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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 'Well everyone feels like that' isn't helpful?

14 replies

EmotionalSupportBear · 19/08/2021 13:38

To clarify, i have a long standing anxiety disorder, had PND, stress.. possibly long standing high functioning depression.

I did used to medicate, but sertraline disgreed with me, and my anxiety has made taking anything else almost impossible, i just CANT make myself take them because of fears of side effects. I've had CBT and they basically told me they can't do anything for me because i've had this that long i KNOW how it works/why i get anxious, so its a waste of my time going for more.

Just lately, i guess i feel something is 'off' i can't really define it, i feel lonely, flat.. can't concentrate, flitting from thing to thing without being able to settle.. i'm tired but 'antsy' if that makes sense? I feel anxious, but there's something different about it this time.

I was trying to explain to someone earlier about it.. i guess trying to put my finger on whats 'wrong' and all i got was 'well everyone feels like that after the last 18mo'

I don't know why but it really bothered me, i don't want them to fix it, they can't... but basically fobbing me off because of covid/lockdown anxiety felt a bit.. 'just get over it'

OP posts:

Xiaoxiong · 19/08/2021 13:42

I'm sorry you felt fobbed off. Do you think they were trying to validate you feeling that way by saying "yes it's not all in your head, this is a thing"? I must admit I feel like that too, and I have even read articles in the media about it - a kind of societal malaise - so they might have meant "it's true, you do feel like that, it's a thing right now".

I'm trying actively to throw myself into things to get a sense of "flow" more frequently, kind of half a mindfulness practice, half a way of getting back to my old life and routines:

www.verywellmind.com/what-is-flow-2794768#:~:text=Flow%20is%20a%20state%20of,on%20what%20they%20are%20doing.

habitcat · 19/08/2021 13:55

OP, very many people (not everybody) do feel like that. If you think otherwise then you need to be told that anxiety and depression are a lot more common than you realise. Not everybody talks about it or wants to talk about it, despite being encouraged to incessantly by celebrities etc. Those that do talk about it may be lucky enough to find a sympathetic ear, but have no right to expect it from anyone other than a paid professional. You didn't say who the other person was, but if it was just a friend or aquaintance rather than someone trained in counselling then their reaction is perfectly valid.

DifferentHair · 19/08/2021 14:03

Hi OP,

Who was the 'someone' you were explaining this to? I ask because they might have their own stuff going on and not have the headspace to hold your issues as well, hence the fob off.

I think we are in a unique time where basically everyone is experiencing this shared anxiety and trauma in some way. Ive personally found it harder to provide the same emotional support when people are talking about the pandemic, simply because I'm going through it as well.

Original poster

EmotionalSupportBear · 19/08/2021 14:09

was a good friend who asked me if everything was ok as i've been very quiet lately, so they were actively asking me what was wrong/why i've been down/quiet of late.

OP posts:

DifferentHair · 19/08/2021 14:10

Are you engaged with a counsellor or any support for your mental health? Even your GP?

It sounds like you're trying to figure stuff out on your own, but you'd probably benefit from some experts taking the hard work out of it for you, and it would give you someone to talk to who will respond in a way that's more helpful

ImMrNimbus · 19/08/2021 14:14

When I was struggling with severe mental illness, and people said - in response to me saying I feel XYZ - "Ah, that's normal"... It absolutely infuriated me. So I understand, and no, you're not being unreasonable.

It may be possible that the person was trying to validate your feelings and make you feel less alone. But I can understand why it was frustrating, because even if lots of people do feel this way, it isn't "everyone", and it isn't something we should just accept.

Moonface123 · 19/08/2021 14:15

When l suffered anxiety l read up literally every book, article ever written, l listened to endless videos, Ted talks etc, the more you understand something the less scary it seems.
I had to learn to change the way l thought, my thinking patterns were what was causing it. I hit my fears head on, l didn't avoid them or hide away .
Having mastered that this pandemic has not bothered me in the slightest.
I have just carried on day to day, calm and measured.
Don't expect medication or someone else to fix you work on yourself relentlessly, that's my advice.

Cam2020 · 19/08/2021 14:43

Maybe they were trying to relate?

Changethetoner · 19/08/2021 14:50

CBT is not the only therapy. (it might be the only thing a NHS doctor can offer though). But there are lots of other options.

DysmalRadius · 19/08/2021 14:56

It's interesting that you feel their response was 'fobbing you off' rather than acknowledging how hard it is and telling you that they feel the same. You've said you don't want them to fix it - what response were you hoping for?

Original poster

EmotionalSupportBear · 19/08/2021 14:56

@DifferentHair

Are you engaged with a counsellor or any support for your mental health? Even your GP?

No, after the last round of CBT 3 years ago i've been left to get on with it by myself... it was very much 'CBT can't help you any more' and no further advice/directions of where to go.

I DO cope 99% of the time, and i know everyone/most people are struggling, so i've been reluctant to address it, just kinda figured it was 'social malaise' and it'd sort itself out.. but its not, and i'm feeling number and number, crying more...etc.

I'm getting some blood tests done to rule out anythin physical btw, but part of me feels very 'whats the point' if they come up empty, of mentioning my mental health.

OP posts:

habitcat · 19/08/2021 14:57

@EmotionalSupportBear

was a good friend who asked me if everything was ok as i've been very quiet lately, so they were actively asking me what was wrong/why i've been down/quiet of late.

She probably asked if you were ok because she read something on Facebook or in a magazine etc that said we should all ask our friends if they're feeling ok ... unfortunately many people with good intentions don't know what to do with the truthful answers when they get them, unless they're trained as counsellors.

PerseverancePays · 19/08/2021 15:32

There are many different kinds of therapy op. CBT is just the one-size-fits-all that is offered by the nhs. Have a google and see if there’s a different one that appeals to you more. And with any counsellor, if they are not a good fit and you don’t feel that the work is helpful, move on to another one. Counsellors are like shoes; if they don’t fit, you’re not going to walk far.

DysmalRadius · 19/08/2021 15:37

No, after the last round of CBT 3 years ago i've been left to get on with it by myself... it was very much 'CBT can't help you any more' and no further advice/directions of where to go.

But surely you could search for support yourself - what kind of directions or advice did you want? It sounds as though you have resigned yourself to struggling and given up on helping yourself, but there is help and support out there, even if your first port of call didn't provide a full solution. You deserve more, but you have to believe that to seek it out for yourself.

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