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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to know how to answer ‘how are you?’

7 replies

Oliv1990 · 19/08/2021 16:56

Had a bit of a breakdown a couple days ago and a friend came to see me late evening, I was a mess basically. Struggle with depression had been doing well but had a bit of a trigger at the weekend. Felt very embarrassed after the night and almost feels like it wasn’t me, like looking back at yourself when you’ve done something stupid while drunk (I hadn’t been drinking). We spoke a tiny bit over messages the morning after and she encouraged me to go to my therapist. After that Conversation I didn’t say anything and I didn’t hear from anyone (I had spoke to a couple of other friends about how bad I was feeling too) at all from yesterday lunchtime ish to this afternoon. I was feeling a bit down about this, irrationally I know, because I know it was probably a lot for them to cope with and they don’t really know what to do or say. But it felt like I’d opened up and then nobody wanted to speak to me because Of it - after people had reassured me I wasn’t a burden it made me feel I was -I don’t want to stress people out or cause anyone else to be miserable. Now the friend who was with me on the night messaged to ask how I am today and I’m just stuck I have no idea what to say I feel embarrassed again and just wish I could erase everyone’s memory of it all and be normal again. I don’t want pity or sympathy just my friends to be my friends. Is it weird and what do I say? I’m home alone and wish someone would just come over but I don’t think I can really ask anymore if anyone after they came so late the other night.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 19/08/2021 16:59

Of course you can ask, say - you'd love some company if she's free?

Mrsjayy · 19/08/2021 17:04

You can say I'm "not bad " and do you fancy coming over for a cuppa. Your friend is your friend and a proper friend takes you how you are.

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 17:04

Well they have text to ask how you are now! They were just busy I guess.

Be honest. Say how you feel now for expressing yourself , I'm sure your friend will reassure you that they care.

I also get how they may be overwhelmed sometimes and not know what to say...just like you do now.

I hope you are going to see your therapistFlowers as you definitely need some extra help or your friends my feel ill equipped to deal with it fully.

I have a friend who has drug issues. And if I'm not there to constantly text and talk to ,they seem to relapse and say its coz they 'were alone' .

Whilst I love my friend and what to do everything for them it is becoming too much pressure for me and like I'm responsible for keeping them afloat so I have backed off a little..

I'm not saying you are doing this op!! In just trying to come at it from every side I know of. To give some perspective.

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 17:05

want to do everything*

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 17:07

Always talk to your friends op.
Just make sure you are getting all the extra professional support you can. Flowers

Oliv1990 · 19/08/2021 17:22

I’m just fighting with the instinct to push people away so I don’t cause anymore upset or stress so I feel guilt to reply when I’m not doing great

OP posts:
Janaih · 19/08/2021 17:25

"I'm hanging in there, thanks for asking. Would be great to see you if you fancy popping for a cuppa and biscuits?"

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