn’t be seeing someone else’s profile pictures without them even noticing. Still, I can’t bring myself to delete that number.

So my question is, aibu to want to ask phone operators to treat deceased people’s phone numbers differently than a cancelled phone contract and don’t resell them so quickly? Can they not do that really? keep them out of service for a few years at least? Is it too much to ask? everyone loses someone loved, isn’t it unkind to let them just deal with it?

thanks for reading…

I didn’t know this could happen ☹️ And yes I agree it does feel wrong.
What happens to all your chat history?

{{{hugs}}}

I do the same for one of my friends who died of meningitis at 30. It’s a nice reminder of happier times, flicking through messages and pictures.

Facebook have a feature to turn the page into a memorial page which is a nice touch. But doesn’t sound like phone companies have thought this way, possibly not as big a demand.

I once read of someone who use to text their deceased relative only for them to reply one day, well not them someone had been given the phone number

I’ve just checked MIL’s pp who died last year and her picture has been removed, and it looks like I’m about to ‘invite’ that number to chat. How sad.

I am very sorry for your loss as

I guess there isn't an easy option. It does sound like there was some time (not that is isn't still very recent for you) between your friends passing and the number being re-issued.

How could someone put a time limit? Do you say 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, never? But equally so if numbers were never reissued then at some point the availability of numbers may become a crunch point.

Phone companies may not even know someone has passed and that is why a contract was cancelled - for example phone being in partners name or in parents name. If someone is just on pay as you go then the phone number would have been returned to circulation 6 months after a text or call was last made.

I think it would be useful if you could archive a WhatsApp conversation instead so that it would then be saved as it is with no changes to photos etc

our chat history is intact on my phone, but the new owner of the phone must be unaware of it and cannot see anything.

I agree with you. I knew phone companies sold old numbers on, but hadnt thought about the impact of deceased vs changed.

After DH died, I was given the option to have the phone number retired by O2. Instead I got it changed to a PAYG number so I kept it with me, but it can be done.

I have my dad on whatsapp. He is now a young woman. I don't mind tbh. It actually made us all giggle. I think they wait couple of years always to reuse the number

I'm sorry that you've struggled with this

There are options, obviously it's too late to save that number now though If you block the number then you shouldn't see the profile picture anymore. Have you printed the pictures and the most meaningful messages? Just so you have a copy should anything happen to your phone? You could maybe get one of those photobooks made so you can still look at the messages/photos that mean the most to you without having to deal with it being someone else's number now.

I think you should contact Ofcom, so there is a consistent policy and agree there should be a time limit before a line is re-used. It is different from the days when a phone number was just a landline.

Some phone numbers are worth an absolute fortune, upward of 20k. You can’t expect them to retire those so they can’t retire all numbers.

They have to recycle phone numbers otherwise we would run out unless we changed the structure e.g. creating longer numbers.
It is possible to keep a number but that usually means paying for it to keep using it.

Seems a bit overly sentimental. Telephone companies run businesses. We can't expect them to care about feelings.

I think you have to consider the amount of numbers involved, something like 10000 people die every week in the UK I’d assume majority have mobile phones but even if less it’d mean millions of unusable numbers by the end of the decade.

I had this with my dad. I used to occasionally call his number, just to feel I still had that link. One day had the shock of my life when my phone rang back one time, and it was "Dad" calling. I answered it and a young man asked me why I'd called him. I awkwardly tried to explain it had been my dad's number but felt really silly saying I still called it after he died. I felt exactly like you do about the number being sold on. I hadn't realised that happened. My dad never had WhatsApp but I think the photo changing would be particularly upsetting. I deleted his number after that. I'm sorry about your friend.

I've chosen YABU but I sympathise.

In 2005 I lost my best friend to suicide. I'd call her number from time to time just to hear her voice again.

One day the phone was answered by another woman and it was an awful shock.

When we first moved here we got the recycled old number for the crematorium down the road. That was fun I can tell you.

We had to change it in the end after one too many elderly people phoning about their dead relatives or trying to arrange a funeral.