To ask for the HELP, beg in fact (SN related so don’t respond if you’re going to be nasty)

[TetherEndOfLongGone]

I’m hoping the Power of Mumsnet will lead me in the right direction here as the end of my tether is far behind me!

I would have posted on the SN boards but there is little traffic there and hopefully some posters on here might have knowledge.

DS2 is 19 and has just been kicked out of college for the 2nd time so has no placement/employment for September but seems content to spend the rest of his life in a dark room swearing at the PlayStation and watching You Tube videos in his dressing gown as long as he has a supply of peanut butter sandwiches and apples.

He has ASD which was not diagnosed officially until he was 17, but he was diagnosed with learning difficulties at age 11. We knew he had ASD but he didn’t fit the criteria and despite his LDs diagnosis, he didn’t get an EHCP until he was 15 (after 3 attempts by us, school didn’t want to help). Therefore from Reception year at primary all the way through to now, school has been an absolute nightmare. I was actually very ill from the stress, had had to give up my job, before we removed him from mainstream secondary in Yr10. We pushed for reassessment at 15 and finally got his ASD diagnosis, because we knew he needed it for support into adulthood, at 17.

He has absolutely no qualifications and has attempted an Independent Living Skills course at mainstream college (supported unit) twice now and both times has been kicked off due to challenging behaviour (not aggressive), lack of engagement and attainment, and no progress made.

There is no where else locally he can go as the only specialist college for ASD and LD’s, which could also have taken him as residential, has just told me that he is too able and won’t have a peer group so they can’t take him. Despite his IQ test coming out at 65, he is extremely able but disengaged from academic learning as soon as he started school! If he’s not interested in something he won’t even try, such as telling the time, but he can recite obscure facts about his interests with a photographic memory.

He has pretty severe social and emotional issues (cumulated from not having proper support for years) which he needs a lot of intervention for to be able to access any kind of education. There’s no way he could hold a job for a day, even if I could get him there.

I am looking at residential colleges (age 19-25) but a lot of them he is too able for and the few that looked like a good fit are full with waiting lists.

If I can’t find him a suitable placement, he may lose his EHCP and will be left with no skills, independence or otherwise, and will probably be at home with us as described above until we die which I absolutely do not want.

For his best interests, I want him out of the house. He will never move on as he is too comfortable at home, he is very socially isolated, won’t engage in family life and I can’t even get him to take his anxiety medication at the moment. I also want my life back at almost 50, and I just can’t deal with the stress anymore!

I don’t want him in social services supported accommodation living on benefits for the rest of his life, even if we could get it, but he refuses to engage in any type of education or training.

PLEASE can anyone suggest what we can do with him?

If his IQ is recorded as 65, how is he too able for colleges or assisted living? Im guessing he has quite a spiky profile of ability.

I think you are going to have to challenge him head-on, turn off the WiFi during the day (or take the router to work with you). Get him on every waiting list you can find. I dont know how it works with post-18 EHCPs but can you still have a placement named on the EHCP?

Very best of luck, it sounds an awful situation and I really sympathise.

Hi,
The learning disabilities team in social services may have some day centres with social groups/ classes he can do.
Look also at mencap see if they have anything local. Has he expressed why he doesn’t like college? There is an increase in 16 plus provision at SEN schools would that work better rather than colleges?
Sometimes mainstream colleges are just too busy/overwhelming for ASD children, even those considered academically able, to cope with

Just a note he should not lose his EHCP until he is 25 even if not in education

Would he be able to engage with something like this?

www.cameliabotnar.com/how-to-apply-for-a-trainee-placemne

Have you looked at the glasshouses group of colleges. I know they did have spaces fairly recently as they offered ds2 a place.

Is it really refuses to engage or can't engage? Often it is the latter.

Have you looked at some of the Priory or Ruskin Mill colleges? Have you considered supported internship if college isn't the right setting for DS. If there isn't any suitable provision the EHCP shouldn't just stop! The LA should provide a bespoke EOTAS programme.

Unless the placement is wholly independent the LA must name your preference unless they can prove one of the following:

• The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

Do you think DS is too able for the placement? Do you think it can meet his needs? If you think a placement can meet DS's needs you can ask for it to be named regardless of the placements opinion. Being full isn't quite how it seems. Full isn't legally defined, and isn't a reason to refuse admission on its own, the LA have to prove they are so full it would be incompatible. The bar is relatively high.

I don’t understand why an IQ of 65 makes him too able? It’s lower than average?

Can you appeal any if this?

Supported internship? Job focussed placement.
I don't know where you live but there's a digital one in Gtr Manchester for example.

www.tmc.ac.uk/courses/digital-supported-internship